Pregnancy after loss is HARD

Hi everyone, I'm so sorry that we are all part of a group that none of us ever wished in being. I lost my son over 2 years ago at 33 weeks - he had an incredibly rare genetic issue and was born sleeping. I went on to have my beautiful daughter and I struggled hugely throughout the pregnancy. I lived in my local maternity triage. I gave birth and she is now a thriving 18 month old. I am now 29 weeks pregnant with my third (and final) baby. I know they do not have the same genetic condition as my son and everything is going fairly smoothly physically. I naively went into this pregnancy thinking I would be calmer. I was wrong. I have had countless anxiety attacks, I call triage multiple times a day and had so many heartbeat checks that my maternity book is starting to split. The midwives know me by name and remember my birthday (to be fair to me, my birthday is really easy to remember). I have so so much support in place - therapy, anti-depressents, specialist midwives, more midwife appointments and peri-natal mental health support. Topping it all off with the most supportive family and partner you could imagine. But I can't relax until my baby is in my arms and even then, it will be a battle to convince myself that my baby will survive. I just wanted to hear if anyone else feels the same? I feel like a drain on NHS time and that one day they are going to wrap me in a straight jacket and cart me off. I call asking if they think my waters have broken 2 times a day (don't ask me why, I keep worrying my waters will break and I won't know) I am a good mum. I am a good person. I am good at my job. I am a good friend. I am terrible at being pregnant. Just wanted to hear that I am not the only person like this! Sending you all love and well wishes x