MIL won’t stop gifting cheap stuff

Not over reacting at all, my in-laws are the same but they buy the biggest toys possible and expect us to keep them at our house. I also like to get my daughter her toys as I know what she likes and can make sure they are educational. We have now told everyone if you want to get her anything then a gift voucher or money is what we would like.

@Rachel yeah she also got some really big presents and we live in a small apartment in NYC, our place is so overfilled and it messes so much with my mental health as I have ADHD and I started giving away the toys she bought but effectively my husband supports her financally as she never had a job and my father in law died years ago and left behind no money…so effectively we are paying for all this shit out of our own pockets and it drives me mad 😭

You do have a say in what your child plays with, if I get any gifts that I don’t approve of I donate them to a children’s centre or baby bank. And depending on my relationship with the gifter I maybe will let them now that we don’t use toys like that and I have a list of suggestions if they’re interested. If they choose to ignore my choices then they can watch me get rid of all the crap they gift.

If you share the Amazon account, can you return it yourself? That would be my first step if so

That is crazy...u said you moved in and live with her.. but I read she moved in with u? I'm confused... I guess ur husband is OK with it all and said this would happen and u were OK with living together also?I know how u feel about dolls, but I know my on laws are cheap half the time also and buy bunch of dollar store stiff granny is weird and cheap but in occasion will buy decent things but 100 pieced of garbage on Xmas Easter, really, garbage, and won't put that money into bigger things durables. But any way she got my baby girl, who first girl in family, don't stuffy push button annoying thing. And doll. And cheap doll. She said she wanted buy big doll but didn't want scare baby. So much junk, I know in future she favors girls, never bought my boys this much junk or big junk. I put it away, my girl don't care and I don't want her attached too garbage, the boys throw stiff every where. Not all girls will cherish 1 doll. Ppl grow up with poverty or not as rich and hold on to that 1 doll.

Also quick note as I maybe sound very harsh, I do try not to make it very obvious that MIL is getting bad gifts, just to avoid hurting my partner. So I still get rid of them but I won’t rub it in if that makes sense

I thought same, I wanted to be 1 to give her first doll and baby doll but I know she will compete , even though she has her turn with her daughter and son. However, I hope it won't escalate in too 100 garbage dolls and some good quality ones. I know she loves dollar store. I dunt want my kid growing up hoarding junk. I get the wood toys, I never had, but take toys sell it... if its on package u return it. Same amazon account unless she hoarding it in her room..

@Katya hahaha I just said that . No one will listen. I get it but no point, granny will be deaf but it's her gran kid too. Annoying they are but they're here

@Ali yeah we used to live apart where it didn’t bother me so much as I threw up shit I didn’t want and my daughter didn’t play so much with the toys at her place as we didn’t visit that often, she usually came to us. But now we just moved in together so now I feel like I really need to step my foot down about what toys I want my daughter to be exposed to on the daily….she only has my son as her marriage was very disfunctional so they stopped after one child so I feel like she is living her fantasy through my daughter which I don’t find ok.

@Katya yeah and I have been so cooperative in the past. Since I know she loves to shop I would send her lists of things I want for my daughter but she either ignores them or ignores instructions. Like I wanted wooded instruments and she bought cheap Marshall’s plastic ones that fell apart immediately….or she doesn’t buy what I need to begin with. My husband is a mamas boy and always tries to please both her and me but I feel like since he is always working, knows nothing about babies and isn’t really dealing with the fallout of having a billion toys he doesn’t really care much and it makes me mad. And the one time my husband stepped up and said she needs to ask me first she pulled the “I’m old and sick, I might not live long” card which isn’t even true. She has back problems and a chronic disease and she is a chain smoker which ain’t helping her situation but I feel like that was just to guilt trip me into letting her do whatever she wants so now I am really mad and had enough

Could you maybe create an amazon wishlist to share with her for toys/things your daughter wants/needs? That way, if she feels she has to buy something, she can get it off your preapproved list x

@Chloe i did that! Even for my daughters bday 1 month ago i sent her a list of things i wanted on amazon. Or I often share with her what we need and if she wants to go shopping for it and she ignores that. And then for my daughters bday she went and bought one thing I specifically stated I didn’t want and don’t consider a good toy and something else that I basically tolerated because I didn’t want to be mean. She didn’t get anything from the list. And she also didn’t return the item I didn’t wanted but brought it into the home we now share as if I never mentioned I don’t want it. I even reiterated it in writing that I don’t want it and explained to her kindly why I didn’t think it makes a good gift - which frankly as a mom I don’t even think I owe anyone a detailed explanation of what I want for my child. But judging from the comments I am at least not an asshole I guess 😭

I get it, but it can't be 100 the choice of other person even birthday, we do invites and sometimes recommend, books, lego stem stuff, clothes, no stuffy etc gift ideas but the gift giver choice, it's what they give even if they are dumb things like POKEMON and baku gun paper cards for 5yr old 🤦🏻‍♀️I don't like the idea of birthday or special events gifting, I rather take cash or gift recipt or gift card for place. But if she was hoarder or junk buyer to begin with, she will get worse if she old lady. They have no one to gift too and no one to buy this for and not even herself she buys, so the joy of spending money on things and having kids play with it, might be her only source to get that urge out since she doesn't socialise I guess? Maybe it's a cultural thing and different culture? Lol I don't know what else I can think of. I dunt like the western culture of toy hoarding and ppl costume too much and must of it plastic junk.

