Bad daydream and thoughts
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transgressions and betrayals, lost the marriage, through physical defects of my own, coupled with long Covid, became disabled, have to split custody with a MASSIVE douchebag, but have to just smile and watch my babies walk away from me from half of the rest of my life (and I will just have to let my babies eventually grow to learn and experience his selfishness and verbal, mental and emotional abuse (because there’s not a god damn thing that I can do to stop it thanks to a judge’s decree that he was the sperm donor and deserves 50%). He fooled me for 15 years before the truth came to light, who knows how long it’ll be until my babies recognize that a large part of my failing them is due to his failing them (and me). I had AMAZING parents growing up. But they failed me. In a great many ways. Some of which never allowed me to stumble or fall, so learning how to pick myself up as a grownup was a million times harder than it would have been to learn as a child. (Contd.)
Parents are people. People fail people. Parents fail children. Period. All ANY of us can do is to just do our best with what we have and no one can do any better than our best. That’s just math. Do your best. The number #1 thing to raise a successful child who is happy and that you have a good, healthy relationship with is to love them. Love them tremendously and unconditionally (loving them unconditionally does NOT mean allowing them to do anything they want or not giving them boundaries, it means loving them and supporting them learning from and dealing with the consequences of their stupid decisions! 😆). Love her. That’s the best thing that you can do for her, above all. And just accept failure. Whether you accept it or not, she will remind you ALLLLLLLLLLL about ALLLLLLLLLL of your failures as soon as she’s a teen! 😆😆😆
(Read all the way through!) Quite honestly, accept the failure! Because, guess what? Yep. You failed her. Now. And you will over and over and over again. For as long as you live, you’re going to fail her. But!!! You’re not failing her because she’s going to grow up with a single mom. You’re not going to fail her because she’s not going to grow up with the white picket fence and 1.5 siblings and a dog and etc., etc., etc.. You are going to fail her…. because you’re human. Period. ALLLLL parents fail their children. In SO, SO, SO many different ways. Even those of us who DO grow up with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and the dog, etc., STILL have parents who fail us. I myself thought I was well on the road to having the fence, dog, etc, and I DID have the fence, the dog (ok, 4 cats, same thing 😆) and the 2.5 children (well, 3 because yeah, how do you have half of a child? 😆)…….. and then all of a sudden I didn’t. Found out all about my ‘loving husband’s’ many (contd.)