in September 2022 Babies 🇬🇧

Am I going mad?

Me and my MIL don’t get on a great deal. Past argument, situations bla bla bla. We see things differently and are completely different which is fine, we’re civil for my kids and partner. I try organise trips to the park, walks etc even when my partner is working as at the end of the day she’s a gran to my kids and my kids adore their grandad (her husband) who is a saint. Anyway, she never takes me up on the offers always waits or plans through my partner. I’ve tried and don’t have the energy or time to set aside time for her when she can’t be bothered dropping a message so this is a weekly thing. Either we go to hers or we go a walk etc (through my partner). I have a 2.5 year old and 8 month old I’ve not once had a Happy Mother’s Day from her, we always get flowers and a card from us all and either go to see her the day before (as my partners worked the Mother’s Day) or day after but always flowers and a card. I normally brush it off but this time round it’s made me feel really angry. She messaged asked for pictures of the kids so she could show she group chat “her beautiful grandbabies” I ignored it. Is it daft to be upset and annoyed by this?? Just to add, her daughter my SIL doesn’t look or talk or communicate to me when we see them. Just sits and ignores me and kind of blanks the kids unless I say to the kids mainly my toddler aw do you want to show your auntie the book or a toy etc. I honestly have got to the point of finding it all so draining. She’s said repeatedly maybe everytime we see them. Go back to work, I’ll retire and look after your children and it makes me feel sick. Why would I if we don’t have a trusting relationship? Am I being dramatic.

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Should you get a mothers day card from MIL?

No no I don’t want anything! But if I ever say aw Happy Mothers Day to her she goes aw thanks! Maybe it’s just me but my mum, sister, auntie and friends all wish me a Happy Mother’s Day I just thought it would have been nice that’s all. Maybe I’m wishful thinking eh?

I completely understand where you’re coming from and think it’s just polite and nice to wish your daughter in law a happy Mother’s Day. With how her and your SIL treat you I personally would stop bothering with them. It sounds draining and a bit toxic and I would try and distance myself. Your partner can take the kids to see his family, I wouldn’t go.

Thank you! Thought I was loosing it. Boundaries have been broken and they have upset me and I’ve always said if I wasn’t happy with something etc and ever since then it’s just been awful but I’m trying. I struggle with even the thought of my partner taking them down and me not there, makes me feel really anxious 😔

My MIL made an effort to message me saying happy Mother’s Day and also said it when I saw her on the day. Yes it is strange that she doesn’t mention anything to you. You are the mother of her grandchildren. I also find it strange she can’t communicate directly with you. Tbh sounds like you’ve tried enough and now I would just start to match her energy. If she messages you be fine etc but don’t go out of your way to make an effort with her. Treat her as she’s treating you and she will soon get the picture and you’ll not waste your energy x

It’s just so sad because I don’t have the time for it but I know how much she adores my kids that’s the sad part of it. I know if I went back to work full time and went aw can you watch x y z it would change because she’s got her way. If that makes sense? Man this is hard but thank you for making me realise, it’s not me!! X

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