Over protective

I feel exactly the same! It’s like we’re looked upon as mere vessels to carry a baby. We WANT to spend every moment with them too! I don’t mind people visiting and wanting to see the baby. But I’d want them to help me around the house or something too, instead of just wanting to take the baby from me. These early days are so important for mum and baby to bond and I definitely want to limit visitors in the newborn stage but I don’t think I can get my way unfortunately. I will still make my feelings known though, if need be.

Not at all, I even saw a post saying "the mother needs holding more than the baby, the baby is well taken care of, however, the parents are not" as such and it is so true! Keep those germs at bay, enjoy the newborn it doesn't last long! I'm soon to have our baby number 3 and I don't want many visitors at all🥰

@Zarah that's so true, all wanting to touch the bump it's all about baby. Obviously I'm happy that they'll be loved but we're just forgotten about and we're doing all the hard work. Pregnancy has been bloody hard I don't want people coming round taking all the newborn cuddles. I want to make sure I'm fully comfortable before my partner returns to work too so need that time to bond and find my feet. Does your other half feel the same as you?

@Keely exactly bring a meal round or offer to do a house chore. I feel so forgotten about already I imagine it being so much worse when baby is here and they'll just take them. The older generation doesn't appreciate that times have changed and we don't want all the touching and kissing. Hoping people are respectful of my wishes or I will ask them to leave

Hey OP, raising my hand in solidarity. ✋I can't believe how possessive I've felt, it's kinda hit me like a train. My biggest concern is illnesses reaching my LO before he's had the chance to build immunity. I think if you have overbearing family members that doesn't help with these feelings either. People's expectations for access to baby can be a little ott for my liking too. I was private and pretty isolated before pregnancy because that's just the way I like things and want the transition to be on my terms, as it's not just getting used to the baby and new routine, but I'll be then having to get used to inviting loads more social interaction in when that's not something I am used to. It's been implied that I won't be able to be so socially disconnected now that I have a child, but I am making it known that having a child does not mean I will change my personality for anyone.

I'd just stay stick to what works for you without intentionally pushing people out. It can be a really difficult situation to navigate, because you don't want to cause conflict, but you also want to do things your way without interference. I plan to put out a blanket statement that says we'd like a couple of weeks to settle in before inviting people in and we'll be doing phased visits, priority being grandparents and siblings, then extended family, aunts, uncles, great grandparents. It'll give us a bit of time to introduce him to more bacteria slowly and won't overbear him with loads of people all at once trying to cop a hold like it's some kind of pass the parcel game.

My hubby does not get it at all unfortunately, he’s like we can’t stop people from visiting. It’s his mums first grandchild and I have to hear about how important it is for her etc. but I’ve never said I’m keeping the baby away from them. I’m just trying to say I want my needs met whilst we, as a new family unit, settle in ourselves before having to deal with visitors. Anyway it’s been an on going conversation so still having to talk about it.

@Kim completely agree that family can be overbearing and just expect to have these privileges. Having a child shouldn't change the relationships you have now, you should be allowed to be as sociable or unsociable as you like as long as your baby is getting everything they need they're your priority. I would love a few weeks to settle as a family without visitors but know parents will expect to visit within a day or so and want to hold baby straight away.

@Zarah that is such a shame I'm sorry. It frustrates me that parents seem to think they have this entitlement to their grandchild, it is not about them or their experience we are not having a baby for them, it's our baby and our little family. I don't think the older generation appreciate the times have changed and we want that time to bond and keep baby safe until jabs. They were all so family orientated back then and care free but there's so many illnesses etc now

100% incog! I've had comments that have made it seem like I'm having a child for others when that was never the case at all. It took me and my partner years to get on the same page and I waited to have this baby for years before we finally started trying, which was a hard time for me, so people claiming rights and making odd comments has definitely made me be a bit more reserved! I absolutely understand first grandchild excitement, but I do feel it's taken over the top a little. It gives me faith knowing if my little boy ever becomes a father that I will be the best MIL I can be and not be the crazy baby rabies grandparents that most seem to be these days.

Might I suggest that you meet them all halfway (not that I think you should) but it might make it easier on you if you accept visitations in the hospital under the stipulation that you will not be taking any visitors at home until you've established a routine and have healed and bonded. It might help as hospitals generally have time limits too, so no overstaying their welcome which might be a bit harder to do when you're at home.