Surgical TFMR decision
Show your support
Thanks for your reply Emma. I reckon my boyfriend will be the same after it’s happened as he’s been the more logical one throughout this whole process.
Firstly, sorry to hear that you’re having to go through this. I had a similar situation in April. As Emma said, you absolutely just do everything you can to keep going. We prepared so much for our baby girl’s delivery and did lots of things together to keep each other going. Talking about her and going for walks has helped me the most. Feel free to message me if you would like to chat more. You are not alone 🩷
I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position. I feel connected to your story because I named my baby Hope ❤️ ..I opted for a surgical procedure and I had a very quick and easy physical recovery. I think Day 2-3 after (when the hormone crash kicks in) were probably the toughest days emotionally. There have been more challenges since, especially as life started to move on for the people around me, but I felt very ‘stuck’ in the same place. If you haven’t found them already, please check out the charity Arc, they are amazing! And there is a brilliant podcast called Time to talk: TFMR. I found listening to episodes around the time of the surgery very comforting. My partner isn’t much of a communicator either. It has been challenging to support him as he hasn’t expressed how. At times I felt like I was talking about it all too much, even now if I bring things up, but I would say that going through this experience has brought us closer together and made us feel more connected…
…my advice would be to take as much time as you need, whether that is making any decisions, going back to work, entering social engagements again etc. This is 100% the time that you have to put yourself first. Sorry that was SO long! 🙈 Always happy to chat so feel free to message me if you want to talk x
Thank you so much for your messages @LMK & @Hannah ❤️
Sorry for your loss. Our daughter had a similar heart problem. But we didn’t go via the surgical route. My partner and I did Lots and lots of crying. We had a toddler which gave us focus but we spent time making things to remember her by. We planted a tree and made a bench for the garden. We had to register her birth and death and had a funeral. So as my partner is a joiner we made her coffin together. That may have helped. But we did get lost and had our own different paths emotionally, but you do come back together eventually. We spoke to the hospital’s maternity councilor and bereavement officer which said that would happen. I think it’s mostly time and distractions that helps though. Feel free to message if wanted, take care.
You’re so welcome. It can be a lonely journey so I’m glad to have been some help. Here if you need a chat 🩷
You just do what has to be done really. As you say, she's not likely to survive this, I just tried to focus on being able to try again. As for my partner, he was reluctant to terminate at first, but once the decision was made, he came to terms with it quicker than I did!