Am I overreacting? Caught husband lying
Show your support
So he downloaded a dating app WHILST MARRIED and then proceeded to flirt/chat with a girl he met off there? 🥴 I’m not surprised you’re doubting everything as clearly he has a history of lying! You would think after nearly ending your marriage he would never lie to you again about anything - big or small. He clearly has an issue with telling the truth and that is serious. Not sure what to suggest really. If you go couples counselling again, does he even understand the severity of him lying? I think he also needs to attend individual counselling too to get to the root cause of why he feels the need to lie as default. What a tough spot he’s put you in. If you can’t trust him to do something as basic as tell the truth, do you even have a relationship? 🤔
@Neena It was such a bizarre thing I found out because I went on his computer to print something and then saw a chat open with the girl. I read the whole thing and was shaking. I noted her phone number. I then confronted him and he came clean. Said he met her on bumble dating and just spoke on chat. They went on a date at 7:30pm one night to Niagara. He came home that night at 2am. And he told me he just went alone. I called the girl directly and she was shocked he was married. She apologized and told me nothing physical happened but they held hands and he kissed her on the cheek and hugged. But she did say “I feel like if I told him to get a hotel room he would have said lets do it” I was totally shattered. And he “swore” it was just this one time and only one person. I didnt find any other chats on the phone so I dont know. Anyways I stayed in the marriage cause of the child. We did therapy. He even did individual therapy. I did therapy also.
He stopped doing therapy and its been over a year now! So I dont know. Is there a point to therapy? He just lies to get out of situations. Literally I feel he is a pathological liar. My brother went through a divorce and I have seen how the kids are impacted. Its terrible to see it. I am at a point where I feel I am in this marriage for the kids and thats all. Maybe thats the expectation that should get set now I dont know
Also this girl btw sent me their whole chat history when I spoke to her So I read it all I couldnt even recognize the man in that conversation Today we had another fight over something I was so hurt by it And the doubt of cheating is in my head I just found the old chat on my phone and I read it again I know I shouldnt have but I did I still dont recognize that person Dont understand how a man with a wife and child at home can just leave at night to go fling around with another girl he met online
You sound like you don't trust your husband and he has a history of denying what he's said/done rather than owning up to it. Deep down you're probably wondering 'if he's lying about this, what else is he doing?' you might have past resentment. You know better than any of this what to do. You can't sustain not trusting your partner, especially after the kids born!
Guys lie so much...I never in million years thought I be here.. but we had rough time since beginning and even when I thought my gut was telling me he was doing something..dipping out and just anger, short fuse but sometime come home happy or excited to go out. I'm drowning with 1 year old or 6 month old and..I saw the chat, never told him, can't tell him. I don't know how to tell him I know. I told him I know, he said he not cheating, he tells friends he loves them.. no u don't especially not girls. He was saying, excited to see u, can't wait, can' w chat..I think he has no type like many guys but she not interested in him sexually..difference of race but he talks about snuggling and chilling w her... I've been so messed up since then and it's been month and he won't admit it. He like prove it? He showed me phone, ,computer once and deleted it all, everything private but i can see chat with girl but i can't see text unless password used on Fb. I didn't know u could pw on fb chats. These men
He's trying make it up, by being this loving guy but thar guy was dead for 2yrs and now he different guy, and its because she was talking tu him and opened him into his teenager they did xoxoco and I love u and he like i love u so much, ur such great god friend...I think he delusional. I saw him talk about chilling at hotel, she knows he has kids and is like, dam ur wife doesn't know ur so amazing.. like girl shut up, u don't have kids or a baby, she has a 17yr I saw profile got baby when she in teens. I swear,I tried telling him swear on xyz,I know they lie, it means nothing. I look at the chats too.i wish I saved the voice msgs.i was so shaking crying etc. One time he said should he use protection.. she like no u said we chilling aka she don't want him like that for now. It's devastating. He curious or bored or you guys fight lot or kid coming the he don't want or many kids in home. He wanted to tell world about pregnancy guys can't wait, it's weird and they think it's everyone business.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think you’re overreacting because if you can’t trust your husband to tell you the truth about this, what else might he be lying about? I can imagine it’s exhausting having to push him to tell you the truth - it’s quite child-like behaviour which you don’t need when you’re expecting an actual child! You said you went to therapy for his previous indiscretion. How did that work for you then? Is it worth trying again? Perhaps he should also seek independent help to understand why his default is to lie. Then there’s the issue of how you feel about him telling people without you. Your main issue seems to be the lying so not sure how important it was to you to tell people together or if the issue is more him telling people so soon. Personally, we chose to tell our close friends separately but my partner did check with me first when he could tell people and stuck to that. I hope it works out!