Feel so alone

Sorry this is just so all over the place but I feel so lost. I don’t think I really realised how isolating having a baby would be. like being pregnant was so hard because I’m a young mum-17 when I found out, 18 now- and I was so social, out a lot seeing friends or getting upto whatever, I was also drinking a lot & doing other things too yk so that’s a whole other thing that’s making this difficult too. It feels like since I found out I was pregnant and giving birth I never see anyone anymore, I moved in with my partner and he lives quite far from where I used to live so I can’t just go and see friends and I can’t make new friends bc it’s so hard to like keep up conversation with people now and it’s not like I’ve got school or work to meet new people- I’m also so bad at socialising without substances. I feel like I don’t enjoy anything anymore, I feel so jelous of my partner- he can just go out whenever he wants. Wherever he wants. With whoever he wants. Do whatever he wants. Being so young I often wonder if I was ready for this and I feel so horrible thinking the things I do because my little boy is here now and I love him so much but sometimes everything is too much, and it’s starting to feel more often than not. My LO is only 6 weeks and I’m so scared that it’s just gunna get worse. We had a night the other day around Halloween leaving the LO at family’s house and it made me miss my old life like crazy. I’m with the perinatal mental health team & theyre talking about prescribing me meds but I’m rapidly declining and I’m scared they won’t help or won’t kick in for ages and like I don’t even know how long I’m gunna have to wait for that to happen. I feel like I don’t want to talk to them about how I’m feeling fully because I don’t want them to try take baby away or like report me for anything which I don’t think they will because there’s no reason too but I’m so scared. I struggled so bad with my mental health before pregnancy, a lot during and now lots after. I miss my life being mine, I can’t get tattoos or piercings or anything because I’m BF, i can’t just go out and do things without thinking like I used to. Even when I get the opportunity to go out I feel so guilty and bad, I feel like I’m never going to be myself again. I never really knew who I was before but now I just feel even more lost which I didn’t even know was possible. I struggle to eat, I feel so tired all the time, so much guilt and self hatred and I just can’t foresee it going away. Sorry for the long rant there’s so much more I could say but don’t wanna just keep going on and on. Just kinda need somewhere to get this out. Was wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar, and is feeling any better now? Anything anyone can suggest to help even a bit until they get me meds.