I still don't know my baby, I'm such a bad mum

Oh bless you, sounds like you’re really struggling. You’re definitely not a bad mum, but honestly, she sounds like she’s really a challenging baby at times. Do you have some support? I would perhaps take her to the GP to see if you can get to the bottom of her crying, she may be in some pain, e.g. an ear infection, or milk allergy etc. Also if you have a friend or family member to go to for emotional support, please reach out, or ask for help with your little girl so you can have a break? Reach out to your HV too as they may be able to help. It’s ok if you’re not always feeling the “you got this mama” stuff. We all struggle and being a mum isn’t just an intuitive instinct. It takes hard work and a lot of learning xx

Thank you @Emelie ! I don't really have support tbh. My husband works from home, so he can sometimes distract her while I have a cry. Otherwise I don't have anyone. Family is in another country and we're low contact. I have a couple of friends around here, though they all lead busy lives. I can vent to them but sometimes it's just so much i can't stomach talking about it as well. And it's all very repetitive. I also don't want them thinking she's a bad baby. I love her so much, shes the best person I've ever met. I just feel like she's unhappy because I'm not doing a good job

@Emelie We've taken her to her GP a couple of times and even to urgent care once. The paediatrician at the hospital blamed me, saying I shouldn't give her so much formula despite me telling him she's ebf. Her GP checked her and couldn't find anything wrong, so guessed she might be constipated and wanted us to give her a laxative before he googled it and saw she's too young for that. My hv thinks it's teething and could go on for months. She wants me to give her a cold carrot to nibble on. I bought some teethers that can be put in the fridge instead. She sometimes chews on them but mostly just tried to mouth anything she shouldn't instead, like my t-shirt, hair, nappy liners, my shoulder etc

@Emelie sorry for the lengthy responses and thank you for taking the time to reply

Hey! Has she ever been properly checked for tongue tie? What kind of birth did you have? Is she carrying any tension? X

She’s definitely not upset because you’re not doing a good job. It’s easy to think you’re a good mum and got everything figured out just because you have an easy baby…. Oh dear. Sounds like you’ve not had the best care from the Dr, hospital & HV. They don’t seem to have listened to you. I really hope you do manage to get to the bottom of what’s unsettling her so much. Perhaps as she grows it may become apparent what is wrong, or her temperament might change. I’m sure she is just lovely 🥰 She’s still so young so things could turn a corner. I personally found 3-4 months so hard because of all the sleep / feeding / growth spurt / leap stuff. If all else fails. Remember everything is just a phase!! 😅 Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. Xx

Oh I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, it’s so difficult especially when you’re still healing (my son is 9 months and I still have some tenderness around my section). I know you’ve had every suggestion under the sun by now, but has anyone mentioned that she could be sensitive to something in your breastmilk? Someone I know had similar issues to what you describe and she had to do an elimination diet to see if something she was eating was causing a sensitivity in her baby. “You should know your baby and their cries by 3 months”, that definitely not the case. I’ve only really started to understand a lot of my son’s cues and I’m still learning! Your baby isn’t disappointed in you or sick of you, you are taking care of her needs and love her and although her reaction to things may make you wonder otherwise. Some babies have a harder time adjusting to the world than others is all. From everything you’ve said you’re doing your best and you’re doing a great job x

You’re doing a great job with all the trouble shooting you run through to find reasons behind her unsettling. Know that it gets better. It might be gas and taking her for a baby massage class could help her pass gas, soothe her tummy and move her bowel. You could also learn a few baby tummy massage techniques on you tube. What worked with my LO at that stage was me sitting on a bouncing ball and bouncing with her in my arms. All the best .

@Gemma yeah, she has had hers clipped when she was 3 weeks. It was quite severe. It was an elected c section at 39+6. How do I know if she carries tension?

@Emelie thank you for saying that! It's good to hear 3-4 months was difficult for others as well. When did things get better for you?

@Portia I cut out garlic and soy and that seemed to help reduce her reflux or maybe she just grew out of it. My GP said not to cut dairy. Maybe so I don't become deficient in nutrients etc. But I've been thinking about cutting it out for just 2-3 days to see if it makes a difference. Thank you for saying that, that's very kind

@Kyke we booked baby massage classes which will start soon. I'll have a look on YouTube beforehand. The bouncing ball is hit and miss with her, but will keep trying. Thank you!

We are nearly 6 months and while feeding & sleep improved, we now have issues with skin 😵‍💫 On that note, our dietician told me not to cut dairy because his symptoms weren’t “severe” but recently I did anyway because his eczema got so bad and now 3 weeks down the line he is a much happier baby with calm skin and no reflux or dodgy poos anymore. Unfortunately 2-3 days won’t be enough to heal the gut if she does have a CMPA, Altho you might see some improvement overnight. It’s 4-6 weeks before symptoms clear for some people 😣 it’s a long time to sacrifice dairy if you aren’t even sure it’s the culprit!

@Emelie alright, had no idea. Thank you for that. I might still give it a go and try for 6 weeks and try to get calcium etc via other food. We gave her formula maybe 4 times in her life during emergencies and every time she'd throw up afterwards and would continue to throw up for 24-48 hrs. We bought lactose free formula in case we needed to give her some again but haven't had to yet. I guess lactose intolerance is nothing compared to CMPA though. Thank you for that, that's really helpful

@Gemma thank you for that! She does have some of those symptoms. Will look into it, thanks! We were never told to do oral exercises and it healed really quickly for her. She's gaining lots of weight and bf became much more comfortable for me a couple days afterwards, so it was just assumed it had been successful. The birth was certainly stressful for both of us. It was elected but I went in having a panic attack that lasted for most of it. She was taken out and not handed to us for 40 mins, then handed to my husband. I didn't get to hold her for about an hour and she kept screaming the entire time. Still makes me cry to this day thinking about hearing her cry but not being able to comfort her. I wouldn't be surprised if she had tension from that

Definitely sounds like she could have a CMPA with that reaction to formula. Some babies react through breastmilk too. It’s pretty common, like 1 in 30 babies have it, and it usually goes away around the age of 12 months when the stomach acids get stronger. There is a CMPA group on here that I’ve learnt a lot from. Keep food diary to show your GP as evidence, and then if you start to see improvement you can ask them to prescribe an extensively hydrolysed CMPA formula for when you need to give a bottle. Worth a try I reckon (sorry to be another person bombarding you with an opinion!) x

Oh bless you! That does sound super stressy! You’re doing amazing and she’s so so lucky to have you! In regards to the tongue tie- I think even if it’s successful they can still lack a little bit of oral function so there’s absolutely no harm in trying the exercises :) The same lady does an oral play guide as well x https://thefeedingmom.thrivecart.com/say-ah-oral-play-guide/?affiliate=110390

@Emelie thank you, I will do. No that's been really helpful, thank you!

@Gemma thank you, I'll look into that as well