Partner advice

Apologies in advance this is a long winded post… I’m currently 6 weeks pp and really starting to question my relationship with my partner. Currently we are renting and we are halving the bills equally, £500 each, however after paying rent and my own bills it’s leaving me with £90 a month for “myself” which by all means isn’t impossible to live on, however this isn’t for “myself” as such as whenever me and my partner go out I find myself paying for everything from coffee down to parking. The last couple of days I have found myself contemplating whether I can afford to by clothes that actually fit me, as my pre pregnancy clothes aren’t ever going to be able to fit me again and my maternity clothes are now too big. And yet my partner comes home with a new pair of running glasses ( if you’re into running you know that these glasses aren’t always cheap) or he’s just brought a new sunbed cream and he came home talking about a new pair of trainers he’s going to buy. However after being financially and mentally abused in my previous relationship I’m finding hard to initiate the conversation about it all because I don’t want it to result in an argument. On top of this he is the type of person who gets pissy if he doesn’t get a workout or run in, so because of this he comes home from work around 7pm after a 7:30am start snd 4:30pm finish and expects tea on the table and the house work done so he can go to bed because he’s tired… (he doesn’t get up during the night with baby and the last week he’s been sleeping in our spare room) Following on from this also we haven’t had sex since July last year, I have asked the question as to why and he said he didn’t feel comfortable while I was pregnant which is absolutely fine and I understand that, but even post pregnancy he hasn’t even asked the question as to when we can go back to having sex. And while I was pregnant I know it was being said as a joke but he kept calling me a whale or chubbers and even after having my baby he has been calling me chubbziller even after I’ve told him I don’t like it and makes me feel shit about myself, and is also making comments like did you want to do your makeup before we go out… I’m mentally exhausted as well as physically and I’ve told him this but nothing has seemed to have changed, if you’ve managed to get this far thank you for listening or reading my little rant🫠 any advice would be amazing 😩

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Girl if he is not even helping with baby you can do it alone, you could be happier alone. Everything you said is valid, don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings. You deserve better so demand it, ask for better treatment.

@Alexandra this is the thing I know I deserve better but I love him too much to step away but I don’t want to be that mum that makes her son grow up seeing what his dad doesn’t do and think it’s acceptable to act the same way with his partner in the future 😭

I feel for you having to go through this. It must be really difficult. You deserve someone who will make you feel better about yourself and to be a present parent. Think about it from another perspective. If this was your mum, what would you want her to do? Or your daughter? Maybe reach out to family and see if they can support you financially or emotionally or physically with the baby. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it gets easier. You’re doing an amazing job 💕

Hey, so first off I just want to start by saying you’re doing amazing❤️. I know and understand that having the conversation will be hard. And hearing people say ‘you just need to talk to him’. Feels like the most useless advice. However ultimately, that will possibly be the only way to resolve things. What helps me is writing my points down, with explanations of how or why I feel a certain way. And initiating the conversation asking to talk about some things that have been bothering you. Hopefully if he knows your past, he will listen and understand. However if at any point the conversation gets heated, end it there. But inform him of why and then try and revisit again in an hour or so when you both have had time to think and start again with a calming manner. Also loving your pp body is difficult, just try and remember how special your baby is to create a life and keep them safe for so long. Be proud of yourself mumma, it’s not easy but I promise it does get easier🤍

I think you need to think about yourself, your son and your future… it’s not easy especially as you have a baby with him but you need to prioritise your son and yourself!!! I don’t think it’s ok that he doesn’t support you financially - or contributing to things when you guys go out but yet buy himself stuff and also it’s not ok how he is talking to you!!! I know you love him and therefore you think differently but if you were to look at your relationship from the outside you would have different perspective and opinions

Unfortunately, you are already almost a single mother due to his inexcusable behaviour, one of them is financial abuse. The way he is acting is making sure that you wont have the ability to leave him, how could you if you barely barely have any cash left? Any decent man will not accept 50/50 especially if they earn more than you. Money aside, he is also unhelpful to you. This is not a relationship or a partnership. Cut your losses before he brings you down even more to a point where your self esteem is nil.

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