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I didn’t breastfeed, and we have the exact same problem in our house where my boy will scream, cry, kick off and wail if his dad tries to put him to bed. So I’m just here to say, this problem isn’t created by that. X
@Kaz (Karen) thank you so much, it's nice to know I'm not alone! Im starting to feel a bit embarrassed to be breastfeeding at this age but it feels like the right thing for my daughter. I do think she knows she can mess me around at bedtime, and maybe I should find a way to involve my husband more. The independence thing is definitely at play here too!! Really appreciate your comment x
@Emma so nice to know!! Thank you, and hopefully I can get my husband to understand that too! How do you handle your little boy just wanting you at bedtime? X
I just give in and go do it 🙈🙈 I just can’t bear listening to him being so upset over it. I know that I need to give him and his dad time to figure it out - they need to find their own way and I know it won’t happen if I intervene, but I just can’t let him get so beside himself when I’m literally in the house and able to go up and be with him. Interestingly, on occasions where I’ve gone out for an evening though, he doesn’t kick off, he goes to sleep with dad doing the routine - if I’m not there he knows it’s not an option!
I breastfeed my boobie monster a lot too, boob on demand and booby and book for going to sleep. Every night, always me. I'm fine with it....it works. I've always gone for path of least resistance! It's amazing how responsive you have been and how long you've breastfed for. Its ok to find it hard sometimes too! I was poorly the other night too and I didn't know how I'd get through. We actually just explained a few times I was poorly and my son was really sweet and seemed to understand...... came to bed no bother! To me there are 2 or 3 different things here... settling to sleep shouldn't take 2 hours, involving another caregiver, and then maybe setting boundary around breastfeeding. Your husband unable to get her to sleep is absolutely not because of breastfeeding. It's probably because he's not patient enough and she picks up on it. But if you can try to crack the 2 hour bedtime, you could move on to involving your husband more to get a break.
If you're on Instagram, this post might resonate about breastfeeding to sleep and other caregivers settling https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIemplzxqiC/?igsh=MXAzanJtbnI2cXkzaQ== I love this account, lots of supportive stuff, no sleep training.
And here's her guide on introducing a secondary settler which you might find helpful. I have it in mind to do this soon when I start needing to travel for work again. https://www.secondstarsleep.com/product-page/introducing-a-secondary-settler?fbclid=PAY2xjawJ2NJBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABp4kvpWdeRFU2VOQU8sgDT0lg5syB44LRm0X-6Ta0F8mzKUp4mqI-Mims0mlE_aem_44Sd1ZRKyqIlDaIOSqGMyA
We didn’t breastfeed however my lg does still have a small bottle for comfort and part of her routine for going to bed. She is a mummy’s girl for bedtime I work past her bedtime for 2 nights a week so my husband does those 2 (does take a little longer) but all the other nights I do unless I’m unwell and I normally re-settle her (aka bring her to my bed) if she was to wake in the night. I think it’s really normal for toddlers to want mummy and I read recently that there’s a mini regression round this age in regards to seperation anxiety and nightmares can start. Your probably her biggest comfort (my girl has her dummy and donkey if I’d been successful in breast feeding it probably be me£ I think breastfeeding is stop when your ready We’re also going through clingy phase of mummy help feed me or do things she can do and I think it’s where she’s encouraged to be so independent at nursery that she just wants to be looked after by mummy when she’s home.
Also to add my friend who’s lb is a few months older probably breast fed the same amount as you at this point 3/4 months ago and he is completely weaned off now. I think she weaned the day first by distracting and offering food or water cuddles etc
My daughter was a boobie monster and I was so desperate to stop. It got really triggering for me because I would lose sleep because she’d want to latch onto me all night. I’m a single mum so it was hard. Then I read somewhere someone put apple cider vinegar on their boob and it deterred their little one. It worked for me and I told her my milks gone old and she’s a big girl now. It has worked for me! She moved onto bottle milk and we’ve just dropped that. We now have an established bedtime routine with books and cuddles.
Firstly congratulations on breastfeeding for so long! It’s a huge commitment and a wonderful gift that you’ve given your child, so you should definitely be proud of yourself! I stopped breastfed my son a few months ago, at my decision because I was pregnant and didn’t feel I had it in me to tandem feed! If you do want to stop the breastfeeding side of it (although no guarantees it makes sleep better) I really recommend Emma Pickett’s podcast and book - she specialises in breastfeeding older children and stopping breastfeeding, and has some good methods that I used. I gradually cut down feeds with my son until I was only doing one before bed, and then with that I cut down how long that feed was gradually. We worked on a new bedtime routine with books, cuddles and songs. Good luck with whatever you choose
I second Emma Pickett's podcast Makes Milk.... she has episodes on establishing boundaries too, so if you just want more say in when breastfeeding happens, rather than to wean, there are lots of strategies to do this. All very kind and supportive.
I have no words of advice as such. Just a bit of solidarity on the breastfeeding side. My youngest is a boob monster and is showing no signs on wanting to stop. When he comes home from nursery he will happily spend hours on the boob 😂. Whilst they don’t necessarily need it. It’s still quite normal (natural weening age is anywhere between 2 and 7 from what I read). I will say though. He rarely goes to sleep for me. Even with boobing to sleep (he only does this rarely) my husband has to take him to sleep. He normally ends up walking him around to say goodnight to random things in the house. At the moment he is asserting his independence so sleep is a fight.