Feeling out of place

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a deep sense of longing for love and connection, especially since I never felt that love from my parents. I’ve always felt like the black sheep of the family, and even though I try to be kind and open with people, it’s like no one is really interested in getting to know me. I know I’m different—I love things like aliens, and I’m into stuff that not everyone gets, but it feels like people just treat me like a freak, even if they seem nice at first. It’s incredibly hard to relate to others in a way that feels real, and at times, I feel like I’m the only one who truly understands where I’m coming from. Being a black woman, there’s this expectation that I should be a certain way, and I’m just not that. I don’t fit into that box, and it’s painful to constantly feel like I’m not meeting the world’s expectations of who I should be. I crave human interaction, but it’s hard when it feels like I’m putting myself out there and still being left behind. I guess I’ve been trying to fill that void with love from others, something I never got from my parents. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I question if I really have a place in the world. But even through all the pain, I’ve been holding onto something—singing and songwriting. It’s been my way to stay afloat, giving me an outlet for everything I’m feeling, even when words don’t seem to do it justice. Music has become my escape, the only way I can really express myself. I know I’m still healing, and there are moments when it feels like it’s all too much, but I’m still here. And in a way, that’s enough for me to keep going, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. There’s a reason I’ve always felt drawn to aliens; it’s as if I’ve always been out of place, searching for something or someone who truly understands me. I honestly feel like the loneliness person on earth.