Cry it out method or cuddle her and sooth?

Mama knows best. I say crying it out is a last resort and that old generation thinking is just completely wrong. It’s healthy for kids to be attached to their main caregiver. They need that for safety and confidence to explore. That being said, sometimes they need to know that they can’t always get their way and they may cry a bit but it’s ok. Also, when my boy just won’t go to sleep, I put him in his crib, let him cry for a few minutes and then pick him up and nurse him again, at which point he’ll usually fall asleep. But there are times where he’d wake up in the middle of the night and keeps playing and won’t sleep even after being fed. At that point I’ve had to put him in his crib and let him cry for some time and then he’ll sleep either in his crib or eventually I’ll take him.

How old is little one ❤️

My LB is almost 2 and I have never ever let him CIO. Have never and will never.

@Bethen she is 6 months! I feel she is crying more now and when I pick her up it’s stops. It’s like she knows now and is more aware of things. 🤷🏻‍♀️😩

@Valeria yes this makes sense and that’s what I have to do to get her to fall asleep again.

@Katrina honestly, it really gives me anxiety to my core. 😩❤️

@Lauren I think I started CIO between 6-8 months for both of mine, my first took to it in a matter of days, my 2nd took a while longer I think because she was breastfed and used to being on me constantly ❤️ it was completely last resort for me though especially on number 2 because i needed them out of my bed, I'd start by comforting them several times a night and they would never ever settle in their cribs no matter how many different techniques I used and I was just so burnt out I was terrified of going into too much of a deep sleep with them in the bed with me. I'd leave them cry gradually though, like 5 mjns, check soothe, 10 mins, 15 etc and it worked a treat for me but as previously said mamma knows best and you should only do what you're comfortable with! If you're comfortable leaving them cry for short periods then I'd say it's worth a shot but if yoh have that need to comfort then that's absolutely awesome too!

she's crying for you, if you ignore her she'll think you aren't there for her. "attachment issues" doesn't exist in babies. they need their mother!

6 months is so tiny and new to the world! Keep responding to your baby, it won’t do her any harm at all. You’re teaching her to regulate herself by coregulating her ❤️

honestly who cares what your parents say, if it feels wrong don’t do it! your baby needs you and it’s healthy for her to have a strong attachment to you. i think it’s wrong to leave a baby screaming like that, she needs your comfort and your mama instincts are telling you to comfort her ❤️

She was attached to u for like 9 months straight in the womb, I think it’s pretty reasonable for her to be attached to you when she comes out. She’s supposed to be attached she’s a lil baby

@Lauren I usually have to let him cry before he’ll sleep if he’s over tired. Make sure that he’s not overtired because that’s when mine gets winy and clingy.

I never let my baby cry it out. She was difficult too, like I’d be up with her every hour or more some nights. Everyone told me to sleep train but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her cry, so I didn’t. I cried with her from exhaustion some nights, I went some days almost falling over and all crazy and cranky but I never let her cry it out. She is now a year and a month old and just started sleeping through the night on her own. Nothing new here, besides just eating more throughout the day. But I wasn’t trying a new schedule or noise machine or any other tactics, she was just ready. Every baby is different and my opinion is that they’re not babies forever so might as well tend to their every need, even if it’s hard, because it’s a very temporary inconvenience in the grand scheme of things and better to have baby secure in knowing mommy will always be there. I don’t judge anyone who’s done CIO because I understand that everyone’s situation is different—this is just my personal opinion.

@Riley see I never want her to think I don’t care and not there. 😩

@Lauren I had counselling training through work and I remember him telling us the attachment issues and the toxic stress this causes on babies brains causes issues in later life and I remember thinking I could never do that to my child. Even if there was only a 1% chance, I couldn’t do it. The only times I have ‘left him to cry’ is when I have been overly stressed and nothing I was doing was consoling him, I’d walk out the room for a minute, gather myself and try again

@Izzie exactly how it feels when I see her face going red and trying to breathe. Gosh is so hard to leave her like that. Glad I’m not alone, but also I’m struggling through the nights but I’m not sure if it’s just a phase she is going through because few weeks ago she was sleeping 4-5 hours between feeds. Maybe is a grow spurt too where she wants me to soothe her more.

I’ve had to let my baby cry it out, but he’s one and that’s because I did spoil him a lot when he was littler. Despite what many’s say.. they are not going to get issues either way. They’re just new to this world and adjusting so they cry.

