Feeling pressured to let people kiss my daughter
Show your support
Ugh I’m in a similar boat. Friends and family of my partner all want to kiss the baby, mine understand that you shouldn’t and they don’t. I think in my case it’s a cultural thing, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to kiss a friends baby?! But for them it’s so normal. Thankfully we don’t see my in laws that often and they have been respectful so I can’t imagine how stressed you must feel! but they keep asking WHEN can they kiss the baby and I don’t know what to say.
@Amy I don’t live near any of my family but when they visit they respect my wishes for them not to kiss her. Also my mum had a brain tumour and had multiple operations and my sister basically said if someone who had major brain surgery and they now struggle to understand things but they can follow that one simple rules then everyone else should be too! I wish I had constantly said it to them while I was pregnant but some of them are just so selfish that they do what they want. One of my boyfriend friends parents came to see the baby ( first time I had ever met them I’ve been with my bf 4 years) and the mum just kissed my daughter I found it so strange and she pissed me off so much as she was a stranger to me
@Michelle I have been told that in-laws can cause problems when a baby arrives. I’ve had to call my health visitor about this because I just get so anxious that it makes me not want them to come near her but then his dad only makes effort when he wants to. I am dreading the day that people just keep kissing her
It’s such a difficult situation I wish I had advice but am actually looking for ideas on how to deal with it too! I’ve said his parents can kiss the top of his head now (didn’t allow that very early on) if they absolutely insist, just to have some sort of compromise even if I don’t like thay either, but they want to kiss his face! Like why 🫠 and my partner is just not very helpful he says he feels like he can’t say anything. I just tell my side of friends and fam please don’t kiss him and they say no of course. How hard can it be 😭
@Michelle I be got ppd and then because of this anxiety now so I’m on medication and I’m not the closest with my bfs dad or his partner but we hoped that telling them this would stop them kissing her but that didn’t listen. My sister said that I need to say to them if you continue to kiss her you can’t have one on one time with her. Like it’s mean but she said they need to learn if they don’t listen and respect my wishes
Gosh why do people feel the need to kiss someone else’s baby?! I just don’t get it!! my SIL and BIL (SIL is a nurse btw) both asked their daughter (2) on separate occasions if she wanted to kiss her new cousin?! I get it, she’s trying to be nice and thankfully she didn’t want to, but why encourage it? My MIL kissed him on the head and I had to playfully remind her when wiping his head ‘let’s remind Nanny that we don’t kiss the baby’. Seems to have worked slightly… regardless I just don’t understand why they want to do it! Or insist on it so much. X
I would just say, we made it clear at the start, if you cannot respect that you lose the right to see my daughter, it happened to me with my FIL, he did it right in front of me and didn’t even ask, I was honestly so shocked it was like a delayed reaction! I don’t get why people want to kiss babies, especially babies that aren’t theirs! I even struggled at the start to kiss my own as I was so so worried about him getting ill! & he did (not from me) but he got broncholitis and ended up in an ambulance xx
I’d be going to 100 if I kept getting ignored. The reason is for your babies safety so don’t feel shy about people thinking you’ve changed your mind.
@Sophie no one had ever asked before they just do it. They are all slightly older like 60/70 so I’ve been told it’s a generational problem thing. My bfs dad’s partner is very selfish and does whatever she wants, she never made any effort with me before I got pregnant.
@Aimi it really is frustrating and it affects my mental health. One night I literally couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about people kissing her. My bf was like I’m not having this if it’s affecting you so much that you can’t sleep I’m going to have to have some hard conversations with people but that still didn’t work
@Liv I’m pretty sure I didn’t kiss mine for a week or so when she was first born as I was just so worried. Even to this date I haven’t kissed her on the lips on the cheek or head. It honestly baffles me how people see a baby and do whatever they want
@Katie if they’re not going to respect you especially given the fact it’s causing you not to sleep I’d probably be removing her from these people until it is safer
Ugh how stressful!!! 😩 Listen, stick to your guns. Your baby is more important than any awkward situation so just remind yourself that you’re choosing your baby each time you have to tell someone not to kiss her. When someone kisses her and says ‘oops sorry’ have something ready to reply with, it doesn’t have to be confrontational but it does have to be clear…. Maybe something like: ‘I know it seems like the most natural reaction when you see her little face, you want to just kiss it don’t you! So cute! But there is a reason there is so much advice and guidance about not kissing babies, it’s honestly terrifying if you do the research… I’m just making sure she is safe. At the moment, the most up to date advice is only mum/dad should kiss the baby. I’m going to stick with that for now.’ There is no person or situation that’s going to trump you protecting your child, so be confident and be prepared for people to know you’re putting the baby first !
