In laws Visiting from Abroad After Birth — Advice Needed

I’m a first-time mum and looking for some advice. My husband’s mum and brother, who live abroad, want to visit when the baby is born. They’re planning to stay for about 3 weeks, possibly longer. They would stay elsewhere most of the time but also hope to spend a few nights with us. I’m feeling quite anxious — I’m naturally private, get overwhelmed easily, and I really don’t know how I’ll feel after giving birth. I’m worried about needing space to bond, heal, and adjust without feeling pressured. My husband only has a couple of weeks off work, and I imagined us using that time to soak everything in and create a little bubble as a new family. He feels torn because he always pictured his family being part of this exciting time. While I know they want to help, I worry it could be distracting for him and make it harder for us to bond properly, find our rhythm, and build a routine. I’m also concerned about the risk of germs with them flying long-haul. Has anyone been in a similar situation with family visiting from abroad? Is it reasonable to ask them to delay their trip — and if so, by how long? Did you find having extra help useful, or was it overwhelming? How did your partners manage their families’ expectations? I’d love to hear your experiences and what you think is reasonable! Thank you so much!

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Not been in your situation but if you want to delay the trip do it. Those first couple weeks after birth are HARD! You’re dealing with learning to care for a baby, you’re dealing with the biggest hormone drop you’ll ever experience and not to mention the physical side of things vaginal birth, c section, smooth sailing or needing stitches it’s hard not to mention if you plan to breastfeed those first few days / first week can be painful! If you’re not comfortable with confrontation send out a mass text laying out your ground rules and with an estimate on when you would like visitors. If anyone had a problem with that they don’t deserve to be around you or your baby!

I haven’t had this personally if anything the other way round where family couldn’t be bothered to so much as call after having our little one 12 days ago. I think it’s nice they really want to come & be a part of it. However if you’re not comfortable then you need to set your boundaries. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting space to bond & heal with your baby & be in your own bubble as once husband is back to work you won’t get this time back. Could you maybe have 7-10 days at home just the 3 of you & then have them come? They will still spend time with baby but u get your time first? They’ll still have 4-7 days with your partner still there too. I was in hospital 6 days with my little one so you could position it that it’s best to leave it that long in case you’re in hospital & then want a few days at home to adjust & don’t want any of their trip to be wasted for them

I totally understand. I’d ask them to wait to book flights until you feel ready. You are so right that the time your hubby has off will be vital for bonding as a new family and getting used to the big change you are about to go through. You are the one giving birth so whatever makes you more comfortable is completely reasonable! I am in a similar situation (however no flights involved) and we haven’t given a time frame either as you just don’t know how you’re going to feel. My in laws were really understanding.

ask your husband to tell them to wait to book their flights as you can go over due up to 2 weeks & it’s better they visit once you’ve settled yourselves. I know they are excited to come but it’s not necessary directly after birth unless you want that. You can say no one is coming even your side if that makes them feel better

I was. I didn't accept any visitors for the first 6 weeks and it was the best decision ever. They can wait a little bit really. It's important for you to settle, heal, bond with baby, find a little routine with partner, let the pp emotional rollercoaster ease a bit, start breastfeeding if you want to. You LL have other things to do and think than entertaining family for so long. Also if you are a private person as I am, you LL get SICK to have people getting into a soooooo private moment for you as a new mom. For your sake, I would set a firm and loving boundary. Also, never forget that if you don't set boundaries, they come and things go wrong, the relationship with them can also be damaged. I would protect that and tell them you are not sure about having visitors yet and that you and partner will let them know whenever you are ready. My mom came almost 7 weeks pp and she stayed in another place. I wouldn't have had family over with a newborn. You need your space. Good luck with that

It really depends on your relationship with your partner’s family and how considerate they are likely to be of your need for space etc. Ultimately you are the one giving birth and so you should be able to set whatever boundaries you think will help you and your partner should help explain that to your family. In my case, my partner has family abroad too and culturally it is normal that a close female relative will come stay to help with the baby for the first 40 days. Our baby came 3 weeks early so the first 2 weeks were just us and that was really nice, but after that it was also really great to have his mum’s help. I had a difficult recovery physically and so the extra pair of experienced hands made a big difference. What helped in particular was that his mum is very considerate and respectful, so she didn’t assume anything and only looked after the baby when we asked her to help so we could sleep / eat etc

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