Am I overreacting? What do I do?

I genuinely don't even know what to do. Am I overreacting? I am absolutely furious with my husband, and thinking if he can't make an effort on Mother's Day, then when will he? Backstory -- we have been stopping with my parents for a few weeks now, whilst in the middle of a house move, and my husband has made no effort to spend any time with any of us. He even spent a few nights with his parents after saying it would be easier because he has been helping them move out of their house, despite them being just down the road. But he didn't communicate with us at all whilst he was there and basically I just think he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but doesn't want to be the bad guy, so is just waiting for me to be done with him. Today -- He came into the kitchen and saw me cleaning and asked what he could do, which is already my biggest bug bear. Like, just f**** do something, use your eyes. But anyway, I told him what needed doing and said I wanted to go out and play with our son in the garden once everything was done, all together. So instead of saying "why don't you go now and I'll finish here and join you", or at the very least helping me, he just took our son out to play and left me to clean. On f***** mothers day. Then when I blow up at him, he just says that he thought I was following him out but now he doesn't feel welcome and he is going to do something else. So he has just avoided me all day, leaving me to deal with everything including trying to battle to get our son down for his nap, which was a nightmare because of the clock change and him oversleeping this morning. My husband knew that this would be a battle but doesn't appear to care, so I had to ask my parents for help because I was getting overwhelmed. Then I come down and it looks like he is just emptying the van out. So I'm of half a mind to tell him to just f***off in it. But maybe that is already his plan, I really don't know. So I've just left my little boy with my parents and stormed out. Just so I could go and scream. I am so fed up. At this point, I don't think I would care at all if he left. It would save me expecting help and being repeatedly disappointed. But I'm really afraid that he is going to leave and try to get custody of our little boy. I am just so broken. I don't know what to do.

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I would work out your options; you could stay with him, try and work things out, hope he makes more of an effort in the future, based off what you tell him you want to change. Or you split up- what does that look like? Where do you/he live? Where does your son live? How do you split the time between you with your son? Does that seem like preferable to your current situation? Only you can answer those questions. But not saying anything and staying frustrated and upset won’t change anything. I hope you work out what’s best for you and your son

I usually work weekends but booked today off for mothers day. Baby woke us at 7am, he yelled and went back to sleep until 12pm so I got up with the baby, fed him, cleaned the whole house, fed and walked the dog, got the baby to nap, finally managed to shower myself and eat some breakfast. When he eventually got up he shouted at me because I found my mothers day present.. he put it in a plastic bag by the bin so while cleaning I obviously looked inside to see if I needed to take it out with the rest of the rubbish. Then he was walking upstairs swearing under his breath so I said "what's the matter" and he responded 'I'm not talking to you fuck off'& disappeared for another half hour. I thought he would have booked us a table for food but he said he phoned up yesterday and everywhere was full unsurprisingly. Then he said about going for a walk and a picnic and that never happened. Got the baby down for his second nap and my partner woke him up for no reason. My first mothers day was not what I expected at all😥

If I’m being honest, and I genuinly hope it helps to hear another perspective, but it feels a bit both sides. It’s like you are so frustrated in general that anything he does or tries to do you may blow up at him for, like you are waiting for him to annoy you. He came into the kitchen and asked to help - I get it can be frustrating to not just do but bigger picture is he was trying to help you. Sounds like a bit of a communication issue/mix up with the garden situation. As for leaving the house - not good to not communicate but again I don’t feel this is a strong suit and I’d give him slack on staying at his parents - I would hate to stay at my in laws. I’d be much more comfortable at my parents. Communication seems lacking in general but you seem so frustrated that it’s likely he doesn’t feel he can talk to you. I know this as I can be like this also with my partner sometimes. He can frustrate me so much even when he’s trying to help and I snap.

Breathe. Go give your mum a hug xx

You are absolutely not overreacting! I don’t think this is issues on both sides, from the sounds of it (though I could be wrong as I don’t know your history together), it’s weaponised incompetence. He expects you to tell him everything to do rather than taking initiative and doing it, and then if you don’t like how he does it he storms off so you don’t ask him again & look like the bad guy😅not only that but also knowing your son would struggle with a nap and not helping is childish, he can be annoyed with you but he’s still a father too! My partner in contrast got me a cute card from our 1 year old, some presents, flowers for me and my mum and told me to go take a nap so he could clean & then we could have a chill day in together😅 not trying to brag but putting it out there that I didn’t have to ask him for any of that, sure people aren’t perfect but they shouldn’t have to ask what needs to be done & ignore you in a huff🤦‍♀️ so sorry this has been your Mother’s Day experience:(

I agree with Jess, sounds like you’re at the end of your tether so the guy is walking on eggshells and trying to keep out of your way. I only say this because I’ve been there myself. You need to recharge so you’re snapping less

First of all, I'm sorry your mother's day hasn't gone how you deserve. It is the same time every year, it's one day of the year, there's not a single reason for dad's not to be stepping up for this. So, him staying at his parents I wouldn't be upset about because like Jess said he may have felt uncomfortable staying with your parents. *However*, that does not justify him not communicating with you while he was there or making an effort to spend time with you. But, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he just doesn't want to be with you anymore (unless this is one incident of many over a few months). As for today, a grown man does not need help knowing what needs doing. He has eyes. But you told him anyway to save the fight and he STILL didn't do anything to help you. That's not miscommunication or misunderstanding, that's straight up 'I don't want to do any of that'

Commenters saying she has made him walk on eggshells need to check yourselves. She shouldn't and doesn't have to put up with this behaviour with a smile. Unless she clarifies otherwise, this is clearly not a first instance of this behaviour. People don't get this frustrated and burnt out out of nowhere. He's been neglecting her needs and his role as a partner and the consequence of that is a frazzled, fed up woman. OP you need to have a conversation with him about what you've told us here and how's it's made you feel, and how he reacts and responds will tell you what you need to know. If he discusses the issues and gives his side of things, and agrees to make a team effort to communicate better then excellent. If he reacts angrily, rudely, turns it round on you, blows things into a fight or tries to give you the cold shoulder then he's showing you he knows exactly what he's been doing wrong and he doesn't care how it makes you feel or to change. Then you decide if this the life for you. Good luck x

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