Advice! May be a longgg post.

I am a stay at home mom and thankfully my husband is able to make that happen, I do everything mostly in and around the home, he works about 12-15 hours a day with 2 days off, I make sure he eats, I try my best to have the home cleaned by the time he gets home, but with a toddler and an infant it can be difficult sometimes, but he comes home eats and sometimes goes straight to bed, I’m stuck cleaning and closing the kitchen because I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen, but I’m stuck putting the kids to bed if they’re up with me, it makes it difficult sometimes to get things done, while he peacefully sleeps, there are times I don’t get to shower because how if the kids are still up and around, he sometimes wants me to initiate being intimate (he always initiates) but I’m exhausted too at the end of the day! and it’s hard for me, and we co sleep,I do appreciate him maybe I don’t tell him often but I do, everything is always done for him, and the kids are always stuck on me so for me to get a moment alone with him won’t happen, but he doesn’t try and help either, and we have no friends or family to help with the kids, so we are doing this alone. Idk today he mentioned I have hugged or kissed him, which is a lie but that’s how he feels, and he doesn’t want to hear me out, I told him he’s mean to me, he doesn’t care to check himself, so I feel my feelings aren’t valid to him, we women need affection and feel appreciated too not to just slave around the house and then be promiscuous to them when there’s no time, I guess I’m needing a device and how to put it past me and just give him attention whilst doing everything else.

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Let me add that I don’t go out, and I don’t ever have me time! I feel like I’m aging and feel like I have let myself go

Managing and organizing a household is a full time job, and taking care of children is another. The only difference is that you don’t get any days off . Unfortunately many people don’t recognize the struggle of unpaid domestic labor. Maybe try to communicate with your husband that you feel exhausted and depleted and need help. Explain that you love him but this makes it difficult to be intimate with him when you have so much on your plate. You need a break. I’m sure it’s also difficult for him to be working many hours. Maybe you guys can delegate smaller tasks to him that he can pick up after work or on weekends (whatever works for you guys) or hire cleaning services to help out with your workload. Good luck mama!

I feel this. First, have your husband agree to a shower schedule for you. Tell him it's hard to get in the mood when you're dirty and aching. Next, think about ways to feel that the housework is "done enough," so you don't feel the constant crush of your to do list. In the kitchen that might mean the dirty dishes are stacked in one side of the sink. In the living room, toys are swept to one corner of the room. Going from 1 to 2 kids is a big adjustment. Your house is not going to be as clean as when you had one, at least not for a while. Try to carve out time for the people, including yourself, and let the house go a little (or a lot!). It's easier said than done, but one way to think about it is that it's better to do it as an intentional positive step that benefits everyone rather than to feel like a thousand small failures that wear you down over time... Try to think of a few specific things that would make you feel cared for from your husband and ask for them. Let him come through for you.

I totally understand what you are going through. I am in a similar situation. It’s all easier said than done.

Something that has really helped with my SAHM journey is adding my daily non-negotiables : I get an unrushed shower and I get to eat dinner without being in charge of the little one. I picked two very reasonable requests to help me feel less burnt out. I recognize that my husband works outside of the home but he's a parent too and all I'm asking for is a meal and a shower. Two things he never has to worry about if he can do. It has honestly helped so much.

I just want you to know that I’m in the same boat as you, only difference is we have one kid. My husband has let it slide a few times that I have it easy and I don’t do much in the day. He would love to switch roles with me. I’ve expressed to him that sometimes at the end of the day I’m just exhausted, as he is too, but I take care of everyone and everything all day at the end of the day I want to be the one taken care of. Or I just want to sit there. But per usual he wants me to initiate because he works and he’s the reason I’m able to stay home. It can become debilitating. So, every so often I have to remind him of all that I do. Whether that’s in a calm voice or annoyed

Loved all of this! ❤️ thank you ladies!

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