Omg don't I feel your pain, my family respects my wishes and doesn't pester about kissing her, but my boyfriends family gets on my nerves. His dad, step mum, auntie, and grandma have all kissed her numerous times. He has told his grandma but thats it, and she still does it and then say oh i must not kiss the baby...🤦♀️Then his mum hasn't, but she's on at me now when can I kiss her, I know I've kissed her hand, but that's it. Like control yourself, it's not that hard. I originally said 3 months, but now I wish I had said longer.
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Trusted by 5M+ women
Honestly, we have a rule no kissing period until her 1 year vaccinations, and fully plan on cutting contact/limiting visits with those who simply refuse to follow the rules. first time offenders or not, it should never be that difficult to not give your germs to a baby!
My mom knew the boundary and broke it infront of me twice in the same sitting. Both times I reprimanded her. I reminded her that at less than three months old babies are severely compromised to anything not from the parents and that it doesn’t matter that she was at delivery because she could easily be sick and not know since she herself is immunocompromised so it’s even more likely for her to make my child sick. After being reprimanded verbally each time it occurred (twice) she no longer attempts to physically kiss her. I set my boundary and stayed loud when it was broken. Don’t be afraid to protect your child. At 5 months old they aren’t nearly as likely to become ill from a kiss but I would be very wary if they’ve ever had a cold sore since herpes is so easily transmitted (oral heroes is cold sores). Be the big mama bear and don’t stay quiet when a boundary is broken. Family continues to brake boundaries when allowed to do so without repercussions.
It's so WEIRD, what's everyone's obsession with kissing babies!??? When it's your own baby that's fine but I don't kiss my friends or siblings or parents etc, why because it's a baby would I suddenly be so desperate to kiss it!? I really find the whole thing so strange
The only advice I can give is keep being firm. I was very much no kisses until he has had at least his first set of jabs for immediate family (we live 2 hours away) from either set of parents and then friends can give him a kiss at 3 months but that was just my comfort level. I think you don't have to be confrontational about it but just be firm and say "if you keep refusing to respect my boundaries when I am the mother then we will not see you until you do" easier said than done I know and it made me feel sick with stress for while especially in relation to my in laws and their dog (that was a whole other thing) but it did eventually pay off. Sending you lots of love!
@Rosie it’s so hard because I get that people want to kiss her but it’s the only thing that we have asked people not to do. All my friends understand to not kiss her and so do my family. It’s just my boyfriend’s dad and his partner. But then the partner she will always put her face very close to my daughter and I think she sneakily kisses her while she does it. She just does what she wants and it’s really stressful
@Katie that sounds super stressful but also SO rude of them. I think if they do it again maybe ask them why they're incapable of respecting the only rule you have set when everyone else has? And say it in just as disappointed tone as possible because frankly if everyone else can respect the rule so can they. I'm so annoyed for you lovely! And also so annoyed for your boyfriend too as that must be so irritating. If they refuse then just stop seeing them until they can behave themselves and not be morons!
@Rosie well the annoying thing is that they never come to visit us we always have to go to them and with a baby and everything else we have to take it’s a hassle. His dad came down to us yesterday but his partner didn’t come because she was making dinner eventhough she wants to see our daughter. It’s just frustrating that they live a 10 minute drive from us but want us to always go to them and make all the effort. His dad also got annoyed when I said our daughter was going to nursery 2xs a week when I return to work so they will only have her one day
Oh they sound like a complete nightmare and incredibly high maintenance! I would stop going, they're adults to and 10 minutes is no distance at all!
This sounds super stressful to have the people you are relying on and close to disregarding your wishes. I don’t understand why people feel they have the right to do that when you have expressly asked not too I also will be honest and say I genuinely don’t understand the need to kiss other people babies! Like why is it such a thing for them. I will be putting a similar rule in place so we’ll see what happens!