How do I navigate this

My husband has grown up in an enmeshed family dynamic. This has caused tension in our marriage. For the last 5 years, We've dealt with my in-laws overstepping boundaries, berating and manipulating my husband when he's tried to successfully set boundaries, wanting to know every decision we are making, including decisions in our marriage, finances and decisions surrounding our children. Race has also been a hot topic. My in-laws are white but have made micro aggressive and stereotypical comments in the past. I have expressed why our kids need diversity and why it's important for us to move to a more diverse area since we live in a very rural area. I've tried encouraging my in-laws to get involved in learning/educating themselves on black culture. I've even offered to show them how to do the kids' hair, which resulted in my mil making the effort once but never wanting to do it again. My in-laws have gossiped and criticized me for the things that I value, my husband and I's parenting style, how we are raising our kids, and so much more. They have not tried to invest in their relationships with me, but they have continuously only communicated with my husband about everything, including our children. I'm still letting them see our kids but have received so much backlash for setting the boundary that they could no longer see them every day/week. I'm just at my wits end. They're hard to love. How do I keep on loving like Jesus would. I almost want to no contact them for my own sanity. Please don't judge. Just need advice.

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Honestly sometimes going no contact is better than staying in contact… sometimes things don’t work out it’s part of life and the way you described it sounds like there zero effort being made by your in laws and with them being disrespectful to you I can’t imagine how you must feel. If you feel like you need to go no contact then do it for your sanity. Also if you ever need a friend my messages are open 24/7 i’m always here to be supportive and be a listening ear. I’m sorry if this message doesn’t help much I just want you to know that you’re doing an amazing job! 💕

Can relate to your pain on a good portion of your post! My BIL (now no contact since December) & my MIL (low contact) are completely oblivious to how ridiculous they sound saying some of their thoughts out loud. I think the best thing/advice is to go as low or no contact as you possibly can until they’re willing to put in the work. Way too many resources available for people to be making these types of mistakes! Praying for you 🙏🏾

What is your husband’s position on this and is he saved? The Bible is clear. A man will LEAVE his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife. So at this point, it’s up to your husband to set boundaries and keep up and enforce them. As your husband, he should protect you and your children yes even if that means from his own family. His family is now the one he created and that should be his top priority. I would have a serious conversation with your husband about that and seek wise spiritual counsel.

@✨Wis 🇭🇹 My husband is saved. His position on this is that he agrees with everything that I'm saying. His struggle is that he's afraid of his parents and having to have grown up in an enmeshed family. He's never had a voice or had to set boundaries. He has in the last month tried to reiterate our boundaries but my in-laws push back a lot and guilt/berate him for it. I can tell hes stuck between letting go of the family he came from and the one he's created. Long story short, we are going to marriage counseling April 18th.

@Michelle 🇺🇸 I'm sorry you've had to deal with something similar. My struggle is that I'm not sure if it goes against God with me, no contacting or partially low contact with my in-laws. I don't want to actively disobey him by doing so.

@Jessica Thank you so much. I appreciate your kindness and words of encouragement ❤️

@Gabby I’m glad you’re going to counseling and that you both are in agreement. What I would suggest is for you both to pray together about this daily, to study scriptures on boundaries, especially how Jesus set boundaries with people even with family. The more he studies, the Scriptures, the more it will strengthen him to take his position as the head of your family.

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