How can I stop crying wolf 😰

Read personal growth books, they teach you how to control your emotions and get out of that negative state of mind and always blaming others and anxiety for how you feel.

That’s not crying wolf, you have PTSD, the best thing would be therapy

@Mary Ann yeah. It is. Before my anxiety was really about my ex. Was he going to be nice this time or a dick? Was he going to treat me well or cancel on me last minute ? Was he going to put me down or build me up? A real narcissist. I’m mad at myself for staying with him so long. It was a really weak thing for me to do. Especially if you know me, I typically don’t take shit from anyone. I’m really opinionated and headstrong. But there I just really effed up and in the processed allowed myself to get effed up. My husband is just reacting the way I probably would / do to people who complain about things that aren’t real. Who are privileged, safe, have money etc and who still find silly things to complain about. So I get where he’s coming from 100%. I’m not easy. And this side of me is a complete and utter contradiction of who I am and what I actually think yet it rules such a huge part of my life. What a shame.

Does your hubby really understand what you're going through or it's just a case of yeah yeah I get it since you kinda explained to him. My guess is he doesn't understand it. I would suggest go to doctor appointments with him and encourage him to ask questions as well and have your doc explain things so he hears it's not just whinging from you but real fears that are justified. Also ho to therapy together. Aim is for him to understand what exactly you are going through and to get tips on how to handle everything because if he's never had it he won't get it. W re to your baby fears, it's perfectly normal. Dw about it. Express your fears to your medical team as much as you want and feel like you need. They are there to help. Don't ignore anything even if it's on repeat. It is a little extra but still justified. I highly suggest you find the right fit for the help you need in specific because ideally you wanna be able to handle it better once bub is here so you don't transfer it to them. Xx

@Lav my doc doesn’t let partners come. Also I don’t want him to tbh. I’m acknowledging I know I’m over the top. Making my husband come out to my appts or go to therapy feels like doubling down and giving even more weight to my anxiety. I don’t want to keep putting it on a pedestal, I just want it to fck right off. I know it’s not real. I think yes he’s a bit yeah yeah but he’s really a kind man and I feel bad I’m bringing this negativity based on nothingness to our relationship. I think I need therapy for sure and I’m going to contact someone who has experience with pre and post natal women. I haven’t been in some time and though it pains me to go because it makes me feel so inadequate, I guess I don’t have a choice. I’m laying in bed right now so angry with myself that I’m crippling my life with fears based on absolutely nothing. I box myself in. Sometimes I even become a bit of a recluse for fear of making plans, going out and having a panic attack. It’s so stupid.

@Lav 99% of the time when I go out, I’m fine. I may have a twinge of panic but I’m distracted and enjoying myself and it does pass. Yet the build of the days prior to the outing are filled with anxiety of what if I panic when I’m out. How ridiculous. The anticipation ruins my life. The what ifs are ruining my life. I fear for my kid but I am so committed to not transferring this to them. That’s out of the question.

Couples therapy is a hell of a drug, my friend

@Kimberly Dana I can’t tell if you’re being positive or negative 😅. My ex made me go with him. By session 6 the therapist asked us politely if it’d be alright for him to continue working just with my ex alone as basically he highlighted the issues were my Ex’s disgusting narcissism. I’m not against it I just think this problem is mine. My husband is always there for me and willing to talk. On the flip I doubt he’d wanna go to couples therapy. I don’t blame him though. Can be bullshit.

Then get a mediator who can communicate between the 2 of you and or get a couple's therapy. Trust me he started off being loving and kind and understanding to you because he loves you ... however he never did and still doesn't understand nor really that invested in really understanding it because now he is showing his impatience... which is understandable tbh. However if you don't reign him back in probably with therapy which is easiest OR have a patient loving convo which he will just say ok OK but really yeah yeah ... you won't go anywhere. Y'all will be stuck. You're beating yourself down for something that is natural and you can get help for yourself and your family. Consider couple's therapy dear. He may be the best man out here but if he doesn't understand what youre going through he's of no help to you. Just more stress tbh. All the best. Xx

I'm offering advice. You both need therapy separately and as a couple. You're not crying wolf, you have PTSD. Your husband needs an impartial third party to talk to so he can better understand you. My husband gets frustrated with my PTSD and other issues. He used to snap at me. Then he went to therapy and it's amazing what a professional can do when they sit down and explain things in terms he'll understand. It's nice that your husband is there for you, but who's there for him? He obviously needs someone that isn't you.

