Boundaries/ tolerance towards others

TW mention of previous loss Hi all, bit of a sensitive one potentially but I was wondering if anyone can relate and/or give tips on how to deal with these feelings? For context, I've always been a bit of a stressy Type A person- always the one to make sure everything is in order and control- I grew up in poverty raised by a single dad so always felt like I was fighting to make a different life for myself. I've also suffered from recurrent pregnancy loss prior to this pregnancy. Anyway, since being pregnant I just feel like I'm so much more stressy, to the point that I'm really struggling to tolerate both my mum and my partner's mum. There is history with both of them in the sense that my mum chose to leave and didn't raise me (and whilst we have a relationship now, I often feel like I'm parenting her) and my partner's mum has very different morals and can be quite toxic. When I'm with them I feel like I'm coming across quite rude and blunt (which I know is on me to control), but equally I'm not enjoying spending time with them and feel very protective about boundaries with my son for when he's born. Had anyone else found their tolerance has lowered since being pregnant/ becoming a mum? I don't want to seem like this miserable person or be rude! But equally don't want to just put up with anything, if that makes sense at all 💙

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I think after what you’ve been through you’re well within your rights to be protective of your space & what to tolerate in your life now that you’re getting ready to have your baby. After we lost our baby suddenly, I found that my attitude towards tolerating negativity/toxic people or anything that didn’t make me feel good was non existent. I took that as the only positive to come from our loss. You want your son to be protected from the things you couldn’t be and that’s normal. Anxiety can make you more irritable and perhaps defensive but that doesn’t excuse other people behaviour either.

Thank you so much @Nina that is really helpful, well put and reassuring. You're so right that I want my son to be protected and ultimately have a very different upbringing to what I did and my partner did- I want to break that pattern/ cycle. I'm sorry to hear about your loss and hope you are doing well now 🤍

I did a lot of pruning after my son was born, I had zero tolerance for mean people whereas before I was quite a people pleaser. I think it's probably a mix of hormones but mostly that you just don't want those sorts of people around your child, it's a maternal instinct. You go through a massive transition with pregnancy and becoming a mamma, life is so different because you have a precious little one to protect, so you suddenly see people's true colours. I think it's good you are thinking about putting in boundaries now, because after you give birth you will be very vulnerable and unfortunately a lot of people take advantage of that 🤕

@Chloe thank you that is so well put and whilst I had considered hormones, I didn't think about the obvious that of course it's maternal instinct kicking in too. Thank you for your advice and words and pleased you were able to filter out those who weren't good for you and your son xxx

It's a really difficult journey, so be kind to yourself. I've been through grief, anger...well all the different emotions tbh. Just expect so much more from close friends and family, but people shock you. Now I am content that I just have a few people around us who I really trust and like. Lean on your partner too, it's hard for them to understand us so we have to keep communicating to them what we are thinking and feeling 🌸

Thank you so much and very true about the partner part too ❤️

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