Dad Who can't be bothered

The obvious first step would be speaking to him, which I am sure you have (even though he should already know all of this). Secondly, what outcome are you wanting? Him to see her more or less? If he is messing everyone about, I would personally go through the courts but I’m sure there is many people that would go down a different avenue. Coming from divorced parents, this is the age where she will start picking things up, if she knows she was due to see him and he’s cancelled (no matter what excuse you give to your child) it will start to affect her. I would definitely get something in place soon and really drum into him the long term affects it could potentially do it her. He sounds extremely selfish x

I've spoken to him several times and even my daughter has. When he gets made to feel bad about about the kids and how the feel he makes and effort for 2/3 weeks then stops. He never calls them or messages them. They have to ring him and even then he never stays on the phone for long. He doesn't bother with school or their parents evening. His girlfriend always needs him and he's told both girls they need to build their relationship and the girls need to understand that xx

I don’t know if you have an agreement in place already but I’d suggest fixing the days/ times he sees the kids and if he doesn’t commit stop letting him see them. Go through mediation if you have to. They will not thrive on his inconsistency. I appreciate he works odd hours but I don’t think that’s an excuse. He’ll still get days off so as long as your schedule and the kids can be flexible, the agreement could be to take the kids for the day/night on a day off a week (I assume they’ll have school). If schedule really doesn’t work for regular weekly contact consider he takes the kids one weekend a month or certain school holidays etc and actually calls them regularly. He will simply have to take leave or consider changing jobs to accommodate time with his children. These are his kids too. He has as much responsibility raising them as you do. To prioritise a relatively new relationship over his own kids is appalling!! His girlfriend should understand that!!

Even on his days of he doesn't see them, he's with her. I've had to cancel a late birthday present for myself and sister as he was refusing to have the kids so Ive lost out on a lot of money

“Understand that they need to build a relationship” THEYRE 8! I went through this with my Bio dad and the amount of times my brother and me would sit waiting for him to come get us and he never did. In the end my mum went through what used to be CSA (think it’s a different name now) and they suggested mediation for all 4 of us and my dad never showed so the team at CSA did actually tell my mum that as long as she could say that it was affecting our wellbeing, she had no obligation to continue to contact him about spending time with us. We didn’t see my dad from when we were 12 to when I was about 21 and moved to Chester for uni.

I've told him they both need a relationship with him as they're 5 & 8.. Especially when our 8 year is now on the autism pathway

He told your girls they need to understand that he has to spend time with his girlfriend…? Sorry, but he’s not only an awful father but he’s also insane. This can be highly traumatic for kids, like Shannon above said, my ex was also quite traumatised by his dad never showing up when he was supposed to have him. They don’t think “my dad is an asshole” they internalise that their dad doesn’t love them and it must be their fault.