Woman at my partners work

I mean would he be okay if you were messaging a male co-worker all day and night??? You’re definitely not overthinking it.

@Sarah am I not? He makes me feel like I am 😕

Men and women can just be really good friends. I have plenty of purely platonic friendships and so does my husband. But, neither of us message anyone all day and all night - we don't have the time or the energy 😂 Does he do this with other friends too? Is he just someone who likes to be in contact constantly? If she's the only one then it's a bit of a red flag.

@Caroline oh ok.. well I don’t have any male friends because they’ve always wanted/expected more. no he just does it with her 😭

One of my very best friends is a man. We knew each other before we met our spouses. We do text a lot, but it’s more like we are siblings than anything. He’s close with my husband now and they even text on their own & such. We attended their (very small) wedding as the only non-family members and Malcolm was in my husband’s groomsmen party. I think it’s definitely possible to be friends and only friends, but here is my suggestion: - be honest about how you’re feeling, if he dismisses it - red flag 🚩 - ask him what they talk about, if he conceals the topics or is vague - red flag 🚩 - ask him if he’d be okay with you being as close with a male coworker as he is with her - if he wouldn’t be okay, red flag 🚩

@Elyssa I’ve spoken to him about it and he just says I’m being daft and gets really angry sticking up for her saying she’s not like that she’s just really easy to get on with 😕 I’ve never met her and he only met her through work a few years ago when we’d been together for a long time 😞 He said they talk about all sorts and have a laugh with each other He says he would be ok with me being like that with a man.

Well, maybe he is being honest. I’ll admit it’s hard to know from just this context. But I understand how you feel and even if it’s innocent you’re allowed to feel nervous… clearly you care about him

One of my closest friends is a guy (he has a wife and child too). We've known each other for about 4 years now (met through work) and I'd be gutted if my partner didn't want me to be friends with him anymore! However I'd tell him no, as I won't be controlled like that. We don't message all day everyday though, probably a few times a week. We meet for coffee/lunch every couple of weeks ish. If you trust your partner then you need to chill about it tbh.

@Rebecca I’ve never said he can’t be friends with her and I get men and women can be friends but can they if the woman is stunning and they get on so well? I feel like men always end up wanting more I don’t know if I do trust him to be honest but when I have brought it up I’ve been almost jokey because I never want to come across as insecure or jealous. Suppose it just hurts because we have been together a long time and I feel like we’re drifting apart so even if they see friends now she could turn his head 😞 I love him so much

It shouldn't matter if she's a supermodel, as long as he loves you then he will stay loyal. It sounds to me like the issue here is your own insecurities, especially as you mention feeling like you're drifting apart. Perhaps you both need to talk about how you can breathe some life back into your relationship? I don't get jealous or paranoid, and it's honestly because there's no point. Both happy and unhappy people cheat, so me worrying about it won't stop it from happening if he's going to do it x

If he hides it, I feel that shows he’s doing something wrong, because otherwise there’s no reason to conceal the truth. Right? I’d say if he treats her differently than he treats his male friends, there could be something off about it. I have male friends—I’ve always had purely platonic, close male friends since early childhood—but I treat them the same as I treat any female friends. I text them the same amount, talk to them in the same manner, disclose it to my husband in the same manner (use the same tone, similar topics of conversation, etc.).

No. Not messaging night and day. 🚩

I wouldn’t like it

@Rebecca the issue is it being day and night. If it was now and again I would be ok with it

@Laura he was hiding it but being more obvious now 😞 He definitely treats her differently to his same sex friends

@Saff that’s what I thought 😞

@Chloe yeah I don’t either

Nope 👎!!!!!!!! Stand ur ground he’s walking all over u WTH !! Fuck that . My man is not messaging with a female period . They can be co workers but that’s it .

Omg please update us and tell us u put a stop to that. He is playing u girl not saying he’s cheating but that’s plain disrespect

I could understand day messaging (not texting since there are workplace chat apps like slack, slack is ok) Night messaging? There is NO reason to message anyone at work at night, unless you work in infrastructure both tangible or software and something breaks and it’s an emergency not a habitual thing. So no, you are not overthinking it. Speak up and be honest about how it makes you feel. Some women do not care about what a man has at home…

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to what you want/ feel and what kind of a person your partner is but if you are asking me how i feel - personally- its a no for me. Could be insecurity, immaturity, honestly don't know but I do know it would make me uncomfortable. Bottom line- it really is about how you feel. Communicate it to him and make your feelings heard. Good luck xx

@Luz really? You’re the first person I’ve spoken to that’s thought that like that. I’ve been feeling guilty for thinking the worst 😩

@Nabila they don’t message about work they message about anything and everything but it’s all through work time until 12:30 am 😞

He needs to stop that nonsense. Why does he have to message ANYONE when it's family time??? With men you just have to dovthe same as him to get them to understand. So I'd start up with a male friend too we see who will be happier with my way too. He's dismissing your feelings and that's a big no in my books. Men and women can be friends even with the not so attractive ones... so longvas the boundaries are kept which in thus case they aren't imo. It wouldn't bother me if my man has female friends so long as they are respectful all around. Owise I'll make him cry too because I can do much worse.

Girl don’t listen to anybody but urself … if u don’t like it communicate it and he must please u bc what ur asking for is respect. If he fight u about it then he ain’t the one

I have guy friends that i message at any time. 2am? No different than 3pm. However, the every day and every night, continuous? That's my concern with your situation. I may hold an on and off conversation for a week that goes at ask times of day and night... but it ebbs and flows. Because i cake my family and want time with them as well, continuing that behavior for more than a few days gets exhausting unless the person in texting with is a priority. I've had a friend going through depression issues, and that type of situation, i would be fine texting day and night for a month or so.... but just because, continuously.... he is prioritizing her and is getting some type of feeling with his relationship with her to keep this up.

I have a male friend who I’m really close to but there’s no way I’m texting him all day and night, I think that’s a bit of a red flag. We meet up every month or so just us 2 but also have double dates with our spouses too so we all know each other and I think that helps too (not that my husband cares that I have a male friend lol). I’d definitely speak to him and voice your concerns and see how he reacts

Men and women can definitely be platonic friends, but him messaging her constantly day and night is a big red flag. If he’s not physically cheating, it’s likely he’s involved in (or at least headed toward) an emotional affair.

@Lav yeah I know this is how I feel too when he’s home with me and the children he should be focusing on family time 😞 he’s just not understanding how it’s wrong thought. I don’t even think he’d be bothered if I done the same back

@Luz yeah he said there’s nothing in it and said I can’t force him not to female friends 😞

@Ari yeah I’m not comfortable with him messaging all day and night 😞 it just doesn’t seem right to me. You’re right he is prioritising her 😭 I think he wants to be with her 💔

@Chloé Collier I think it seems wrong that it’s day and night 😞 well I’ve never met her I’ve only ever seen photos. I have and he just says I can’t tell him he can’t have female friends and doesn’t see any issue with it l.

@Rebecca yeah I agree and I definitely think it’s an emotional affair 💔 I am broken 😞

Yeah then get u some male friends but nah that’s not right. Well girl he clearly puts himself and other girls before u