Trying to understand why I have to share my baby

May be a controversial opinion but if he wants to be a dad you should let him, I wouldn’t deprive my child of a father just because I don’t like him or didn’t want him around. I would say though that him not showing on days he says he’s going to is out of order and I would definitely set some boundaries so that he nips that in the bud! You don’t have to let him have baby over night or away from you as baby will constantly be craving and wanting mama (you’re all she’s used too) so that may distress her. I think just take each day as it comes and if he steps up (with the boundaries you put in place) great and if not, his loss. X

@Megan Im just concerned for when she gets older eventually he’s going to wnt to take her home . Him and his mom smoke weed all day. He also one time said he’s going to tell her all abt me when she’s older so I know he would bad mouth me and he’s a player so idk if he would bring her around his diff gfs. :/ also don’t want him to promise her things he’s not going to do

If he’s not on the BC then you have options, if he is, then he could always fight for custody. I would say, if you want him not involved, don’t reach out. Keep the expectations low, don’t complain, don’t be upset when he doesn’t come. Later on give him a set schedule (nonchalantly) of when he can see her and keep it moving. Keep the visits supervised and document everything, especially what you think happens in his home. So if court ever gets involved you are ready. The less you bring up his inconsistency the more he’s less likely to be there. He will promise her things, u can’t stop that. She will unfortunately have to learn and see how he is for herself.as she gets older explain some things age appropriately. you need to let that happen let her see and learn for herself. We all grow up and know which parent cared and which didn’t.

@Wendi yes I’ve been trying to do that not complain I just tell him to let me know an hour before he’s going to come . I also haven’t been reaching out to him or his mom.

My baby daddy wasn't there for my pregnancy with our daughter, he didn't know if she was his or not. when she was 8months old he finally met her,she's 17months now and now she's a daddy's girl. he still has doubts that she's not his but won't do a DNA test but he says no matter what she'll always b his daughter DNA test or not. Now we're having a son together and he's here for this pregnancy but he hasn't bought anything for this other baby and he just sends me 40$ for wipes or diapers for our daughter but if he wants to be there he will, might take him awhile to get closer but he will eventually. Just give him time

It is hard to share this little prized human you've worked so hard to make and protect. I'm in a similar situation only my sons father is being pushed by his mother to be interested ( met my son at 18 months old he's now 4) but his own lack of caring and bond is starting to reflect through. Had it been the case my son was loving visits feeling safe and enjoying his time I'd be loving being able to trust someone else to care for him. But currently after only a court ordered hour and a half I get back a very distressed non verbal little boy who screams cries and smashes things because his dad won't accept his needs. Now I know you're little ones dad probably stresses you to high hell. But if he can truly be another support for you in a way and this child I'd let him try. Worse case he fails and gives up and moves on. Best case he grows up makes a bond and you get so much time a week/end to be you not just mum.

I was in the exact same position. For the first 6months of my pregnancy I was blocked..he wanted nothing to do with any of it. Since she was born, he’s been the best dad to her and I’m glad I never held it against him

@Wendi Wendi this is the best advice 🦋

Your baby is a person with two parents, not a possession to be shared. Google the statistics about effects of fatherlessness before you decide to close the door on his involvement. Even if it’s hard and occasionally tense, your kid will look back as an adult and appreciate the work you did keep him a part of her story.

@Dea I understand but I have cousins that their dad was deported and they have better relationships w men now than me and my cousin who had our inconsistent dads around more to cause more damage. Ofcourse I won’t stop him if he’s actually trying to but if I start seeing too many bad things and that he’s hurting my child emotionally I will have to protect her.