Do you let your partner touch you while you're sleeping?

Red flag is him not respecting your boundary. Not you telling him to stop 😮‍💨I would not like it mostly bc my sleep is valuable and I’d be pissed if he messed with that right now. But regardless of how he feels about it, if you’re uncomfortable, he needs to respect that.

I don’t like it because of personal reasons, but I do know that people do “enjoy” being woken up like this and what not. However, if you DONT like being woken up like that and you’ve made that very clear that it’s not something that you’re okay with/doesn’t please you then he’s doing it for his own benefit. If he wants to be woken up w sexual favors fine but him not respecting your wishes is very concerning and inappropriate. Idgaf if he thinks it’s normal, what’s NOT normal is being told no and continuing the behavior anyway.

he’s a red flag for doing that

I'm personally fine with it as is my husband

he’s actually sick

What he is doing is basically SA tbh.. Abusing his title as a husband, abusing your trust in him as your husband to get away with it. Also, I said no to the poll, but what I really meant is, my husband has never done this, or even occurred to him to try cause he isn't interested in making me uncomfortable. I hope he stops.

Soooo yeah not respecting your boundaries and not asking for your consent is a massive red flag!! That’s disgusting behaviour and you can remind him that it’s the same kind of behaviour that leads to rape 🙃🙃

I find it violating honestly

This would be classed as him abusing you, and then he’s manipulating/gaslighting you by saying you are the red flag.

I had an ex that would do this, I would wake up to him having sex with me. When I called him out, I said its pretty much rape, he got annoyed and said no it's not & I ought to be careful throwing terms like that about but where was my consent? He thought the fact I allowed him in the bed at my place, that was a go ahead sign. Wtf. Some people need educating. And like I said, an ex. My current partner would never do this because we've discussed it & its crossing a boundary to me x

I personally love being touched any time of day or night and most of the time, if I'm not really tired, I'll happily take it to the next step even in the middle of the night🥰 I feel like in an established relationship this shouldn't be a problem unless you voice it. Which you did. And it honestly makes me angry for you that he isn't listening and is trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't be okay with!? He should listen to you. Only you get to decide what you're okay with, and it doesn't matter if anyone else would like that or not. The fact he said it's a red flag??? Incredibly manipulative, and him saying that is a red flag. It's also got me triggered because there are multiple reasons why you might not want to be touched and he as a loving husband is supposed to care about your comfort first!!! 😤

Yes I love this but I dooooont like being woken usually. It's a fine line for me. BUT it's totally OK and valid to not be into it at all!

if he’s touching you sexually when you voiced that you don’t like it and he’s doing it anyway despite you saying no that’s assault

I wish my partner would do this 😒😅 it’s the opposite for me & he just tells me he’s tired and I back off. If I continue he gets upset… so I get it. I think he should respect it.

I would hate this. Sleep time is for sleeping! It’s not a red flag that you don’t like it, it’s a red flag that he doesn’t respect your request to stop.

My husband legitimately just asked me a question about this kind of stuff the other day. Moreover phrased as “if a couple is married, and the husband comes home wanting sex, but the wife is too tired and says no, is it okay for him to just do the deed and have sex with her while she lays there”. I told him NO. You still need consent, married or not. Apparently this was flabbergasting to him that I felt that way.

Yes I do let but we hug to sleep and I’m comfortable and I actually like “sleepy sex” and many times I sleep w my hands down his pants. However this is not all women. If you don’t like it and you’ve voiced to him that you don’t and he keeps pushing it then that’s wrong he should try to understand and not push your boundaries. Regardless of if it’s “normal” or not.

@Jess it isn't "pretty much rape", it IS rape. If you're not able to consent to it before it's already happening, it isn't right. This is exactly how my ex husband raped me and then he gaslit me, saying that because my body responded positively that it was consensual, I think his exact phrase was "implied consent". Bull. Shit. I likened it once to being tickled - when tickled, you laugh, but most of the time people hate being tickled. So why is our reaction something "positive"? Just because my vajay-jay liked it doesn't mean that I wanted you to do it. But now he's my ex husband because of this (and many other reasons).

