in November 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

Relaionship changes

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years this is our first baby. I’m so upset with him! I don’t actually see how we are going to come through this now. As expected our lives have changed hugely. But I don’t like him anymore. He’s become lazy (or maybe he always was) he doesn’t help me with the baby, he only thinks of himself. I barely have time to wash or do anything I’m probably washing twice a week if that currently! He has a shower every morning before work and sometimes baths before bed aswell. I don’t get the option to do that because I’m looking after the baby. When I ask for his help… it’s on a timer and he always just sits with her infront of the tv (something I’m not a fan of with screen time). And doesn’t play with her or do anything productive. He’s going off on stag dos, days out with his dad and I haven’t had my hair cut in 7 months and I’ve just had to cancel my appointment this week as I can’t get any help with the baby. I feel like he’s living like a single man with zero responsibilites and I’m doing everything. When I speak to him about it he just says all the right things but the actions never follow. I’m at my wits end!!!

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What's your relationship like with his mum? Could you lean on her to give him a prod possibly? I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like this and sending a big hug. Xx

I could have written this post myself. I'm at breaking point with all of it now... I'm struggling to manage everything and he's always like "i don't get as much time for me anymore" and it's insulting when hes off out playing golf, having lie ins, going out drinking, off to ireland in two weeks time for a stag do which is friday - sunday and then theres me struggling to shower and even go to the toilet. He works night shifts too and I've never ever had a night off doing the feeds and waking up with our son. He wanted the baby so much, but now he's here it's like he just can't be bothered. He does nothing in the house either lately and says he shouldn't have to as "you're the one at home and haven't been to work in months". I honestly feel your pain. If you want to message me for a rant or just someone to listen to you, please feel free xx

I feel exactly like this. Sick of asking permission to take a shower or even put laundry away. X

I'm sorry to hear that. Know that you're not the only one. I was working sometimes as a babysitter and there were also Mums with few months old babies and how many times I was asked to come for few hours and it was a chance for them to actually have a shower, wash hair etc. 99% of the time husbands were at home (working from home). I'm sure it would be doable for them stay to with a baby for 5, 10 mins but no.... how grateful those Mums were 😊 Before we have children they all say beautiful words but after most of us can't rely on our partners. This is the reality. Stay strong. I just had a quick shower because baby's napping.

I’d consider getting a weekly day by day planner and sitting him down and writing in when you will each do things like add a bath in for you etc for the week ahead. This way no conflict because it’s future planning rather than focusing on where he has been going wrong. See if you can suggest a totally different week where you both get equal amounts of me time. Doing something like this might be the only way he looks at things like showers etc as me time. My guess is he isn’t doing it to hurt you he might just be blindly being a bit selfish. I’d also do the above advice of thinking who influences him and possibly trying to get some support in explaining to him why you need support. Although that could backfire if it’s not a supportive person of your relationship. I really hope things improve for you- you absolutely should have someone as a teammate. ❤️

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