Holiday dilemma including ex😖

Like Mose narcissist relationships I lost all my friends and family so I cannot even ask someone else to come along with me

Go somewhere in the UK. Then you can get home if ill or someone can come to help. Best of both worlds.

@Rachel the thing is, a lot of the places I can find in the U.K. are costing either the same or more than going abroad. Ideally I don’t want to have to rely on cooking and cleaning multiple times a day otherwise it’s not much different from staying at home.. however I’m finding most here are either B&Bs, caravans or similar so I’m literally only changing my scenery and continuing literally everything else..

Go. I had booked a holiday for me, my ex, my daughter and his son last year. My daughter was 1 and a half. Obviously we split so I still took her. We went to alcudia for a week and it was the best week of my life. It was hard because it was solely just me but it was absolutely amazing. There's always what ifs, what'll happen? But don't let that stop you from making precious memories!

It would be nice for your kids to actually experience the first time with you both. But if you must, Well keep it short and sweet, get travel insurance. Travel with necessities like anti bacterials and bleach wipes for the hotel room. Keep your kids hands clean all the time.

In the whole 40 years I’ve been going on holiday I’ve never got so ill I’ve been taken to my bed! You will be absolutely fine, go, have fun you and your son together :) This will be the first of many! 🥰

Go and enjoy yourself! If for any reason you find your child or even yourself ill, the healthcare system in Europe is amazing plus they love children, you will be ok! Make sure your travel insurance is up to date and don’t give it another thought. Honestly, just go. You won’t regret it.

I'd say go for it as well!! Make memories and enjoy yourself. You'll be fine! Make sure you have travel insurance in case but it's just a precaution. I used to be a single mum and took my two everywhere on my own. We used to travel to Europe and Morocco every time we could. The hardest time is the first time! Then you realise you can do it and have a good time! ;) 💪🏻

These comments have all been really positive🥰 I’m so full of anxiety and I know that if I keep lamenting on the “what ifs” then I will never get anything done! My biggest concern is what happens to my son should I be taken ill throwing up like I was last week with this nasty norovirus? Last week I had to call my ex to come watch our son and she even got pissy because firstly I called at 9 and she was like “what you want me to come now!” Then when it came to leaving I kept repeating I’m not sure how I’ll manage to put him to bed and still she decided to go to the gym annoyed at me because I didn’t tell her an hr before to cancel! It really made me even regret calling her but my son was fine, and I didn’t think I could cater to his needs for the day. I’m wondering if choosing a hotel that has babysitters just in case would help, or if I could order food to the room for him as I won’t be able to take him to the restaurant..

Since he has been born this is the first I have been sick like this and needed to call on help but it’s enough now to give me anxiety. I’m thinking what if I get sick on the plane, catch something that wipes me out (tbf last week I caught the flu AND Norovirus together so maybe thats why it was so bad). I know I can just fly back home but then all for my ex to kinda be like “I told ya so!” Sort of thing. It’s not like she can fly out there and get her son either but I can’t find anything online about what if YOU the parent get sick.. it’s always the baby, which I fell at least you are capable of looking after the sick baby, but the baby is just a baby!

After leaving my narcissistic ex, it took me years to rebuild my confidence. I'm sure you can do the same thing. You're more capable than you know, I admire your thoughtfulness in posts here, and you have so many people rooting for you!

There are tons of single moms with no support system who have no choice but to care for their (sometimes multiple) children alone even when they're sick. While it wouldn't be ideal, I'm sure that on the off chance you got sick you would be able to figure it out. You're more capable than you think.

Might sound controversial but go, life’s too short 🤷‍♀️ for all you know your ex may never have money to go, maybe they will but then you can all book another holiday! Life waits for no one and you never know what’s around the corner so go while you can ❤️

Even if you got sick home.... it sounds like you can't confidently call on the other mom to get her son without her making a big thing about it anyway. Go on the trip. Bring medicine, get travel insurance, don't eat from sketchy spots, buy bottled water...

@Abbi that’s the thing, I have many reasons as to why I want to go now and not later or next year and when I spoke to her the last time lol she said was if only she could sort things earlier or she had more time, and I was like what difference would that make?! You still wouldn’t have the money, or there would be something but she insisted more time would have allowed her to prepare better! Fact of the matter is, her passport expired years ago and I had told her before I even had our son to sort it out but nothing! I done his application and she just said “oh I should do mine” but didn’t. His one was even rejected and took about a month to sort out and still she never bothered! (May I add she did nothing to help me get his passport). Once I actually got it through the post last December THEN she said she will do it (she only actually tried within the last month!) iv given her nothing but time! She has done this with everything our whole relationship! I can’t miss any more!

