Ferber method

I found this online Your baby doesn't know how to be alone. They don't know how to calm themselves when all they want is the comfort of your arms and the sound of your heart. They don't know that they shouldn't wake up and need you four times at night because you have work at 8am. We often talk about mothers mental health.. but have we ever thought about the babies mental health? Babies have mental health needs too. They come into this world vulnerable and unable to regulate their physical and emotional states independently. They learn how to do this through interactions with their caregivers. Through sensitive and responsive care infants regulate and feel safe in their environment. So why are we trying so hard to train them when they aren't meant to be trained? Let's hear from the experts "Children cannot interpret intent. It does not take abuse or something severe for a child to be traumatized, it just takes the child's basic needs not being met." Dr. Gabor Maté

" Sleep techniques that employ prolonged crying to 'teach' an infant to sleep simply teach the infant that the mother will not respond as he or she expects. As a consequence, the infant cannot rely on the mother's care and for survival, and he or she must conserve energy, since the mother as a food source is now unpredictable. The infant, therefore, ceases to cry when crying fails to produce a response, and presents the appearance of sleep (shuts down activity). This leads parents to think they have successfully sleep trained their baby, while the baby is responding to the possibility it has been abandoned, and attempting to conserve energy to stay alive." - Dr. Helen Ball

It’s on Instagram page called moomysmilk

I don’t know much about the Ferber method as I’m not looking to use it, but if he is falling asleep, doesn’t it mean the training is working?

We did a kind of modified Ferber so we didn’t do the length of time between check ins ( mostly about 2-3 mins) but from my understanding as long as it’s a consistent routine when you go in it’s shouldn’t matter. We didn’t use a sunny as my LO just never took to one but she has a litttle muslin zebra she plays with and apparently the repetitive action of playing/sucking helps soothe them. Not sure if it’s defeating the point or not but think you just need to find something that comforts them so they know it’s sleep time so if the dummy helps then it’s probably worth building into the routine.

@Maria thank you for your input, but my baby actually spends most of the day crying at the moment before sleep training. I don’t think it’s healthy for him or his development. This is our last resort and it’s actually in his best interests because he is completely exhausted. Its not for night time, he sleeps okay at night and I’m happy to get up if he needs me. It’s about day time naps and trying to make him a happy baby. Yes mentally for me it is difficult, but I’m doing it for both of us. It’s not always as black and white as the mum not wanting to get up in the night. There’s plenty of research counterbalancing what you’ve said, and at the end of the day it’s personal choice and we shouldn’t judge people on their parenting choices. There’s a lot worse people out there than me. Thank you.

@Ana I feel like he will always cry until I go in and put the dummy back in? Which I don’t want him to do 😢

These are not my words.. I just found them online and posted incase they help you. I m not judging anyone and I know everyone is struggling and doing what’s best.

@Maria I know they’re not your words but you’ve copied at pasted complete bullshit from instagram to make someone feel like they’re harming their child when they’re just trying to help them sleep better with less stress. At least copy and paste some information from a research journal, that would be much more helpful. As someone who has successfully sleep trained their child using cry it out, that’s complete rubbish. He still cries when he needs me, I’ll always go to him and he wakes up with a big cheeky grin on his face. Doesn’t seem to be in any distress at all.

Hi! So… it really depends if you want to use the dummy or not. I’ve helped sleep train babies with their dummy, (but allowing them to have it in the beginning) or without their dummies. It really depends what sort of involvement you wish to have if your baby can’t replace the dummy himself. If he can’t, then you’ll have to do this for him, which is still a ‘sleep association’ that he will need your help with. Some parents prefer not to have to replace the dummy throughout the night (as that can be exhausting) so they decide to train without the dummy. So it’s really up to you and how you wish to go about it :) It can be successful still, especially if your baby is old enough to replace it himself, BUT it can cause lots of upset overnight though if he drops it and needs it replacing…

@Maria love Dr Gabor Mates work on childhood development

I started sleep training using the Ferber method a few days ago and I found the same my lo was crying and then falling to sleep after I went in and put her dummy in, but after a few days she wasn’t crying when I put her down anymore, she just went to sleep herself so I didn’t need to go back in and put her dummy in! So I don’t think it’s defeating the object because after a few days he should learn to self soothe if you leave him for longer periods each time before going back in with the dummy. Good luck with it, sleep training is hard work 😂

There are different forms of sleep training and techniques to achieve the same result. If you're not loving the "cry it out method," you don't have to follow it. Do what works for your child and you. If the pacifier is working and helping him stay calm and fall asleep, then continue using it. For me, I didn't like the cry it out method, and my LO is too young for it (2 months old). So I put her in her bassinet with her pacifier, and i sit on my bed and pat her tummy while shushing. I don't know how old your child is, but you can try some variation of that. Basically, you are in close proximity to them without picking them up or rocking them to sleep. And then slowly you decrease proximity. So, in my example, as my girl gets older, I will sit beside her without patting her and then i will move further and further away until eventually I'll get to the point where I can put her down and leave the room and she will sleep alone.