Anyone ever feel like you’re in the twilight zone with your marriage?

Sometimes I feel like life just isn’t real! I am miserable more than happy. We used to be happy. We used to love each other. I read things here and in other mom groups about how their spouses treat them and I feel horrible for even feeling the way I do because it’s not even that bad. There’s no cheating, no DV, no gender roles. We just don’t know how to communicate at all. Like tonight for example…I got home from a long day of work, I’m also a full time student and have an exam tomorrow. I simply say “you good with me doing some work before the kids go to bed so I’m not up all night?” He went on a whole spiral with a tone about how I’m not going to get things done because the kids will just want me and won’t leave me alone. Like I didn’t ask about that. Let me worry about my level of focus with the kids around. Just occupy them. That’s all I ask. But no. Now I’m the bad guy for getting annoyed. I’ve been giving the silent treatment for the last hour because wtf. Like I don’t need this stress before a major exam. If I fail it, I’m screwed. It’s nursing school. You can’t just fail exams. Then if I bring up his “tone” he denies it. Like neither of us even hear the way we speak to each other. Do I need to start recording it for him to hear it? I know other women have it way worse. I also know that doesn’t discredit how I feel but I’m just so unhappy. I don’t know what to do about it or what I even can do. There’s way more to all of it but I’ll be typing for hours and no one has that kind of attention span. 🥴

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Hey mama!! I feel you nd hear you sis. Maybe your a bit stressed out because the pressure of passing this exam so your not in the mood to hear him nag. Hope tomorrow goes alright and remember not to worry tooo much everything has There's always a solution to a problem. Try spend more quality time together and try be sweet to each other it's hard but relationships hard and requires work every day.

Everything has its own way!**

The “just occupy” them is crazy. And his spiral is wild too cause you’re not a babysitter. You’re their father. I had to remind my husband of that numerous times. Had to even change my tone a bit. No yelling, just stern. Like we’re a team. I’m asking you for help more than once and that’s making me go more insane than just juggling everything on my own. I told him, i shouldn’t have to ask for help. You should automatically want to help me and you don’t. Over the course of our marriage we’ve had a ton of conversations and that’s all it really takes. I had to word what i needed from him in a way that he could understand. Men and women think and act differently. The tone part, if you keep your voice low enough for him to hear and calm , that might help him realize. Recording helps to but the party we point our fingers at will typically find something to contradict our evidence. Just be weary but keep trying to get your points across.

Men take time to realise and learn but they get there at the end 🙄

Hope it went well with your exam! Think I've thing at a time. You don't need to fix your marriage and figure it all out on your own. And maybe typing out all ur feelings isnt a bad thing. Journaling can really help. I recommend marriage counseling. It can help u both communicate better and can be very helpful. Even once a month can be beneficial cuz i kno ur busy with nursing school

@Tanya thank you. It did go well. I passed it and I’m proud of the work I did. I’m still struggling a lot with juggling. Like right now…it’s almost Thanksgiving (which we are hosting) I’m having issues at work, I still have school, the kids are off for the week, it’s chaos and my husband suddenly get a gout flair up and is incapacitated. This may sound insensitive however…our whole relationship, if I got sick or if things got too crazy he would “get a gout flair up” or his sick was instantly worse than my sick or he would have some kind of ailment right after me. Coincidence?? Maybe, but doubtful. There always was and always will be an excuse. And I’ll always be the skeptical a**hole that gets annoyed.

@Lauren i can relate to how your feeling all too well. Lol my husband kinda does that too. Maybe it's like a psychological subconscious thing. I remember i stayed quiet everyone he talked about his symptoms cuz a last of me didn't believe him and he told me "i feel like you dont believe me" and i just laughed and Said " I'm so sorry but i think ur okay. You seem fine" and then later he told me that he went through a whole sickness alone cuz i didn't think it was real lol. It can be annoying but your not a jerk for thinking that because I'm sure we're not the only ones. For all the chaos, Write things down!!! That helps me get all the "i have to.... And i also have to ...." Thoughts or in paper and they don't linger in my head anymore. Then i just make s list of realistic goals for the day and prioritize what needs to be done today vs. what can wait till tmrw. It is the list ask him if there's anything in the list he can help with.

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