I need to vent

I am a stay at home mom and my husband runs a small electrical company. A couple weeks ago he told me that it makes him upset whenever the house is not perfect. He told me that he wants me to cook all three of his meals and have every piece of laundry done. He told me he does not even want a single piece in the laundry hamper. Well today I am about to start my period so I’m super depressed and I just had a hard visit with my dad so I did not do any of it… He got home and he was upset. He said it “ sucked to come home to”. My husband spends almost every afternoon playing video games and drinking a beer or two. He is a great dad… But I feel like it is ridiculous that I am supposed to raise our child and take care of him and her completely. Sometimes I feel like I just need a break. Am I wrong? He is also always telling me that what he does is way harder than when I do. Which pisses me off to no end. There is no way that working sometimes at your job is harder than raising an entire human!!!!

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Sounds like he has unrealistic expectations

Your feelings are very valid. I am also a sahm and can totally relate to having the pressure of having a magazine ready home 24/7! It’s completely exhausting. People who have never taken care of a child day in and day out dont understand how much of a break we also need and how exhausting it can be. I would have a serious conversation with him and acknowledge his desire for a clean house but also point out that it’s both of your responsibilities to care for the child and the home as you both are the adults… I would also remind him that his job has a start and stop time where he can have breaks from one task or environment to another… being a parent does NOT, unless there are SHARED responsibilities. Not trying to be smart but if he is that concerned with the house looking better I would ask him what is more important to HIM when he is tired? Is it relaxing and having a beer to unwind? Or is it having a spotless home? Because you BOTH need breaks & a space to unwind from the day to day

Divorce

Sorry not literally lol but also wtf????

@Tiffany lol! I swear he is so great. But wtf is right !!! we ordered expensive ass Chinese food last night so I told him he could eat that tonight. But he did not want it!! Not my problem !!!!

Neither one of you are wrong. He's saying he wants the house cleaner and you are trying to tell him you're not capable of more. This is where you guys are lacking communication and understanding. But secondly, do you want to appease him? Do you want to take care of him in that way? If not, you may need to have a discussion around it, like self care and picking up after himself, things he can do, too. But if so, what can you do as wife to make the house appear cleaner? Like getting an enclosed hamper with a lid so you can't see it. Maybe you can compromise and he can plan the meals to eat, while you shop and cook. This depends on what you want here, too. Lets not make the man you love the bad guy here, just the guy that needs some help in understanding/compromise. Life is hard, dude.

@Keylii I definitely think it is a breakdown in communication. I also think it is ridiculous that I am supposed to pick up all of his trash as well. And his socks that he throws everywhere his pants that he throws on the ground, all of his wrappers and plates and trash from when he eats in the night. And then the house is always clean. But he wants it spotless. But I hear you and I do think that is the breakdown. But he also does not work a typical job so I feel like if he is here he is capable of making himself breakfast

@Keylii the other part I have trouble with is he wants only what he wants. I make homemade waffles every single week for me and my daughter. But he wants a bagel with over easy eggs bacon etc. Tonight we had leftover Chinese food… But he did not want that so he gets upset. I don’t know it just seemed ridiculous to me.

I'm sorry you're going through that. I agree with you all the way. I said this statement to my husband for years until it clicked "I am not your mother and I will not treat you as such." Which slowly lead to conversations about doing his part of just living and taking care of himself, or things his mom did for him that I won't or shouldn't have to do. Poor self care leads to depression.

What the actual fuck lol. If he expects that kind of perfection he better damn well pay for it! Pay for a maid or meal service. To not only put perfect expectations on you but to also push back when you do have food ready is ridiculous. He gets a break why don't you? Does he think your child is raising themself?! He can't be that great if he leaves no room for you to be human vs some stepford wife housebot!

Nope 🙂‍↔️ he thinks jc he provides an income that he doesn’t have to do anything else? Naw u need to tell him to grow up and b a man. My husband works 15+hr days 3-4x a week yet he does all the household chores except cook since he doesn’t know how. I take care of our daughter while he works if he’s home he’s either taking care of her 90%of the time or cleaning the house. I do some dishes here n there n try to keep up on the kitchen however I don’t sweep,mop or vacuum he does it all. U deserve better. My husband used to game it became a problem so now he doesn’t do much anymore.

Sounds like he wants to go back to the olden days where women were property of their husband and used to be abused.. It's 2025, of course you aren't supposed to be doing all that stuff. No wonder you're depressed. I'd just tell him I'm getting a job in that case. So then he should feel obligated to do some of the adulting in the household. Even if you don't want to get a job, just say it and you'll see his true colors. He doesn't want you to be happy or thrive, he wants a servant. Either therapy or an exit strategy is needed.

Clearly, men can't even conceive of the idea of working without breaks. At one point, i thought my husband's job was harder than mine. But. No. 3 kids later. Having to be "on the clock" around the clock, with no "sick-leave," no federal holidays, NO WEEKENDS. He justifies his hours in front of a screen as he needs to decompress. I'm sorry, what's that? You get to do -what- now? I don't know if it's harder for SAHMs than working moms, but my hypothesis is that rearing offspring has more challenges due to the fact that we're still dealing with humans, but they're totally unreasonable and rely on you to wipe their butts and everything in between. Maybe that's what it's like working as a nurse or in an old folks home. But even they get time off. My heart goes out to the single moms of littles working as a nurse. YOU need a vacation. I've gotten off topic. He needs to realize you're not a machine, but a singular human being w/o super powers-if he wants perfection, he's going to have to pay for a maid.