My MIL so cheap and annoying no matter how many times we tell her, buy 2 sizes up plsssssss, our kids are not tiny, I have 4 and 5yr old and she bought both them size 5... and another year sweater etc, both size 6... tiny, very tiny tight fit jeans and zip sweater, the zip pant was like squeeze ur belly in and click button, as if they were super models trying fit in size under. She so crazy and said it fits fine, look their fine, it's fine.. like lady you're crazy. She said throw it out after month or 2.... for real? Ur willing to buy clothes once after 6yrs only cause its funeral & ur ocD killing u, for the* guests* to come see ur fake image, u need to suffocate my boys.. delusion. My husband is like** uhh....ummm..ahh.... and does hands up in air 🤷* . Crazyand he's like what ever go with it but he never say she crazy out his mouth. He says, she's like that . Men do gas light. Older women need to control everything. Because they have no control on anything and think we're subordinates 🤷

Throw the toys away! You told her you don’t want stuff like that. At that point she’s choosing to waste her own money. Let her know she needs to ASK if you want them, before she gets them, otherwise she’s gambling on whether it’s gunna go in the trash.

That sounds nuts! I’d just put them in a cupboard and rotate them so there isn’t too many. After a while you can give them to charity. Maybe, in time if she sees you aren’t using them all she’ll back off. I’m sorry to hear you have to live with her, space is priceless. That said so is the unconditional love of a grandparent. Gifting must be her love language.

I would maybe bring up her keeping the toys she’s bought at her place so your daughter has things there to play with. Let her know your daughter has a lot already and it’s becoming too much. You can also cycle toys. Pick a few to leave out and every few weeks cycle them out with other toys.

I think it just sounds like she wants to spoil your little one and give her lots of treats. My step mum buys lots of bits from Temu. They don’t last long but it’s just her way of showing her affection, everyone is so different and shows this in various ways. When I read on to see that your husband is financially supporting her - I do understand that this is annoying. I’d do what someone above suggested and return some of the toys if you share the Amazon account together. I don’t think she’s being malicious though from what you’ve wrote, she’s just loving on her grandbaby in her own way. We all share our affection differently… like love languages I guess. She’s giving her gifts where it sounds like you appreciate quality time more. It’s hard to change the way someone shows love though. Xx

Yeah you are not being crazy, but you are not flexible either. Your husband is paying, so he is basically in the middle of making you all happy. You moved in with her? 🫣 Get your own house for your own rules love!😂

@Warwor but how am I not flexible when I always provide a list of things we would need or want that she can shop? Or if for example my daughter needs a bigger size in shoes I send her without any instructions on looks and she can buy whatever. I often try to include her in purchases or ask her opinion to make her feel valued. And my husband is not the only one who is paying. I am paying too. That’s why I said our money. We had to move in together for various reasons and because she can’t afford to live on her own anymore based off government checks and we can’t afford to pay rent for an extra apartment. Simple as that. It’s not what I wanted but I also wouldn’t put her on the street or send her back to her home country either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hey OP. Is there potentially a cultural divide here given you've mentioned not sending her back to her home country? I think you're well within your rights to be annoyed by this. I have an agreement with my partner that any toys go through us before they get to baby, not only so we can safety check, but we live in a small terraced house and don't have the space for toys everywhere. I've bought an ottoman and we agreed that all toys (except trikes, etc.) must fit in that ottoman or it's going to be donated because I refuse to be overrun with more toys that I'll likely have to run around picking up. Also, I author a lot of content on early years foundation and completely agree with you on reducing the amount they play with as it has been found to be better for them developmentally. I would try to return if possible, but if not I would tell her that it's not the first time you've asked her not to buy so many needless toys and if she hasn't returned it within a week, you will be donating it, and follow through.

