How do I keep my cool?

Hubby & I had a heated argument last Sunday where we both exchanged hurtful words. He suddenly left & I didn’t bother as it was him who triggered the whole situation. I have noticed it’s a pattern he has when he has a couple days off work as it’s happened a few times. He starts an argument with me over nothing or something minor & when I react, he uses it as an excuse to leave the house. Anyways, he has been in contact with me since he left & had been blaming me for what happened but I refused to take the blame as I know he is the one who started all this. Eventually he apologised & we are now in talking terms but he won’t come back home. I’ve asked him numerous times during the week when he’d be back but he refused to tell me so I stopped asking. He promised me yesterday he’d be back yesterday but again he didn’t come when he realised I was packing. We are supposed to move to a new house in a few days. I’m pregnant in my third trimester (early) & I did express I needed help with packing but he keeps saying don’t worry I’ll be the one to carry all the stuff when we move. I’m so disappointed & angry that he lied to me & felt like texting him an angry text last night & early this morning but I know it won’t serve me as he will continue to avoid coming back home. I will be expressing how I feel about his behaviour when he arrives here but right now I don’t think it’s a wise decision to do so before he is back. I guess I’m reaching out here to see how I can keep my cool in the meantime.

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@Lyss So should I just use the grey rock method until I exit? I’m already planning my exit as the lack of accountability is just something I can’t deal with in the long term. And how do I keep my sanity for now without expressing how I feel about his behaviour & the lie?

Do you have access to get therapy? Do you have a support system? Journaling? Write letters to him that you will never send… like you can just burn them when the feelings are out? Whatever feels right for you 🫶🏻 And yeah grey rock for as long as he is in your life unfortunately. I say this as someone who has to do this too with my ex husband… so I get it.. it’s not easy… but it does get easier with time.

@Lyss Yes currently in therapy. I feel exhausted talking about what he does to the close people I confided in. I’m just fed up with his behaviour. It’s easier when there’s no physical connection not to speak up. I don’t know how I’m gonna do this while staying married & living with him. I just don’t know how to hide my feelings & even when I don’t speak, my face gives it away. I feel so resentful right now.

Can I ask something...where does he go in his tantrums? To me I'd be asking some very real questions as to why he hasn't come home when promised..something is going on and not just th dismissal..

@Kat Agree, & I’m still investigating what it is. He shared with me the Airbnb he stayed at & was in contact with me the whole time he was away so it isn’t the first suspicion I had (what every woman thinks when her man sleeps elsewhere). But I agree there’s more to this than him using our petty fights as an excuse to leave the home.

I’m so sorry, leaving the house for that long after intentionally starting another fight would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. We fight and if one of us needs to leave we do for like 3 hours max! I couldn’t imagine leaving my family for that long he sounds like he’s checked out unfortunately maybe it’s time you do the same. He sounds very exhausting I’m sorry you’re dealing with this

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