No. Leave me the f alone 😂 I need sleep more than sex, especially at 24 weeks pregnant! Tell him to go touch himself or f himself.

Nop. Rapist behavior. Huge red flag

It depends for me I’m okay getting woken up to touchy feely stuff but the moment I’m not okay with it (usually because mom life took over and I passed out before showering) he stops instantly. This is what you man should do…if you expressed to him like you already do then he is the red flag because he won’t stop.

That screams sexual assaults to me tbh

It’s a red flag that’s he’s touching you whilst sleeping when youve made it clear you don’t like it! Creep vibes

Actually what we do doesn’t matter because if it makes you uncomfortable then he’s molesting you in your sleep and it’s completely inappropriate and upsetting that he’s not taking no for an answer. This would be a deal breaker for me. I had a boyfriend have sex with me while I was all the way asleep once. He undressed me had sex with me and dressed me back. Told me about it later in the day. For context about a decade ago I used to take Xanax and I would sleep very hard. When I found out I told him it was rape. It was rape. And we broke up shortly afterwards. If you really want an answer to the question I wouldn’t mind a little snuggle and grope if I roll over and nuzzle in or something but no I wouldn’t want to be constantly going through this because I need my sleep. Either snuggle me or roll over dude but groping my breasts while I’m asleep or trying to initiate sex while I’m asleep all the time, no.

if you ask someone to stop doing something to your body, married or not continuing is sexual assault. please don’t let him convince you that you are wrong for not being okay with this! it’s absolutely physical abuse, and he is using emotional abuse to try and keep you. nobody deserves to be treated that way. he isn’t entitled to your body. abuse typically escalates, it doesn’t normally get better. i would leave as soon as you feel you can. people like this will use what they know will hurt you. you have children so that is probably what he will go for if you try to leave. please have the conversation you have been having with him over text messages and collect proof for your own sake. then you can leave with evidence that he has these tendencies. no matter who you are, you don’t deserve to be abused. there are many men out there who would never even consider the actions he is justifying ❤️

@Jenny eww that’s so wrong! Pretending to be asleep when you wake up?! Oh my goodness does he only want to if you’re unconscious!!

I don’t mind it, but if you do and have voiced that you do, then it’s not okay. End of.

He can touch and grab and do whatever as long as he doesn't wake me 😂 if I wake and want him, I will 100% do it to him tho but he loves it. I do not. I do not like being woken at all, has little to do with the sexual aspect tbh!! He learned quickly 😅

More important than if other women like this or not, you've told him no, he's continued to do it. He is blatantly violating your boundaries. This is the definition of sexual abuse. You deserve your boundaries to be respected.

If the person being touched is OK with it, then it is OK...if not, it isn't OK!! Feeling each way about it is fine, but overstepping boundaries is not! X

Its a red flag that your husband continues to touch you while you’re sleeping after youve expressed to him that you are not comfortable with it

I feel I should mention that this doesn't happen while cuddling in bed. Our daughter sleeps in between us. He walks around to my side of the bed and grabs my boobs or uncovers my butt to touch it, and that is usually what wakes me up. I don't get enough sleep, so being woken up is incredibly upsetting to me, and it feels so violating when he does this after I continue to tell him how upset and even angry it makes me. He doesn't do it to please me at all. If I was in a relationship I felt happy and safe in, I would be okay with some caressing during cuddles, but he is abusive to me in every single way, and I'm trying to leave.

I’m so sorry. I’m here if you ever want to message or need to vent. I can’t imagine. I would definitely be pissed if he woke me up. With my child right there it would be a whole separate issue. You got out of bed to do it knowing I hate it-you’re trying to make me angry and disrespect me. This sounds really toxic. I’m sending prayers! I hope you find a safe way to leave for your sake and your daughters.