Booking Appointment Privacy

At your booking appointment they will call you in first alone to speak to you individually as they will want to check safeguarding (ask you about if your partner is abusive etc.). At this point you can mention it and say you’d prefer it not being discussed again in front of your partner. After that they say you can go get your partner in to continue the rest of the appointment

My partner came in with me, they didn't ask him to stay outside at all. Maybe you could tell your partner that the protocol is to go in by yourself at first, explain to the midwife what happened and then go get your partner. They will definitely ask if you've ever been pregnant before. I'd make it very clear to medical staff throughout your pregnancy that your partner does not know about your previous loss as there will be many times that you get asked if it is your first pregnancy. Best of luck to you. X

@chloe this is very odd! It’s standard protocol to have you come in alone first for ten minutes to ask about safeguarding and domestic abuse before calling the partner in

@Alexandra yeah i realised as soon as i read your comment that that wasn't a good move on my midwifes part. Luckily I'm not that situation I've gone to triage twice before and they've had me go in alone at first for that exact reason. I also have a new community midwife now so I'll definitely mention that to her when i meet her tomorrow

My husband wasn't at my booking appointment, so it wasn't an issue, but he came to most of the others, and he was never asked to be outside, especially at scans. Because of this, depending on how many people you'll see, it might be difficult to let everyone know about this. A different midwife will probably read your notes in full before the appointment, but others might simply ask if it's your first pregnancy, or ask and then notice it's not while missing the note or seeing it too late - in the system it might not be possible to write a note right next to it, as it's often a tickbox.

@Giorgia they only ask about safeguarding at the initial booking appointment. They won’t ask your partner to wait outside for scans and regular routine appointments after that.

@chloe super glad you’re not in a situation where that oversight would’ve affected you 😊

@Alexandra I thought that, so she will be relying on the notes being read fully in advance

@Giorgia indeed! OP - on this note (and it is entirely up to you!), it might be an idea to sit down and have a conversation with your partner. I appreciate loss is a sensitive subject and you may have your reasons for not wanting to dredge it up. But I think having an open and honest conversation about it will make things easier in the future. Whether you go into full detail or just do a simple ‘I had a really traumatic loss and haven’t ever really wanted to talk about it, and still don’t, but I just wanted to let you know as I may be asked about it at appointments’. Like I said, they will speak to you alone at your booking appointment, but at subsequent appointments and scans (if your partner attends any) they do sometimes ask ‘is this your first pregnancy?’ So rather than intentionally hiding it, perhaps consider broaching the subject if you feel up to it

I went alone as your partner doesn't need to go to it as you can answer the questions on him as it'll just be about any illnesses in he's family etc and he's nationality etc which I'm sure you'll probably know

At my booking appointment with my community midwife, my husband was present the whole time. We were expecting him to be asked to leave at some point so they could do the safeguarding checks as that's what happened with my first but they never did. I attended my booking appointment with the hospital midwives on my own, and they did cover safeguarding in that one.

Thanks everyone I’m going to tell him but yes it was a tough time in my life with a very very unsupportive and abusive partner so I don’t like speaking about it. I’ve never even told my family even though I was 17 weeks. I don’t understand why the midwives ask as surely it’s already on your medical records anyway so they can see?

Wishing you luck OP ❤️ I think they ask in case you’ve had an early loss/chemical etc. before a previous booking appointment. Or probably just to save time with having to look it up. It might change soon with all the notes moving over to electronic, but most maternity stuff is on paper still so I think it’s just one of those annoying things.

I never took my husband to my booking appointment. I didn’t realise that so many people did tbh! But then again all the questions were over the phone, and I had to complete most of the questions on badger notes before the call and we just went over it on the phone. I only went in to get my bloods and urine done.

I’ve always gone on my own, first baby and now second baby, they usually want to confirm there’s no violence at home & you’re safe. They will ask this yes, id personally go on your own cause they’re not needed there x

My booking appointment my partner had to come with me as they go through both you and his health history. They also asked about my mothers pregnancy histories. I had no private Appointment alone until the other ones where he didn't come. It may be worth having the chat with him because they will likely give you more checks etc and your care may change due to it and he might well wonder why! It also comes up on all your records "2nd pregnancy"nl if it progressed past a certain point. It's been mentioned in most of my care "first pregnancy isn't it". Because it's very relevant to your current pregnancy. I imagine at some point it could slip out by someone even unintentionally.

Also, in terms of medical records. Midwifery have different systems so the records aren't automatically shared. Silly I know but my doctor had to request access for my maternity records during my pregnancy when I called for more prescription of anti sickness!

The nurse took us both together in the room and then she asked me if I could pee and do my weight etc, so my bf was left in the room while she walked me to bathroom she asked me if there’s anything she needs to know or don’t want me to share with my bf etc. and she went back to the room while I was in the bathroom.

@chloe I also didn't go in alone at any time. My partner came straight in with me. She did take me out of the room to get my weight though and asked about domestic abuse while we were doing that.