Why am I not allowed to struggle?

I’ve had to start choosing who I complain to because of this very reason. Sometimes we just gotta let it out. Regardless of what anyone else has been through, none of it is the same but damn, it does suck sometimes - even if someone has it worse. You’re justified in your feelings mama. I’d encourage you to find more listeners if you can to allow you that space to just let it out without comparison.

@McKenna I assumed my own mother would be great to complain to but nooooo! My brother apparently screamed non stop for a year unless he was being held but god forbid I complain about 2 hours of being screamed at and hit. I have crippling periods that nearly send me to hospital but I don't tell people not to complain about their periods because yeah mine is worse but in no way do they not also suffer nor do I wish this level of pain upon them! Thankfully I have some great friends (who have worse issues than me at times) who allow me to vent and support me xx

With some people it is their way of showing empathy. Me and my friends all compare notes on what each other is doing and try to help each other through it. I told one friend that my daughter was awake every night between 1am and 4am and she said she was up too so we decided well we might as well video call each other and some nights just sit together in silence but feel better having the company there. The shared excitement at 3am when you put them down and they stay asleep in fantastic 😅

@Liza It's not shared empathy, my friends and I do that whereas my mother and some people outright say that I've got a super easy baby and that I've got nothing to complain about 😕 I love a good late night struggle chat, makes it so much easier xx

I do feel this sometimes. Mainly because I do have a very laid back easy baby and now toddler. And when she has her moments, that’s hard, but compared to what I know others go through it’s nothing. I don’t want to seem like I’m moaning about something they go through every day.

@Charlotte And? Bitch away if you're struggling. You wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to stop complaining and asking for painkillers just because someone else broke 2 bones. Same goes for most things xx

I get so annoyed by this lol I remember having not slept for 3 nights when my twins first came. I thought I was going to loose my mind. I mentioned it to a friend of mine a week later and she said, “oh that’s okay when my baby….” And I HAD to interrupt her and tell her no- it’s not okay. Like at all. This has been a terrible experience stop saying it’s okay and that you had it worse!!

@Stacey 🇵🇸 Lots of things are okay if they're fixable like too much laundry/washing up or something but sleeplessness is awful 😞 I get it if she was just empathising and saying she gets it because she went ages without sleep too but not if she was gonna say you had it easier Although I do sometimes offer a worse possibility to make it seem less bad, sometimes I find if i think of something worse then it can make me feel better but it doesnt work everyone xx

Who said all that was having it good? Tf yeah not every struggle is the same but a struggle is a struggle regardless

I hear you Incog. It just sucks when you go to vent or share the feelings/experiences you’re having and someone is telling you it’s not as bad as it feels or that you’re not allowed to complain. This stuff is so hard 😩 Like whoever is telling you that should buzz off.

My husband said one of the best pieces of advice he was given was to be able to tell your partner your struggling and need a break without it being a competition. Yes they might happen been up more than you that night but could be managing fine with it in the instance. We can all handle different amounts at different times, it's not jus about the one thing. And yes other people's might have it harder at points but that doesn't changed how your feeling in that moment. If you've been in a similar situation support that person instead of trying to work out who had it worse. Of course your allowed to struggle and feel overwhelmed, I hope you can find some other mum friends who understand that.

I know exactly what you mean. We're all on the struggle bus, it's not a competition ffs!

I wonder if some of these people are intending to be supportive or relate, but doing it in a way that doesn't work for you? I love when people commiserate. It makes me feel less alone, but I've gotten feedback from some people that it feels like I'm competing with them when I do it. That was never my intention and once I knew that I would do my best to stop around those people. Sorry you're dealing with it either way, it always sucks to not feel like you can express yourself the way you need.

@Kate There's commiserating which is great but there's people that flt out say you can't complain and get upset because you have it easier than they did. I normally say that I went through this and I was miserable so I get how you're feeling. If they went through worse then I say that I went through this and felt miserable but you went through extra so I can only imagine that it's much worse

Oh that's just obnoxious. We can't tell people that something isnt hard for them. Hard is hard it doesn't matter who had it "worse"

I cannot stand the “your mom has it so good with you” for everytime she behaves right. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT HER TO THOSE THINGS?? ME!! and no it’s not easy teach a toddler. It takes a lot of research, a lot of emotional regulation, and a lot of time, focus, and practice! I don’t want a cookie but don’t be a passive aggressive pos. The worst part is it’s not warranted: Like I’m not initiating a conversation or complaining! It’s just a response to her good behavior. The comment is a way to make them feel superior. “I, ME, NOT YOU” …People always gotta have it worse 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I don’t even respond to it anymore. It’s just them trying to make you feel weaker than them so they can try to fill their own sad low ego.

If you ever want to complain to someone message me! I feel you

If I get told I’m so lucky I have a happy sleepy baby, and “he’s gotta be so easy, your second will be a terror! ” or “hes gonna be a terrible toddler!” after being with him and him sleeping for an hour out in his doona. I’m gonna loose it. I will admit he’s great in public, he just falls asleep in his car seat and is super quiet if he even does stir. But (to the person who said it) you weren’t awake with him from 1-4am. You didn’t change the 5 soiled diapers within an hour of getting up @ 7am by force. You didn’t get to play human pacifier/cow all day until this hour. STFU. But I do understand people who try to… relate by telling me their struggles. That’s doesn’t bug me. It’s an ADHD thing, I do it too.

@Alexis I send video evidence of satan now. If you're gonna act all sweet and angelic for nana then I'm gonna film you being a dickhead and send it to her. The 5 shitty nappies in an hour too 😖 When someone else changes the nappy and they go "oh just a weewee! Good girl!" They can go fuck themselves. Firstly she isn't doing it because she's good, secondly I get all the shitty nappies and sometimes I open it up and just sob because I've got more poo to scrape up while she kicks and screams and rolls and bites. I've got the autism edition of it and I have a neurodivergent group so we work well

I swear, it's a race to the fucking bottom for most people!

Sounds like you're around toxic people?