Financial advice?
Hey everyone! I’ll try and keep this short but wondered if anyone had any advice. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, married for 3. We’ve got an 18month old daughter together and I’m 8 weeks pregnant with our second. We are currently in a 2 bed private rented house, and we are looking at hopefully purchasing a property.
My husband has never been good with money, he used to bet a lot, to a point where he would create email addresses to make more accounts. This was at the beginning of our relationship and I know he doesn’t do this anymore. However he is usually wasting money on just nothing, shopping, food etc. as we all do. Since bing on maternity leave and going back to work part time, I asked him to take over some more of the bills in the house rather than it being 50/50 as he is much better paid than me. Which he agreed.
Anyway. Going to yesterday, I had a phone call with a mortgage advisor and I asked if he had anything outstanding on credit etc and he said something like not a lot, just a couple payments on some bits left, which I knew would have been the case, he bought a couple of things for himself / birthdays etc and a new pram for our daughter. So I told the mortgage advisor no, as I don’t either.
We sit down last night after getting our daughter to sleep and he tells me he needs to talk to me and begins to cry. He tells me he’s struggling for money, and that he has been juggling a loan for 2 years!! And has took another out last week for £2500, over 4 years! Just to pay off credit cards etc that he’s ran up by buying nothing. I can’t help but feel completely betrayed. And that he only told me because i have asked for his bank statements for the mortgage application. Else I would have never known 😩 I feel upset that he hasn’t come to me sooner and we could have worked something out together. I understand he’s tried to sort this out himself, and he says he didn’t want to let me down again. But this just has even more 😩 I don’t really know how to move forward from this, any advice please? Sorry for being so long!! X
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@Jess that’s really helpful. Thank you xx
Oh my I’m so sorry
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Should he have told you sooner...Yes. He did at least tell you. Men are interesting and sometimes get wrapped up in the "I have to me a man and provide no matter what" idea. That can make working together hard. My husband is guilty of it too even after I've let him know that we are a team and can tackle financial issues together. Moving forward, the agreement needs to be that he needs to be immediately forthright with any financial issues...big or small. Both of you work together to solve them. You are a team. Mistakes will be made. The goal is to learn from them and try not to repeat them. Give him grace if he's trying to do better. Give yourself grace as well.