Am I the worst type of female?

I have a friend who I was very close to 5-6 years ago. I helped with her first son a lot because dad wasn’t around. Me and this friend end up just kinda distancing due to different life paths (I guess). Until I found out I was pregnant and she was also pregnant with the same dad from kid #1. After kid #2 my friend and the dad tried to work things out together but my friend continued to see her ex, so they broke up. My friend and me were still not close at this point. Our relationship since the beginning has been based on me helping her, but when I needed someone she wasn’t around. Even with this - I would have taken both of her kids in as my own if needed. I truly do love this friend and her children. There’s a lot more to this story, obviously. At some point my friend developed an addiction, which after a series of events led to her losing custody of her sons to their dad. I haven’t actually talked with this friend for months, probably this past June, other than an occasional random Snapchat. The Problem: I recently came across the dad on Facebook and added him. Fully expecting him to deny it, but he didn’t. After he messaged me saying “stay away with any drama” I explained that I was just genuinely curious about the kids. My kid was friends with them as well. Somehow this has resulted in us talking everyday and we both have admitted to “catching feelings” for each other. Obviously if my friend found out about this, she would lose her shit. The last thing I want to do is hurt my friend. But I can’t help but feel like what if this was the universe. How can you know who your person is? If your person is your friend’s ex/bd, do you let it go for the sake of a “friendship” with someone who you barely have a friendship with? I have always said I would never talk to a friend’s ex partner like this and I truly did not expect this to play out the way it is. I was thinking maybe we could set up play dates for the kids. But here we are. We haven’t even hung out yet but I just want to hear from people; am I the worst type of females?

Show your support

If you and your friend were on better terms I might say don't break the girl code. However since you and her are on the outs and it doesn't seem to be fixed anytime soon, I say go for it. Hang out and see where things go.

You said you haven’t talked to her in months, she’s an addict, lost her kids and yall haven’t been close for 6 years…I say do it. Shes not a good friend, your whole post says that. Why do you even consider her a friend? If I had a friend that decided drugs were more important than her kids we wouldn’t be friends or that whenever I needed her she was no where to be found, we wouldn’t be friends lol. I’m all for girl code, but there’s certain things that excuse it and I feel this is one of them. It’s not your best friend’s bd you’re “stealing.” It’s an estranged one sided friendship from 6 years ago.

Honestly i dont think theres anything wrong with this. You didnt go into this intending to take her man from her or anything like that and yall arent that close anymore anyways. Sometimes shit happens! I would be more concerned about her flying off the handle assuming she does have contact with her kids if she found out. I dont think youre morally wrong for this though

I don’t think you’re wrong. But I’d say it’s not worth it to get involved with him romantically… dealing with someone else’s kids is not easy and no relationship will ever be perfect. So you have to decide if it’s worth it or not. Cus if she gets herself together one day and wants to be a parent, at the end of the day those are her kids and that’s going to cause a lot of pain/suffering/confusion to you her and her children. Unless she somehow is ok with it than I could see it working but other than that it’s gonna be so hard.. and for me it wouldn’t be worth it. Bc there’s lots of people you could have as a partner and most, there’s gonna be hard work and the initial attraction always fades 🙃 i wouldn’t start anything you might regret.. lol speaking from personal experience.

Hmmm, please don't do it!!! I have many things to say. But unfortunately I am a lazy typer!

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