No one else understands so I'm saying it here

I feel really alone with my feelings as a mom. I can't tell anyone anything in my life because they don't seem to get it at all. Family members that I've always been so close to, I don't even want to tell them the reality of my life anymore. It only makes me feel worst because they very much don't understand. Me and my daughter are on the spectrum and I have a younger child too. I'm trying my best and I have been sick for 2 weeks on top of the usual not being able to get it all done-ness. My daughter is expressing her frustration at me over how much time I have to give to other things and how I don't respond properly in conversation with her. Tonight it pushed me over the limit and I was crying. She wants everything to be just so. Just right. Always. ("The foods not right I'm not eating" "your response was dry, you don't care, don't talk to me" "don't look at me" so then when I don't, "see you're looking at the baby so I know you didn't hear me" ) I mean it goes on and on all day every day with comments like this.... mixed in with some good conversation moments and sweet moments where she says nice things, there's just like some perfection switch that flips. I honestly can feel it coming and I try to be perfect 🤷‍♀️ which is impossible. I'm tired of trying if I'm being honest. I still am believe me. I'm just tired of it. I want to avoid the feelings I get personally because I keep trying to just go on. I tell myself don't take it personal. I tell myself to take a breath. Remind myself not to look at her but to make sure I nod my head so she knows I am listening. Make the food the way she wants so she doesn't starve. The problem is now I have a young child too that needs me always. And now I'm pretty much in the middle of my own autistic burn out. So what do I even do. I can't be any better than this. I finally broke down and just told her. I doubt I should have. I also doubt she even understands what I was getting at. Maybe it even made her feel bad so now I feel bad. It's not her burden to carry my feelings. I shouldn't have said it. But I did. I told her " look, look at everything I do, I can't do any more than this. You tell me one thing then you tell me it's wrong. So I try a different way. You say ew someone needs to clean the kitchen i cant even go in there,then get mad because I am busy cleaning it. My tone wasn't right. My face looked wrong. Stop analyzing me inccorectly. When I tell you I love to talk to you I mean that with my whole heart. Just stop telling me I'm wrong I'm trying my best every day"