Men privilege

That’s wack… did he even talk to you before booking this concert and overnight? I’d be pissed. While my husband can’t do it all himself (breastfeeding obviously) he definitely tries to give me a break and play with our daughter (also because duh, he’s her dad) after work and on weekends. Sounds like he’s not taking care of you while you take care of your daughter

Hurt. Honestly super hurt. This happened to me I was so mad and felt so many emotions but husband didn’t end up going. I don’t know if he ever fully understood me in that situation. I know the friends that I was a complete c u n t. But I didn’t care I was wrecked from our first baby and depression. So I feel yah. It’s shitty.

Idk if you have access to a car and money, but to show him how disrespectful his decision to make plans for himself was, you should leave when he’s on his way, book a hotel stay for you and your baby. Order room service, swim in the pool, go out to eat. See if there are children’s museums in the area and don’t come back till Saturday when he’s off. You deserve to take care of yourself and if he won’t listen to you. Be silent and show him. Draw back on your nurturing of him and meeting his needs. Make him an option and not a priority and don’t explain why. I’m not trying to destroy your relationship but I am exposing you to how men learn. Talking only gets you so far and leaves you drained. You have little options but you have some. Choose you in your marriage and do what you can. You deserve to be heard, seen, and valued and supported. If he won’t do it of his own free will, force by less action and rejection will show him ❤️

That would be a no from me, dude. Like, go ahead and go but when you get back be ready to have a discussion with me about how much you'll be paying me for childcare, house cleaning, meal prep, etc. I'll go ahead and start operating under the assumption that we're roommates since that is how you have been treating me. Like a roommate who takes care of the house and kid for you.

Devils advocate here I guess but I’d be fine with it? Maybe he could’ve mentioned it to you about how you’d feel prior to booking but this guy works 6/7 days a week to support his family so you can be a sahm and I’m presuming it’s not a regular occurrence

To be honest, I would point to the lack of discussion with you regarding his plans. I am also a SAHM with a baby and 4 year old and my husband is the only one working and no family members that can help out. There needs to be open communication with any plans you or he makes, as both parents deserve breaks equally. Plan in advance, figure out the baby's need and what's most convenient for the parent taking a break. I can understand the need to stay at the hotel as it would be convenient, you can also plan something for yourself as a break. Or plan a routine where he is contributing a bit more to support you. Maybe the coming Saturday, you can have a 'me day', go out with friends, go shopping anything that you would feel relaxed in and your husband can take care of the baby.

I actually wouldn’t mind. He doesn’t work on Friday nights? I’d be clocking off on Friday night or Sat night when he gets back and not working, and getting dressed up to go out, I do that anyway. Girlll you are Latina, find a local salsa/bachata social to go to lol that’s where I go on a Friday night 💃🏼 don’t need anyone to go with, everyone comes alone coz as you know, salsa/bachata is partner dancing you can’t do that alone, you get partnered up as soon as the lessons start. That’s where you’ll find your Latina friends as well. I’ve seen some on IG that are in Texas but I’m not sure how far you are from the city.

Thank you y’all for your messages. I truly felt supported and validation. I’m not wrong to feel hurt and disrespected. I don’t have friends and I don’t have money. I talked about this with my family (through videocall) and their responses were “it sucks but that’s how all the men are). I’m not gonna accept that.

I’m in the same place as you. I’d be happy to vent and share stories anytime! I would not like it because it’s really hard on me for sure. But I also try to remember that we do still need lives outside of each other. Even if I’m not ready or able to have my own yet. Your feelings are completely valid though! I feel the same way.

@Charlie I agree! A discussion and heads up would have been a much better approach! People need breaks and lives. While it’s definitely harder for moms and totally okay to feel upset it don’t mean that dads have to be “stuck” also.

Personally my husband would never opt to leave to do something like that without us.

Sounds like you don’t have a partner. Being a provider financially doesn’t make you a husband or a father. He needs to stop being so selfish.

Personally. As a SAHM of two kids (14m and 4m) him not asking you makes me irate. It would be like if you took the kids two hours away and not tell him. It would make him mad. So why does he feel so comfortable doing it to you? Personally I think is bs and he’s taking you for granted. Maybe pull out the statistic a SAHM generates 150,000 a year doing everything in the house if you were paid per profession. My man said I was lazy and got to sit on my a$ all day and do nothing. I pulled that statistic out and said if I worked we both would need to generate that income just to subsidize what all I do for the house. Not to mention we have two dogs so add a vet on there too.

@Soli 100% you are right to feel hurt and your feelings are valid. Also what your family says I think, this is how older generations have assigned role to husband and wife. You can definitely break the cycle by having open and calm communication, sharing your thoughts and feelings with your husband. You know your husband best and what would work best for him to understand your point of view. It takes time to achieve balance in the new dynamic with the baby. Your husband is a provider and I hope he is a good husband and father. You are definitely an amazing mom and it's a struggle. Take one day at a time. If money is an issue, try to find mom's near by who you can meet up with. Take the initiative to create mom groups or go to parks and strike up a conversation. Sometimes other mom's are in the same boat as you and this way you might be able to make friends for yourself and your baby.

Your feelings are completely valid. I’d talk to him about you guys taking turns for “me days”, even if that looks like him taking your baby to the zoo or whatever while you have wine and pizza and a couple hours of peace. I had a similar situation where I was at my wits end and my husband casually strolled in completely oblivious saying he was going to start doing 2 a days at the gym Monday through Saturday. I legit snapped on him. I ended up letting him know I was going to the gym 5 days a week for 2 hours. Did wonders for my mental health and I felt like I had more energy and patience with my son as well.

I’d be upset that he not only doesn’t help, but for this specific scenario didn’t even communicate with you or ask you how you’d feel. My partner wanted to go on an ozark trip when I’d be a month pp and he made absolutely sure that I’d be comfortable. Honestly he didn’t even want to bring up going to me because he felt like I’d need the help with 2 under 2, but I told him I’d have to figure it out eventually and if I struggle for a weekend then so be it because I knew how important it was to him getting to be a mentor in this program and get some outdoor time with no phones/drinking/smoking, etc. Your partner should consider how things affect you as well, his life is supposed to be different too now that he’s a dad, moms aren’t the only ones who have to give things up and make changes.

Rage. That's all I'd feel. If a mom did this she'd be called all kinds of names. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to understand too. My baby is 6 months old and I take care of him and the house. I 1 night had a seizure while doing the dishes and afterwards he wanted me to finish the dishes and still care for the baby. You absolutely don't deserve to be the only one doing anything.

Guess where I’d be when he got home? Not there lol. Fuckkkk that. Your baby is almost a year old. All that hard work you’ve done and you don’t get to enjoy this concert with him. Ma’am that’s a child not a husband. You have 2 children.

@Arie yes this this this!!

Compromise! If he gets to go out, so do you. He takes care of the baby while you go and have a much needed break.

Girl I’m in the same area you’re in if you need a friend I’m available to talk :)