@Kimberly Dana that’s true. He doesn’t have anyone. He’s never really had anyone. I come from a supportive family he doesn’t. I’ll think about it. I don’t think you’re wrong. I think I’ll have a hard time getting him on board to go for therapy. I just can’t see him doing it. Unless we were really on the brink of a split,.. which we’re definitely not. That being said, some professionals also are not impartial. I’ve done therapy for many years and seen several therapists and docs. … they do come with biased opinions. That’s why, his reservations about therapy aside, I feel like I’m better off going to therapy myself and translating techniques to my relationship.. I’ve definitely been able to diffuse arguments that way or encourage better communication. He’s quite introverted and when it’s tense he gets a bit in his shell. Anyway. Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. I so appreciate everyone’s input. Myself I’m just very upset because I’ve been in therapy & still not cured.

Anxiety can be very frustrating for the person that has it and for the people around them who can’t truly understand it if they don’t have it themselves. But it’s also super common. There is no shame in going to therapy to address your anxiety, PTSD, etc. And everyone manages their anxiety in different ways - through therapy, exercise, reading, medication - there is no one-size-fits-all cure for it (I wish!) but whatever you need to do to manage that (up to and including anti-anxiety medication if your doctor thinks that’s appropriate) is perfectly okay and no reason to be ashamed!! None of us choose to have anxiety and none of us choose the way it manifests and affects us. But we can choose to pursue the tools and resources that help us control it. You aren’t weak for getting help, talking about it, etc. Your husband sounds like a good man. It’s just really hard for people without anxiety to understand that when you’re in the throes of it, your common sense and…

… and your critical thinking go out the window. It’s also definitely frustrating for him if you keep bringing up the same thing (“why did you say that to me like that?”) over and over and over again, especially if you’ve already addressed it properly. I think you would both benefit from him either talking to someone or learning independently about anxiety and how it affects those that have it and therapy would really help you keep that demon at bay. It’s tough - I know! I feel for you. But being stressed and anxious all the time is also bad for your sweet little baby (now and after they’re born) - so pursuing something to get you into a more steady mental state is really really important! Chin up mama, you got this 💪🏻

It's hard to expect him to help you when you don't know how to help yourself. You're anxiety is very likely to get worse when the baby arrives so I highly suggest therapy. In sure it sucked to hear but it's actually pretty great that he was able to be honest with you about how he was feeling - that he doesn't know when you're being anxious vs there being a real concern. If he jumps every time you tell him to, either he'll get burnt out (which he basically said he is) or it'll create the same anxiety problem in him. Seek therapy and tell him what he can do to help you calm down and put your mind at ease in those moments. It's not right to expect him to go as far as taking you to the hospital when there is no real need. It's causing stress on him and you plus the financial stress of each hospital bill

@Sarah oh I have only gone once. After 12 hours of Braxton hicks that my doctor didn’t tell me about and I started lactating lol. So I felt it warranted to go get checked. I’m not really one to go for nothing. Everything you said is true. It’s funny because I’m actually very level headed myself so I understand and agree with everyone’s points about the reality of it. Yet when I’m anxious it’s all consuming. I almost wish I was more irrational a person then the anxiety would maybe fit my personality more or something. I do think therapy is right. I’m not against meds. But I can’t because I’m pregnant now and I had to stop the anxiety ones and lower the small amount of Zoloft I was taking. Anyway. Thank you for you msg. I feel extremely polarized by my own sense of practicality and logic that fights this anxiety I know is not real but when in it it feels so real. My husband is even more logical and never anxious unless for a normal reason like.. I don’t know… an interview or something

I totally understand the anxiety conflicting with the ration mind! It's awful to feel so anxious and worried when you logically know there is no reason to be so worked up. I was on Zoloft for years, including during my pregnancy! It absolutely helps quiet those anxieties but the therapy is the only thing that's going to answer the question of what's going on in your subconscious to cause all of it. Feel free to message me when you're having those moments and want to give your husband or mom a little break 😋 I'd be happy to be a listening ear or a distraction

@Sarah that’s actually so incredibly kind of you to offer. That’s why I post here too. I figure if I get it off my chest and writing is a distraction as are reading the replies