@Valeria yes she fusses also and does a little fake cry before she goes down but it’s nothing too crazy. Thank you though 🙏🏽

Choosing to be there for your kids (when you’re able) has been proven to show massive positive effects in adolescence behavior in terms of security, trust, self confidence and even independence. I am not where I can search for the video of the psychologist talking about it but it’s super cool and the very reason I do not ever if I can help it let my kids cry it out. Now if they’re wining that’s different but it never gets to a full scream or cry. They’re 8 month old twins !

Please don't use the firm method (cry it out) it causes emotional deattachedment to the parents if have to do it in time control periods until settlement of your child

Depends on age but I wouldn’t personally do the ‘cry it out’ method. It’s very outdated and there is scientific evidence to back this up to your family. X

Also I had a sort of tick list for bed around this time, clean bum, nappy cream, bottle, teething gel, dummy. So I knew if they were crying then it was for attention (unless they were ill etc) but im sure they were about 8 months old at this point. Same as you they would stop the second they were picked up and it was so frustrating especially when you're just so tired 😭 as I said previously I would soothe occasionally and then leave cry for a short while, soothe etc, it didn't take long and they would sleep through the night. But again do what's best for you! It's been proven that CIO doesn't cause any harm (within reason) but ever mamma is different, whatever you do you'll do brilliantly. Mothering is hard and exhausting and someone will always have something to say no matter what option you go with ❤️❤️❤️

Strong attachment to the mother/primary caregiver is developmentally normal! Especially in the younger years. It is how they are biologically wired to survive. You provide nutrition, comfort, and safety, amongst many other things, to your baby. People told me this with all my kids, but I just ignored them. I keep them close and respond to every need. They gain their independence and confidence in their own time, but they'll always know you're there for them even in teenage/adulthood.

Never did cry it out. Never will. Always listen to your instincts. Imagine telling an animal mother to not go to her baby because they are crying... My oldest sleeps through the night just fine. Takes time but eventually it just happens. I am still up nursing my second at night. I know with time she will sleep but until then when she calls me I go to her. Babies and young children need their caregivers. This is biologically normal.

Well thank you ladies. I really needed that. It feels right comforting her and soothing her whilst she is so young still so I’m going to stick to my guns with this one and tell them where to shove it lol 😂

There is new research to suggest that CIO is traumatizing to their little brains. Crying is out is not them learning to self soothe but learning that no one is coming.

I don't believe in crying it out I think it's cruel tbh x

@Lauren it probably is a growth spurt! it will pass

They think that responding to your child is going to cause issues down the line? That’s intriguing. So, by NOT responding to your child…… what outcome are they anticipating?

When you care for your crying baby, it helps them understand that when they have needs, they will be supported ❤️ a crying baby that is left alone is left confused and feeling neglected

It is not good to let your baby cry until she’s so tired she falls asleep. Baby can’t talk so crying is literally the only way they can communicate with you. Crying always mean that they are upset, and they want you to be there and comfort them and answer to whatever their needs are. By not responding to their crying, you are literally telling them that you don’t care about them. Like they can’t can’t feed themselves, they can’t fall asleep themselves, for god sake, they have not even been in the world for more than x months, and you think “I’ll let them cry so they don’t get attached to me” - you are mum and your responsibility is literally to care for your child. It is tough and every baby is different. I have 2 toddlers and I always cuddle them and be with them when they go to sleep. My 3 years old has been able to sleep through the night since 2 ish, now she falls asleep within 5 minutes without me doing anything. My 21-months-old sleep well too, he can fall asleep within 10-20 min

Depends on age and what type of crying. Like you said she cries so hard she can’t breathe that is when I would go in and soothe her. If it’s just a bit of crying and whining I’ll leave and wait between 5-10 minutes then go in and calm them down. I room shared until my daughter was 19 months old. She co slept as a baby so I gave her bottle and rocked her to sleep then put her on a bed in her own cot and left her if I wasn’t going to bed yet. Once she was off the bottle and too big for rocking I would hold her hand until she fell asleep. I got her her own bed at 14 months old and she would start out in there and halfway thru the night she would want to sleep with me and that went on until she got her own room at 19 months. Since then she goes down easy sometimes cries but will stop. I saw on your profile your girl is pretty young still I wouldn’t expect a baby of her age to cry it out.

