Testing to see if my husband is really sexually attracted to me. Am I wrong?

My husband and I have been together for about 2 years. We met in high school when we were teens and had crushes on each other and re-connected in our 30’s 2 years ago. We got married in Feb. of this year and had our baby in Aug. It seems like throughout our entire marriage I have been the one to initiate sex. In the beginning when we were dating it was fine bc I thought he was nervous but now it’s a constant battle. Everytime I bring up sex he says he’s, “too tired,” or “hurting too much.” Or other excuses. I honestly feel like the guy in the relationship. I have tried talking to him about it and when I do that night he’ll come on to me and we’ll have sex but then it’s like we are starting all over again with me initiating everytime until I “complain” and “breakdown” I have literally left him for a bit several times for lack of intimacy on his part and it’s like he doesn’t care. He keeps saying our sex life is fine. He even admitted that we don’t have that much sex. What bothers me the most is I’ve caught him looking at porn and masterbating in the bathroom when I’m clearly available and ready. Am I not satisfying his needs bc he sure as hell isn’t satisfying mine. When I say I’m testing him to see if he’s attracted to me sexually I’ve tried not mentioning sex or coming on to him for extended periods of time and he doesn’t care. It doesn’t phase him. What am I doing wrong? I am tired of living in a sexless marriage unless I initiate. I feel so unloved and unattractive. Plz help. What’s wrong with me? Is he not attracted to me? Was he ever? Did he settle? What can I do?

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I know it’ll be hard, but don’t make this about you! It’s him, he’s not doing his part. Even if in someway you were doing something that made him not want to have sex, he has an obligation to speak up and express hisself to you so that you both can work to a solution. Now for the hard part. He has shown you for the last two years who he is and it’s time for you to accept that. You have to decide with how it is if you’re okay with continuing it or if you want to leave. Give him a final ultimatum.

The bad part of all this is…he shows me he says why can’t I see he loves me bc he shows me all the time in other ways.

I agree with @Lashay

YOU settled. It’s him who is failing to meet your needs after all. This is why I say u can’t buy the car without driving it bc sometimes chemistry or compatibility aren’t enough. If he doesn’t prioritize your sex life and needs you have to speak up.. and it sounds as though you have. I would suggest a sex therapist. If he’s unwilling to budge he’s left you no other choice than to look elsewhere

Some men link sex with humiliation especially if he watches porn. When he is with someone he loves and respect he doesn't get excited about having sex with, it is not the same as he is not attracted to you. Sometimes they don't admit that because they don't understand why they are not interested in having sex with their partner and sometimes it is just hard to admit. Other than sex, is he good with you? Do you want to work with him and help overcome that if possible? If yes, then talk to him and tell him sex is off the table today, we need to discuss this issue. Maybe he can go to therapy.

Pornography and masturbation decrease his ability to connect. It has nothing to do with you. It is not your fault. There are support groups for women whose partners have this addiction. If he wants to change, he can choose to... It is not your responsibility. It has nothing to do with how you look, or approach him sexually. It has nothing to do with how much attention you give him, or how hard you try to get to know what he likes.

He still in boyhood;/ sad he doesn't make you feel like queen 👑 how his relationship with his mother? He still in searching for perfect femine. Talk to him. What's his need not met? Talk that you need to feel like queen. He needs to be the king. Not the boy.

Im going through the exactly same situation.. had a child in Aug too and I thought maybe he has been put off me because of the giving birth/ pregnancy but he is to busy watching porn in the toilet. This is a boy issue that they have not developed or grown out of when trying to becoming a man. Pornography is a very bad disease that men don't know is having a slow effect on their physical and mental well being and affecting the sex life with their partner and makes them less interactive to have sex. Read this link it is useful https://stepbysteprecovery.co.uk/common-signs-of-porn-addiction/

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