Just venting about loneliness

Really finding life hard. I used to have loads of “friends” (drinking buddies) before I was pregnant but since moving to get away from the drinking lifestyle I’ve been completely ghosted by anyone from that life. I’ve got 2 best friends I’ve known for 15 years but I feel like when it’s my time to be happy or sad about something my feelings don’t matter. My mum is barely present and I feel like she resents me. I have no one else to really be myself around. My baby’s father lives in America, we were long distant but he hasn’t stayed in contact with me during the pregnancy. I want to meet new people but I don’t feel good enough, I’m single, off work due to hyper mobility (and now pregnancy) and the anxiety of not fitting with in with girls just overtakes. I was doing pretty well with getting on with life but I think it’s all just hit me today. I have a dog Barney who has separation anxiety which in turn gives me anxiety about when the baby is born. How will I go out and about? He’s always by my side and I’m finding it extremely hard to train that out of him. He can’t even be in a different room without me. Follows me everywhere. I miss medical appointments when my mum can’t look after him. I just feel so lonely really. I wish I could drive so I could at least go places easier but it’s too expensive and I don’t have anyone who can teach me. One of my best mates is pregnant too which is a blessing but she has her whole family supporting her, buying her and gifting her so much stuff for her and the baby and she still makes out like things are really hard for her. I feel so unheard sometimes when I talk to her about my struggles. I can’t help but feel so sad I don’t have any of that and I never will. Slowly I’m building a life to support my baby, I’ve bought charity shop clothes, stroller, etc and I feel like I’m getting somewhere. I just want to give my baby the best and fulfilling life, with family and friends to love him just as much as I do but I don’t have that. It hurts a lot. I don’t feel like you can see all of this from looking at me from the outside so I just sit with it in silence. I’ve never ever spoken about this, I’m a vibrant person and get on with everyone I meet but nothing ever sticks. Maybe I’m feeling emotional because of my pregnancy, going through a complete shift in life of course will a toll too. But I know I’ve felt like this for a while and I just don’t see it changing. I don’t expect a reply to this I’m honestly not trying to feel sorry for myself. I just needed to write it down and maybe see if anyone else feels like this

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You are definitely not alone in how you feel. My little boy is one now but I never felt so alone as I did during my pregnancy. Similarly to you I used to socialise a lot with ‘friends’ that involved drinking and it became clear who my true friends were once I fell pregnant and after the birth of my little boy. Unfortunately until people are in the situation of having their own children, they don’t always understand. Have you looked into local pregnancy support groups? If you feel like you would benefit from talking to a professional, you can also refer to talking therapies (as you are pregnant you are prioritised). Please don’t beat yourself up about things, pregnancy is HARD. But what I can also tell you is it is absolutely worth it in the end and there is so much out there in the way of mother and baby groups etc that you will find likeminded mums and soon have a village. In terms of your dog, have you tried crate training so that he has a safe space that isn’t you?xx

@Hannah thank u for listening x I haven’t tried pregnancy support groups as I’m unable to go to such things due to my dog’s anxiety. I have tried crate training. I’ve honestly tried so much I’m just exhausted now. I’m sure I’ll try again soon as I do 🥹I’m just down. I’ll talk to my midwife at my next appointment. Thank you again for your response x

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, and your “vent” actually brought tears to my eyes. Pregnancy is very hard, I think no matter how many people you have around you or the amount of support, it still feels lonely; well, that’s how I feel anyway. So yes, others feel similar I think, but everyone’s loneliness comes from different reasons. But there’s no denying that things seem to have been TOUGH for you. I have a lot of empathy for you. One thing that stood out to me big time when reading your note is how so very strong you are. Your baby is so lucky to have you 💕 You’re going to be the most amazing mummy, you’ll find a nice support group through this app and have mummy friends, and they will also care for you and your baby! It’s a new chapter. Just give it time, everything will fall into place. It just has to 💕

@Della thank you this was so validating. I honestly cried my eyes out because I felt heard finally. Thank you thank you!! 💞

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