What’s the cry it out supposed to teach a baby that doesn’t even have a mind to think? I’m curious like what are u gonna teach an infant? 🤔 I always hear people talk about this, and I don’t get it..

If an adult cries and people are around are they supposed to ignore the adult? Like some people lack brain capacity. Make the baby a robot becz how dare he want some love and affection.

Lots of comments say this already but it’s been proven that CIO does not “work” the way it seems to. LOs fear brain takes over when their protector doesn’t come to help them and they shut down. They stop crying because their brains send them into survival mode, “self soothing” is not something that a child can understand at this age.

You’re doing exactly what I would do. I give them time to see if they will figure it out themselves but I’m not going to leave them crying it out and gasping for air upset.

@Bailey yes that’s what we are doing now. Must be a transition phase. Yeah she is only 6 months. Still needs mommies cuddles 🥰

I promise you it will NOT lead to attachment issues or other “bigger issues” down the road. I let my baby cry in the car when I’m driving because I can’t pull over every 2 mins. So i voted for let her cry when needed. But cuddle her whenever you can, this phase is temporary. Your husband and parents are being ridiculous

She’s in my bed - so she doesn’t cry. I would never let her cry it out. She can cuddle me for as long as she needs.

@Rebecca what’s the process with the car and does she cry every time? How old?

I think cry it out creates abandonment issues. They don't learn to self soothe. They learn no one is coming when they cry so they stop crying. It's actually really sad. There's nothing wrong with your baby needing you to soothe them. Even during sleep training they tell you to go in and soothe every 5-10 minutes (I don't really like this either, personally) There's a reason we have a physical reaction to our baby crying.

I’m an occupational therapist and trained in attachment-based parenting coaching. I would never advise letting an infant “cry it out.” What they’re learning from this is that you’re not there when they need you. And yes, people think that it works because eventually the infant stops crying, but just because they’re not crying doesn’t mean their needs are met. It’s called learned helplessness. They eventually stop crying because they learn that you won’t help them. This leads them to deal with their discomfort/unmet needs alone, which they’re not developmentally built to do yet. “Cry it out” is what creates unhealthy, insecure attachments over time. To create a secure attachment, parents should respond to a child’s needs as consistently as they can. When an infant cries, pick them up and try to figure out what the issue is, or just hold them and be there for emotional support. You don’t have to be perfect of course, just responsive enough so that your child knows you’re there for them.

I would hate to be ignored while I was crying! Treat your baby how you would like to be treated.

@Jane 10 months! If she’s sleepy, she will cry for a few mins and then fall asleep. It’s not every time we get in the car, but usually when I pick her up from daycare she’s sleepy so she cries when I put her in the car seat.

It hurts to hear your baby cry for good reason- babies aren’t meant to be left alone to cry. We expect babies to act like adults, when even most adults like being comforted to sleep (I love falling asleep cuddling my husband!) Cry it out causes your babies amygdala to shrink, meaning when they are older they have less capability to handle stress. The research done by Dr Greer Kirshenbaum goes into this a ton! It is biologically normal to attend to your baby! And will actually help their attachment and mental health when they’re older ❤️

So for my first child, I was able to let her cry a bit and settle in for the night. Most naps she'd fall asleep on me and transfer to the crib. And when she got a bit older(6-12months) , my husband would sit next to her crib for just comfort her a little bit. She was comforted and yet learned that it was sleeping time. My 2nd? He was a problem sleeper! I had to try several things before figuring it out! He wouldn't sleep in our bedroom, bathroom or closet. But when we moved the crib to our living room? He would finally be able to sleep. We'd settle him down, by holding him and watching videos. Then we'd lay him down and he slept pretty well. But to this day (2.5yrs), he frequently walks into our bed at night. I had to choose between sleep and being stubborn. And I live in apartments, so I also feel bad for our neighbors. Find what works for you and your particular child! (At one point to crib train this child? I slept on the floor next to his crib. Otherwise he'd wake up and scream to go to our bed, 3+times.

I lost track of how many times and things I tried to get him sleeping on his own.) just wanted to encourage you to keep trying and experimenting. On his good side, he potty trained really easily overall!

Soothe

Depends on the situation. Sometimes my youngest cries when I leave him in his playpen because I have to do something. He’ll end up crying and I give him a minute or two to see if he stops. If he doesn’t stop then I pick him up

Before you feel desperate enough to try the cry it out method try a singing bowl