You are not flexible, because why should she only use your lists to purchase things for her grandchild? The child of her own son, who clearly loves her! Excuse me? You are being ungrateful. You said she has a good heart and loves your daughter to pieces. Then thank God for your blessings. That is why your husband is not saying a word. You are mum, so you smell of mum, so her calling your daughter ‘my baby’ is not going to confuse your daughter. Your daughter could find you in a busy market, so do not worry! 😂 Ask grandma if she would like to buy a storage solution with your daughter. Then when you are having a bad day, and all the ‘junk’ is driving you crazy, teach your daughter how to count by collecting as many pieces of plastic tat possible, and dumping it in the special storage! The funny thing is that you can buy a child the most expensive/quality toy, and the child will be more in love with the packaging/wrapping paper! 😂

@Warwor you’re making some assumptions here, you can’t possibly know why her partner is not getting involved, mine wouldn’t either because he wouldn’t know how to handle it. OP is not being ungrateful, she’s not asking for expensive toys, just a certain type and that’s perfectly normal. If MIL bought similar to what’s on a list, maybe, but she buys stuff that mum specifically asked her not to, and multiple items. Why are you shaming this woman who took in her MIL but is fighting for her sanity, I would go nuts in a home full of plastic toys and it’s not good for development either. I live with my mother, and no way in hell she will tell me what my son should be doing or playing with if I strictly disagree.

@Katya STOP. ✋ I have never shamed OP. OP even commented on my first answer, and asked further questions. 😂 This is an adult conversation, between two adult people. OP asked for advice, and I gave my advice and opinion. Step aside if you are easily offended by differences in opinions. Don’t @ me with your nonsensical comments.🤫

@Warwor telling someone they’re being ungrateful is kind of shaming them. I’m an adult too, in case you haven’t noticed and I wasn’t offended. You do love jumping to conclusions don’t you

@Katya That is not shaming. Check your dictionary. What are you actually doing here? OP asked for advice, and all you have done is gas on about YOU! YOU are offended because YOU are an adult, living with your mummy and baby, and YOU are ashamed. OP is absolutely fine. Katya is ashamed! 🤣 I am not discussing anybody living with their mother and baby by the way, this point is specifically about YOU hijacking the post. Please go away? Fun fact…you can make a post for yourself about yourself! This is NOT about you.😑

@Warwor What I’m doing is offering support and not judging her telling she’s being ungrateful when she really isn’t. What makes you think OP is fine or that I’m ashamed? Why are you calling my mum “mummy”? Fun fact, this is a public thread where people share their opinions and experience.

@Warwor I don't really understand why you seem to have such a large issue surrounding what family members people live with? That's twice now to two different people that you've brought up them "living with mummy and baby", or "get your own house". Comes across as a little tone deaf and entitled tbh. I'm inherently put off by people who have the words "natural empath" in their bio, but then talk to others like this. @Katya didn't even respond to you in a rude manner, and gave her own opinion in response to yours; that's how public threads work, this isn't your personal two-way DMs. Incog posed a follow-up question for you, and she gave you a perfectly good reason as to why she's flexible. The reason she should use OPs list is because that's her child and she's living under THEIR roof. She's even said that she gives her freedom to pick things of her own will (shoes). imagine not being allowed preferences for your own kids and lifestyle. 😂

I provided my advice above your message... The screenshot you posted was addressed to you because I wanted the OP the know some people strongly disagree with your judgement. Sorry if it hurt your feelings. I can relate to her, having made a decision to bring a parent into “my own house”, and not the other way around like you assumed. I’m here for the OP, who deserves a home not cluttered with shitty toys just because grandma means well @Warwor

@Kim thanks for your comment, its exactly what I mean

Why yall at war because u don't like the word ungrateful? And then big speech about how yall are all saints of Mary ? U felt some type of way and it's OK. U feel judged .. so? I doubt the post was that ruthless if your complaint is, * why u calling someone mummy and using word ungrateful *. Pretty juvenile.. mummy isn't a slurr.. is mum slurr too now? I think the emotionally high are lacking sleep and logic and basic psychology . Dollar store is cheap plastic, Marshall/ tj max , Walmart, that not cheap, the plastic is harder. U want aesthetic look off wood and durable is that it? Is hard plastic that can teacher falls, not sure how ur *baby* is sumo Wrestling these toys under their 200lb body strength but.. hard to believe its all breaking.

Its not common for MIL to live with couple in West. It's cultural thing and many ppl aka white women mix with ethnic men and don't really put that info in the post... nor do they put language barriers, . But kinda obvious the son is not a man and was raised and babied by MIL therefore he man child. It is the job of the man to deal with his family and its job of woman to deal with HER family. And if anyone man hides or doesn't deal, sticks head in sand to avoid conflict... they are avoiders , and it's parents/ parent fault. But now that u mention, sending her back to her country.. well that is never going to happen like ever. The mother wants to gift what she wants, no one wants to be told what to gift all the time. I get it. It's like ur her mother telling her how to gift and what to buy. I get it. I think u2 don't get along, & MIL goes along to get along. Even if she is archaic least she not in dollar store and if ur only complaint is toys, its better than her being annoying human in general

Ps. It's only man and woman's job to deal with their own family, if its enough of a reason too. Not trivial stuff but eg. Ur mother is saying evil things, or she is being evil to baby... toys sure, but if ur husband agrees that the toys are useless and too much, that's ur validation. If he dismissed u being bothered, then he's not much a man or husband if he can't address your concern. Vice versa