Disappointed

Is anyone else feeling disappointed with how they’ve been treated postpartum? I’m coming out of the newborn phase and feeling let down looking back at how people treated me since giving birth, especially as it was a complicated birth and I had to stay in hospital for a while. I’m a FTM and just underwhelmed by how people have treated me in this really vulnerable part of my life. Examples of things I’m annoyed about: in laws expecting me to take my newborn to them instead of them coming to visit me, family members picking fights with me (a week after giving birth), a family member literally said “if it wasn’t for what you’ve been through we’d have argued by now”. A relative even visited me in hospital and was making indirect comments about how they first thought my baby looked like me but that the photos they saw didn’t do her justice and weren’t flattering. I’m also really pissed off about in laws thinking they have some sort of individual claim to my baby girl that bypasses me. Am I crazy to think that people should know better and treat new mums with more sensitivity and respect?

Show your support

Well you are not crazy it's hard but this life is a test and you can't expect good from people around us not expecting helped me aloooooooot i used to feel exactly the way you say it, but with a little bit of wider perspective and understanding everyone role and focusing on how can i do my responsibilities and ask clearly when i need help with fights only for needed boundaries thank god life changed

You’re not crazy at all and everything you’re feeling is valid. I completely understand and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. A lot of your family sound toxic. My experiences have been that, nobody asks how I am it checks in on me. It’s like it’s been forgotten that I gave birth and had a bad tear which was agony for ages and the exhaustion etc, just really shit that nobody thinks of our wellbeing or thinks to praise our efforts. I’m also at times expected to go back to cultural expectations which is not what I want when it comes to family visits and catering to them etc. my approach is to keep repeating my boundaries to my Mum or speaking to my partner for support. I’m not sure how comfortable you feel but I’ve found since knowing I was going to be a mum, I’m better at telling people what for in a polite way (not always easy or possible). Sending you love x

I agree whole heartedly with April. The key is not Excepting anything from anyone at any point in ur life. You will only set ur self up for failure.

I’m sorry you went through that in your most vulnerable state. I would be annoyed, post partum or not. Some criticism should be left unsaid. Especially if it’s not important. But some people don’t know what to say and just say anything. As for your in-laws, ignore them. They can talk all the mess they want but don’t put any energy into them. I don’t know how your husband is but you could bring your concerns to him and be like i get it’s their grand baby but it’s my baby and i want to be able to enjoy them without feeling like I’m taking care of someone else’s baby. It’s stressful when everyone thinks you’re supposed to make the effort to bring the baby around them when you want your time to yourself. Hang in there.

Thank you all for your input. I guess I should lower my expectations of others and just really appreciate the people who don’t let me down and show up in the right ways when I need them. To hell with everything else 😂🥲

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