So frustrated
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@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ thank you. And yeah, I honestly wish it was that easy to just leave. And when we first started dating he would make comments about my shirt going down too low/too much cleavage, and would ask me to change or kept telling me to pull it up when we were out in public. I have small boob's, btw. Like barely B cups. He hasn't made comments about my clothes in years though, but it's because I've changed how I dress which I hate that I did that for him and wish I would've left a long time ago. He was so nice otherwise and funny but he changed over the years (he's a cop so I know that has a lot to do with his mood changes). I love my kids but definitely regret staying with him and regret having kids with him, 100%. I try to make do with the situation I'm in but stuff like that really upsets me, and especially to make comments like that in front of our daughters. They understand more than he realized and I hate the example I'm setting for them by staying and letting him control me 😩
@Lyss I've honestly wondered if he was a narcissist before when I first heard the term/started hearing about stories online. And I hate considering what he does abuse since he never puts me down (i.e. you look bad in that) and he doesn't withhold finances or call me names/hit me. I know he manipulates me and tries to control me in his own way, and honestly reading that makes my heart break a little because that's exactly what happened to me over the years. I feel like I'm a shell of who I used to be when we first met over 10 years ago because I conformed to what he felt was "likeable" or "appropriate". I hate myself for it and hate the example I'm setting for my kids and it honestly makes my depression so much worse thinking about it but I feel like there's no other way right now with them still being so young and the political climate the way it is. I'm blessed we own a home and have our cars paid off, and I'm able to stay home with the kids since I know so many people would kill to be in my position.
@Lyss I appreciate the support though.
Trust me I feel this. My breasts are big though. Constantly being told to pull my shirt or dress up over my breasts. It’s annoying “You’re MY wife. Not anyone else’s. You’re mine to see. Not everyone else” I constantly feel like I need his approval on what I wear and then he says “why do constantly ask me?” I can’t win. That’s for sure. I have a son and I hate that my son is being raised by him partially. He’s so toxic. So mean. He was abused as a child and couldn’t feel his emotions and constantly tells my son to shut the fuck up when he whines or cries I hate it. I really do. I hope I’m enough to balance the toxicity My dad was a cop so I can understand your feelings. I truly do 🫶🏻
The reason I like to educate people on narcissism is not always so that you can leave- I mean if you can then you should (in general speaking)- but I had a narcissistic mom. So not all relationships are cut and dry. Like as much as I could not stand my mom I had to play the long game and eventually she died and the emotional abuse is over (granted that excluding years of cptsd from her that I still process daily). So I get you can’t just leave. I also say this as someone who is disabled (audhd) myself. So i know how our current society doesn’t help in a lot of situations. But knowing about narcissism can make a difference. It’s like knowing your enemy. Narcs are smart. You just gotta learn to outsmart them. Learn how to not fall for their mind games. Learning to deal with a narcissist is so much easier when you understand the person you are dealing with. You can start protecting yourself and your kids by doing little things like setting examples of boundaries. I had to plan to
Leave my ex. It wasn’t over night. It took me a year to get to a point I could get him out. And that’s with some privileges I had. So I understand it’s a loooonnnng game… but again if you know the game they are playing you don’t have to necessarily jump through all the hoops if that makes sense. Like for example learn to grey rock (method). Edited to add again i know you can’t leave but you can learn to protect yourself emotionally better. Knowing you aren’t dealing with a rational person.
Girl I could have written this myself with some adjustments I am so sick of hearing “why don’t you just leave” Like it’s easy as a snap of a finger I have health issues too and needed the health insurance I regret ever marrying this man and regret ever having a child with him too I’m so so sorry and I just want you to know you are not alone! He has never commented on my appearance but he definitely has his controlling ways otherwise If you ever need to talk, my inbox is open 🫶🏻