Fed up of my partner

Long story short, I have always been the one to handle the majority of things in our lives, cooking, cleaning, buying groceries, including being the breadwinner for most of our relationship. For obvious reasons since becoming parents he has needed to participate more, but I always need to prompt him or absolutely lose my mind until he does anything, then he’ll promise he will start doing it more and over time will slowly forget to do it and we repeat the cycle over and over again… I honestly can’t do this anymore, I’m so fed up! He has an answer for eveything! ‘I couldn’t do it this morning because I had to do this’ or ‘I had planned to do it on the weekend’ or ‘why don’t you write it in the calendar so that even though you’ve told me about it every week since it was planned, It’ll be written down so I can view it with my own eyes instead…’ I’m back working an earning money again (we both freelance) and I’ve found on a number of occasions he has gone out to play a round of golf whilst I’m at work and my daughter is at nursery instead of looking for more work… But the thing that infuriates me the most is he will do something like clean the living room and kitchen or fold away the laundry and place it at the top of the stairs (because it’ll magically end up in a cupboard somewhere) then he springs on me ‘oh I’m just off out to play a round of golf, will that be alright?’ Or ‘George has asked if I can play some games tonight, do you mind?’ It’s like I’m his mother or something, I’ll do this nice thing for you so you’ll let me go out and play! I know this is a common experience for a lot of women, but does anyone have any experience where they’ve somehow managed to successfully communicate with their partner and seen some actual change? I don’t know what to do anymore!

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I'm going to come in with a negative. This sounds like my relationship with my husband. He would do things - only when asked... and do it so badly that I would end up doing it myself and not asking him again... or I'd lose my shit then I'm the baddy... I feel if you have to ask for the bare minimum they're not interested. And if you're getting that upset... and he is constantly upsetting you... he doesn't care... My husband is soon to be my ex husband. We split when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never met my youngest - on his own say so...

I know this might sound ‘easier said than done’ but leave him. Because, what else? Talk about him to others for the rest of your lives? Tell a person once how you feel and what you’d like them to do but if they choose to not do it, then that’s up to them. You can’t control him and make him be who you want him to be. I’m not saying it’s easy but you choose your hard. All the best xx

I'm torn on the asking if it's okay to do something part, my partner does the same thing and in my head I am thinking I'm not your fucking mummy but then on the other hand if he just fucked off out while I'm slogging at home with the baby I'd be livid so where's the happy middle? Also, I am of the mindset 'do what you NEED to do, then what you WANT to do' and it sounds like that's what he's doing? Regarding work, is he getting enough work to contribute his share of the bills/baby purchases and his own bits? Or is he relying on you making up the difference and bailing him out?

Also, if he's not "remembering" to contribute to things stop doing them for him. Stop washing his clothes, stop cooking him meals, stop putting his things away. I don't do my partners washing unless there's absolutely nothing elsr and I'm feeling generous, I cook for the family and if they don't like it tough tits. If I don't feel up to cooking because I'm burnt out I sort myself something, the kids make sandwiches/wraps and he can sort himself. When I find his stuff lying around I dump it in a heap on the floor out of my way and ignore it!

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