Mother in law taking over.

I’d say you definitely need to talk to your partner about this, what does he think about it? That’s overstepping the mark and you need to set some very firm boundaries or the behaviour is just going to continue. There’s definitely ways to go about speaking to her about it, she’s had her turn to raise her babies and now it’s your turn and you have the right to do things how you see fit! I would speak to your partner and get him on your side and maybe have him set the boundaries to take the heat off of you. You guys are a team and postpartum is hard enough without the added stress of people disrespecting how you are parenting. If she continues with the dummy for example I would just calmly go over and take him and say, he doesn’t want the dummy and I’d like you to stop please. I understand that you have lots of experience from raising your own children but he is my baby and this is not how I want things to be done. If you can’t respect that then I think we’re going to have to limit…

How much we see you until you can respect this. When I feel like I’d like some advice or your opinion, I will ask you for it but until then you need to let me parent my child. Good luck! It must be a really awful situation but you know your babe best 🩷

I have similar with my MIL but my boy is a velcro baby and breastfeeding so she's not had as much opportunity to do things like walk away with him or feed him etc. But we had a bit of a blow up when she kept telling us what was 'wrong' with him and that he shouldn't be crying ever and it upsets her when he cries (as if we enjoy it!???). My partner called her and said he's worried about their relationship because the way she's acting is disrespecting our parenting style and choices and it's suggesting we're neglectful parents when we couldn't be further from it. He said she needs to respect our boundaries and not give advice we haven't asked for. We'll see if it works, but it needed saying

We don’t have as much as the physical side of things but definitely the verbal/mental side and I find it so hard! I mention it to my partner but he’s had a lifetime of dealing with her so he just goes along with it and doesn’t defend us. She constantly tries to tell us how to do things, or gives sly backhanded comments. Even on little things like telling me I should tie my hair back so my little one can’t grab it and I’m like “honestly, I can deal with it. If it becomes a problem, I know how to tie my hair up thanks”. Last weekend she said “she won’t like being put on grass, none of the babies I looked after liked it” (she was a childminder). Proved her wrong cause my baby loved feeling the grass! I’ve started to back chat with her on recurring issues. It’s just new ones I don’t know how to handle. You’ll will likely get stronger over time. You don’t even need to say no or stop, just argue back in a clever and polite way as she’ll be shocked

Thanks ladies, for the advice and support. I think I am going to try shutting her down the gentle way first, answering back to her little comments( in a polite way🤞) and taking charge of MY baby. If that doesn’t work then it’ll have to be a more direct way of setting the boundaries. When my husband is with us he will just get up and tell her he wants his child back now and takes him, he also stops her when she is frustration him (he gets quite irritated with her too in that regard). However, he is also used to her and tunes her out a lot of the time, so he doesn’t even notice half of what she says. I have told him though and he has said he will pay more attention and challenge her when he hears funny comments in the future as he doesn’t want to go fight her based on old comments that he will have to tell her I told him she said, and make a big drama between us two. He’d rather he hears it and sorts it out then and there, which I think is better.

To the other ladies in the same or similar situation, I wish you luck and hope things get worked out 💪 let’s stay strong xx

Nothing really to add as the advice has been great but wanted to ask @Lorren, you mention your partner goes along with your MIL and doesn’t defend you. I understand he’s had a lifetime of it but does he really want his LO to also “have a lifetime of it”? Now is the time to not go along with it; have your LO be the motivation to stand up to his Mum. Maybe this would improve his relationship with his Mum and his LO’s relationship with his grandmother.

Actually I do have something to add, standing up to your MILs also sets a great example for your LOs. They grow up to either not witness the toxicity (even if we think we’re hiding it, kids pick up more than we know) or to understand how it’s not okay to talk to Mum/ Dad this way; how it’s not okay to be spoken to a certain way even by grandma. As Mums we’re our LOs’ role models and we teach them how to stand up for themselves.

Oh and lastly you’re not being “a little over sensitive”. Your feelings are valid and I hope no one is dismissing them because you’re “tired” or “sensitive”, or my favourite “hormonal”!! Best of luck getting through to your MIL.

@Evonne honestly, it’s so difficult. He’s stood up to her several times and it just makes everything 10x more difficult. Think the deciding factor as to why he puts up with it is that he runs the family garage and she keeps threatening to close it whenever he sticks up for us. If they did that, he’d be out of a job (a very niche one at that) with next to no qualifications or experience to easily find something else and it pays him very well. So it’s the lesser of two evils right now whilst I’m on maternity leave especially.

@Lorren that’s terrible and so manipulative on her part! Can you imagine as a Mum doing that to your LO? And she gives advice on how to be a Mum!? She may not like the confrontation but she should be proud of her son for sticking up for his family. So sad that she’d rather threaten him. Maybe he should look for another job on the quiet then she can’t threaten him with that anymore. I hope you and your partner find a way to be out her control.

@Evonne I know! I’ve always said it from the start. It’s quite brutal how she does it sometimes too. Makes me feel like all our family decisions come from her someway or another but luckily they don’t. She doesn’t like it but tough 🤣. He has had a long on the side, but nowhere offers the same pay and hours for his skill set. We’re just pushing for him to take over the business entirely eventually. 🤞