I think my husband is jealous of baby...

I think he needs to get a grip. “I can’t be punished because she’s eating” has he heard himself? I think he needs to be reminded that his child comes first and needs to grow up a little bit and stop being so selfish. I’d have a word. Xxx

Tel him to grow the hell up seriously.... I don't think your reading too much into it.. Your LO comes first and he's a adult and should understand this... I would seriously have a word with him and to put his childs needs before his own xx

I don't think he's the only one who acts like but that doesn't make it OK. He needs to get a grip and grow up a bit 🙄

He is taking it personal, likely due to not anticipating the impact before baby is born and not being able to grief the loss of his old lifestyle. Basically he felt that the baby's arrival has changed his life drastically, and he took it personally that it is the baby who takes it away from him. It's the same with some mothers who struggle with Postpartum Depression and feel resentful towards their babies. Dad will struggle too. It will be helpful if you both are able to share how you both feel towards the changes, towards the new life now and not feeling attacked by each other's feelings. Also, very often dad feels excluded or left out from the dyad relationship between mum and baby, and this can be a painful feeling for some people. Again, if both of you are able to talk about the "negative" impact of birth, it will help.

@Laura I'm constantly telling him he needs to re-evaluate his priorities as he is a Dad now. I honestly feel like he is still going through the transition from childless man to father. I'm not trying to bash him or shame him, but I think he is struggling with the transition at times.

@Kirsty, so the TV stayed off. After feeding the child, I told him he could switch in the TV (which he did reluctantly). I then told him to watch our daughter as I needed a few minutes to myself to compose myself. I was gone for about 30 minutes, when I got back... TV was off, and he was interacting with our daughter. He tries, really, but I do feel that there are moments that pop up where he is possessed by some demon, hahaha, and I honestly feel like he has not fully transitioned to our new normal. I think he misses being the center of attention, and maybe I'm also to blame as 90% of my focus is on baby, and 10% of my focus is split between the household,my well-being, and him. I think his 'light bulb' moment is taking time to kick in, and he hasn't 100% mentally transitioned. I think because I do 90% of the childcare due to our situation, that doesn't help with expediting his transition.

@Terri 100% agree... he does need to grow up and understand that being a parent is not a 9am to 5pm job... its a lifetime thing.

@Xing Yi, you are 100% correct. So we had the talk around 4 weeks (when grand parents were around and we had loads of help with baby) about mourning our old life. For him at the time, it didn't click to him that this was a 'thing' that we individually had to go through. I personally cried, cried, and cried the 1st week post c section cause the 'penny dropped' for me, and I had to accept the reality of my new life. As you have mentioned, I think he hasn't fully mourned his old life and not fully mentally transitioned to his new normal. He isn't a horrible partner, but I see that he is struggling with some of the transition now that we have a child.

Sometimes unfortunately men don't seem to change much about their lives because they don't feel like they have to as mum becomes default parent. Also a lot of men struggle when baby is small and tend to get a better bond when they are older. He seems like he needs a bit of s reality check though about what having a child is actually going to entail for the next few years until they're a little more independent x

Perhaps instead of jealous of not being the centre of attention, he actually misses you a lot? Even though you both see each other every day but very obviously and naturally that you are mentally occupied with baby and getting through the days. So it means even though you are physically close but you are actually quite distance away. My tips would be to get him to bond with the baby. Create opportunities for them to be alone and don't intervene, don't tell him what he is doing is not right because it isn't how you usually do. With my first, my husband was very distant from us when he was born. He ndulged himself at work even at night cause he was struggling with the change. So, I then ask my husband to bathe our son everyday because our son loves bath and smiles a lot. He managed to charm his dad and that his dad will be looking forward to rushing home to see him instead of me 😂 tbh, I was jealous at that time but I'm glad that he feels connected with him and finds the joy of being a father.

My OH also went through a phase of I guess mourning his old life… he’s been fab from the start I can’t deny but a few times I’ve had to have a word and explain that his daughter is the priority and she will not be little forever so the bloody computer game, or reply to a mate on your phone can wait!! I think he realised fully the first day he had her by himself while I went to the hair dressers! Xxx

@Naomi you are correct on the reality check part. Some days he is a great parent... some days he acts like he is childless lol lol lol it's fascinating to watch.

@Xing Yi yeap he is also suddenly over committed with work. Yesterday, Friday, he was working from home and I had to call him out on it at 6.30pm and I said "when are you going to spend time with your family". Yes the bath thing, I actually told him yesterday that he is going to bath our daughter today... also my way if trying to real him back into being an involved parent. I agree, he does probably miss me amd life pre baby... a part of me also feels like we are here now, let's make it work... especially as there is no turning back.

@Laura oh man... listen... I'm here trying to arrange an appointment with the hair dresser so that he can have her for the day. I'm hoping that I get great results from this exercise.

I think this is probably more common than many people would like to admit. I think the reality is that often mums are more…in to… the baby than the dad is. Especially during the baby bit. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love it or at least won’t get there with time. I’m sure people will jump on me for saying that, but I think it’s sometimes true. Not always obviously. I don’t know if it’s something you can change, but maybe it helps to be able to talk more honestly about it and accept you are both having a different experience of parenting. You can try and find the best way through it all for both of you from there. It’s a tough gig for everyone.

@Ellie we had a chat concerning a different topic and I ended up having to mention that circumstances are different now as we have a child and his behavior can't be that of a childless man. I think he heard me as I observed some immediate changes after our talk. I agree with you, the transition for them takes a little longer compared to us. He is exhibiting some positive attributes towards his new normal.

Parenting together, expectations from each other are always going to be a topic as your kids grow 1-2-3..... It is still a topic now we have our second, adding new dynamic to the family, but the good thing is my husband is open to listen and change when I found a neutral way of communicating with him what I need and how I wish he could step up. But! Nothing beats giving the man a reality check by leaving them with the child 😂😂 they will taste the high and the lows. I always remember with my first born, I was simply surviving the days still when he was 4 months old. He came home from work saying "I wish the house was tidier". I started to work freelance when he was 6 months old on Saturdays and my husband couldn't even have his morning shower, not to say prepare lunch and dinner. Ha! I had to rush home to cook for us and get to tease him a bit 🤭