Imposter

SOO ya in my 30s ..about to be 34, yet I still feel like I'm 18. Maybe even younger. Compared to other moms in their 30s.. I feel like I am not an adult with some of the things you guys want to talk about 🤣🤣. It's cool we all have our lifestyle.. some of us just have it together in other departments. I have been friendless for oh God.. more than 15 years.. first not by choice..then came by choice..now it's a want vs a need.( I know 🥺) That being said I am finding it hard to relate to most of you and its not just becauseof my tism its great its fun (at times) . I'm broke but work, I am happy, Married to my best friend and proud of that, I have two wild young boys that definitely push me out of my comfort zone when we go into the out, something is always wrong or broken but we still have optimistic thoughts. NOT only that but I ALWAYS seem to attract opposite of what I want 🤣 What I want No negative Nancy's ALL THE TIME. Life sucks we get it okay I don't mind a vent or two but if I'm constantly being a free counselor..I'm gonna have to start charging a fee. Because it's exhausting and I do enough of that at work. No two word bull 💩 even worse no words and just abbreviations. Girl if you hit me with a Hbu? Why would I spend my limited time and energy entertaining that if you can't be bothered to put some energy in. Your tired I'm tired WE ALL TIRED okay but how the heck do you think you are going to make friends if you don't...that tells me your intentions are in the wrong basket and I don't want to buy it. I don't care if we go somewhere or not. I'm just as fine having a texting buddy. I'm introverted and riddled with anxiety yet somehow want to experience extroverted life🤣 That being said don't tell me about other friends 👏👏 I will get upset that you have that privilege 🤣🤣 kidding. But I am that one die hard friend and I friend hard.. now that being said ..IM NOT NEEDY. It's just..isn't it nice to have someone you can be stupid with all day ..if you want to?! Okay with a touch of seriousness and responsibilities and support 🤌🏻 we are not barbaric. But I'm not a group friend I'm a solo friend that wants to think we are eachothers one and only 🥹 in a non creepy positiveness way. I want you to have you shit together in a bag okay..sometimes you can unpack it. But I don't want to fix you I want to support you..like a friend should. Anyway what's the point of this post... me ranting with a side of complaining with also the hope you feel what I feel and we feel together and become the most best of friends that we decide to go to the same nursing home and pretend we are losing our marbles but in reality we are just two bored mischievous ol bats. Doesn't that sound nice? Or was I to blunt again?