I need positive thoughts.

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and have not felt more alone than I do right now. Everything was going very well until I hit 29 weeks. The day of my birthday my mother this some pretty nasty stuff behind my whole family’s back and instead of apologizing or even taking accountability, she started blaming everyone and acting like she didn’t do anything. My mother and I have never had a good relationship, we always argued and honestly she has always disrespected me and my boundaries but because I always just wanted a good relationship with her and I needed her , I always forgave everything she did to me. This time though, she disrespected me to the point that I finally spoke back, long story short she told me I’m no longer her daughter and to be quite honest I’m okay with that but at the end of the day it still really hurts. She didn’t come to my baby shower and even stressed me out to the point that I had to go to the hospital at 30 weeks but all she said was that I wanted attention. I have been trying to really focus on my baby and me but this really hurts. I really wanted my mom by my side. That’s not all of it, my partner and I have been clashing almost everyday. He has honestly been someone I don’t recognize anymore and I have never felt so mentally checked out in the whole relationship(7yrs) I’m no completely sure if it’s the hormones or if it’s actually me just being done. The past weeks I have not been wanting to do anything intimate, I really feel ugly and not myself so it has been really hard for me to get in the mood. He gets mad at me because he thinks I’m not attracted to him and tells me he’s frustrated… he generally touches me a lot but I have constantly told him to stop because I don’t feel comfortable and he still doesn’t stop. I lost my job early on the pregnancy due to HG that didn’t go away until 20 weeks and have only been able to do side hustle but it’s not enough to pay for anything really so he has been the one paying for everything. Last week he told me that all the money we have is all his because he’s the one working and that honestly hurt so much. He also told me that he’s going to look somewhere since I’m not giving him any. He’s always reminding me of how unhappy he is but once we’re okay he tells me he was just mad and didn’t mean it. I am honestly so scared, I never wanted this for my baby. I just wanted something normal. I don’t really have friends that can help me. My family lives in a different country so I only have my mom here. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and helpless. Been trying to get help from the government but I can’t. Have also been looking for a job but no one wants to hire me not even remote jobs. I feel so alone…
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I’m so sorry you’re going thru all of this. I’ve always had a hit and miss relationship with my mom; so I definitely understand that difficulty and pain. Have you applied for WIC? I didn’t qualify for food stamps/medi-cal but ended up qualifying for WIC and although it’s a little more restricted then food stamps it still helps a lot. I’m sure you have but have you tried telling him how he makes you feel when he says those things to you. I don’t have many friends here right now- I’ve been going on a lot of mom walks to help get out of the house and get your mind off things for a change… I would

@Tatiana I have WIC fortunately and yes I have tried and tried but nothing really changes :(

a couple things id recommend! one, if you need a break from your mother remember you have no obligation to speak with her and she is not entitled to a relationship with you. i know its hard but youre an adult, frankly if she cant act better then a spoiled child she can find someone else to take care of her antics because youre not her mom, she is YOUR mom. i stopped talking to my parents for the same reason. when i imagined them speaking to my daughter the way they spoke to me i vowed to never let them meet her. im happier and i have a clearer mind because of it. of course i constantly wish i had a mom. i think everyone in our position does and thats normal to feel. but their baggage is not our responsibility. they have lived longer and need to get their shit together and learn that if you want a relationship with someone you treat them with respect.

secondly, im not sure what insurance you have but please contact your primary care doctor and see if you can get a therapist. therapy is a great tool to be able to speak your mind without bias or judgment. i felt the exact same way because everyone around me wouldnt listen. i didnt want to be intimate and my husband is hypersexual so i felt inadequate. these emotions are not something to be ashamed of and a therapist can be a great tool to help articulate your emotions whenever you decide to confront your husband. it will also be incredibly helpful post pardum as your hormones go all berserk. good luck.

Hugs mama!! My DMs are open if you need someone to talk to

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