@Raqi I’m really trying because I know my decisions have the ability really effect and shape my son and I don’t want him feeding off me and feeling like he can’t try with life because I never did and that’s what I showed him, or that all I did was hope one day something, someone was going to step in and make that change he needs instead of me just stepping up! I really appreciate the amount of support I have gotten here and I think im just going to go ahead, book it and get on that plane! I’ll deal with the what ifs, when they come @MK yeah my mum was one of them for the most of my life and she always took my sister and I away! We never worried because she never outwardly showed us that she was worried (if she was) but then I can see that she only went when there was 2 of us so we could watch each other if something happened and a lot of her friends were club reps and we’d conveniently stay in their hotels. But I see people do it all the time so I’m thinking… surely I can too?🤔

@Shay talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, the fact she didn’t bother and is now low key guilt tripping you tells me she might just be doing this to prevent you and your son going and having a good time, sounds a bit narcissistic (my ex is too) and who knows if she will ever bother to arrange it. The fact is you did bother and you did make the effort for you and your son so go and reward yourself/s. I totally get that it would be a nice idea all going together for your son but for all you know it might never ever happen - if she freaks out just tell her you can book one when she gets hers, then her true intentions will come to light 💖

@C you’re right, I can’t even explain how unbelievably disappointed I was with the whole situation when I was sick. I mean sure she came but she really dragged her feet! I told her multiple times to get a cab and I’ll pay because I need her here now and I had to say that a few times and in the end she had to walk back home as she already left! It would have taken her 30 mins or more if she continued her route! Now I feel should anything like that happen again I might just have to figure it tf out! Naturally if I was her I would have cancelled the days plans as my son should come first! She ended up coming back just to put him to bed which just annoyed me more! 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’m going to go ahead, I just need to decide if I should get the companies insurance or use go compare but I’ll figure it out

@Abbi haha it’s funny because in the break up of our relationship I kept repeating to her that actions speak louder than words! She couldn’t even argue with me as she kept saying I was right but none of that changes anything🤷🏽‍♀️. I went through so many issues with my sons passport so when she did hers I gave her a load of heads up, when hers was put on hold and they asked her to contact certain people or to provide extra proof she decided to send emails to embassy’s instead of keep calling, decided to rely on speculation instead of listening to me and just contacting her family asking for her old passport and I warned her they will take her money and reject it if she doesn’t hurry up but she was so adamant she had done all she could so she lost her money, got it rejected, found out her family had her old passport (the proof she needed) all along like I said and it’s been weeks now since she has had everything she needs and still I bet it’s still not done!

Not my problem, I’m going to try and calm my nerves and take him away and enjoy ourself! It will only be 7 days but it’s at least something! Thank you everyone!

Her son should have absolutely came first. Instead, she was clear about being inconvenienced. So fuck it. Chances of you getting sick on vacation are low. I've left the country 12x and only ever got sick one time and I did in fact eat somewhere sketchy🤣 so don't do that. It's 7days. The week will go by fast. You two will make incredible memories. You'll be caring for him but you'd be doing that anyway at home yk? So go enjoy a change of scenery. Go eat new foods. Go show him new views and smells. She's had the opportunity to go. She can't make it happen. Okay. It's not like she wasn't invited and you left her out. And honestly....it sounds like that would probably be a vacation you might regret whereas just going with your son and you might be one you look back on with so much fondness.

@C tbh with you, this gym business was the breaking point for me in our relationship. I asked her for some me time after birth, for her to spend more time with her son and just give me at least 5 mins to myself and she could never find the time and always made excuses. She then suddenly decided to join a cross fit gym 3x a week which obviously really annoyed me because I couldn’t get 5 mins but she could spend an hr 3x a week to “clear her mind”. She really showed me where her priorities lied when I got pregnant and I knew we wouldn’t last long after he was born but since then there have been so many instances where she will demonstrate she comes first while telling me her son (and me for whatever reason) come first and everything else can wait! In my heart I don’t want her to come away with us as I feel she will ruin it, but then something keeps nagging me saying, but what if something happens to me, what happens to my son?! I keep having intrusive thoughts all around him