I’m really curious

People call anything trauma. It’s almost kind of like a trendy/slang word. But I agree that its cause conflict amongst those who may be emotionally unintelligent. I think some people havent become parents yet and classify things as trauma without doing self reflection and or just dont hold the empathy to relate.

Yes, but they are children and we are the ones who chose to have them. No one’s perfect and a lot of us have our own adult shit to work through, but your children are literally so innocent and the least you could do is TRY not to traumatize them. No parent is perfect

@Jessica I absolutely agree!💯

@Monét I can’t get past the “traumatized” bs in all honesty. I didn’t even know of a trauma until this new generation came about trying to create all of these ailments for themselves, its honestly quite sad. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and kids are a handful and we as humans can only handle so much before we’re too exhausted! Yea they’re only kids but eventually kids get to an age where they understand what you’re saying and if they’re behavior persist after constantly repeating yourself then how do you expect a parent to react?

Idk if you’re just talking about spankings or what, but trauma existed long before it was a buzz word, just like gaslighting and narcissistic. But we see grown people with attachments issues and abandonment issues or commitment issues and we assume that because they’re functioning adults that everything is fine. But a lot of us are not lol. Yea, children are hard work, no one disagrees. Idk what you’re saying here though. You should react in a way that shows you have the knowledge to know what is developmentally appropriate behavior

@Monét I think icog is referring generally not to anything specific like spanking. Like sure, everyone of all generations have their own issues to work on like the ones you mentioned. I think the point is that just because your parent had things to work on doesn’t mean they “traumatized” their kids. There are ADULTS claiming they have “childhood trauma” on the internet because of the most minuet and I want to even say commonly occurred things in childhood. Just because you remember something and would do it differently doesn’t make it a trauma lol. Everyone reflects differently but its a force to call your mom yelling at you for the fortieth time to take the trash out traumatic.

@Jessica for sure. I guess it just depends on what that person is saying is trauma lol. But yelling can be trauma. Verbal abuse and all that

Definitely! Abuse is abuse @Monét

@Jessica lol yes exactly, I couldn’t really explain it but you explained it perfectly 😂

huh? parenting being exhausting isn’t an excuse to be a shitty person to your kids. and you could have also experienced childhood trauma and hold empathy for the fact that your parents did they best they could.

@Anne and what exactly makes a parent a shitty parent Anne? And you’re an adult now Anne, learn and grow,but stop trying to say it’s trauma when in fact you just didn’t like that you got consequences for being a bad kid🤷🏽‍♀️

girl, what? such a bizarre and aggressive hot take.

@Anne I can say the same for you as well🤷🏽‍♀️

Yeah I realized a lot of my “trauma” was just my young depressed as fuck single mom losing her shit on me bc she was on her own working 2 jobs with no support system. I’d be angry too. Now look at me… angry jr, and I am married and fully supported. These kids are feral.

To have a secure attachment, you have to have your emotional needs met 30% of the time. THIRTY percent. That’s a failing grade in any grade book, and the bare minimum. Everyone who has an anxious or avoidant attachment as an adult didn’t get the bare minimum of their needs met. I’ll also say, I grew up with a mother who screamed at us. My daughter is 2 years old and I’ve only yelled for safety reasons— she stops dead in her tracks when I raise my voice since I do it so infrequently. The only time I’ve ever yelled otherwise was her trying to dig a pee soaked piece of toilet paper out of her toilet to stick in her mouth 🫠 it’s our jobs as parents to do better than ours. I get frustrated. I get overstimulated and overwhelmed. But I’m the adult and am responsible for my emotions. My child isn’t. Sometimes when I feel like I’m going to lose it I remind myself that she only has 2 years of life experience and needs assistance with emotional regulation.

All that said, I DO have childhood trauma. I’m in therapy to sort through all the crap I went through and have an ACE score of 10. I was SAed, my father tried to drown me, and was emotionally and physically neglected and abused by my parents. Some parents really are crappy parents, AND we can acknowledge how deeply flawed they are. My dad was an alcoholic, drug addict, and was bipolar. My mom was suicidal, severely depressed, and in an abusive marriage. I acknowledge that they had issues and can feel sympathy for their situations while also acknowledging how severely messed up my childhood was and how I never deserved any of it— no one does. I feel going through what I did has made me more capable of protecting my children, more patient with them, and more than willing to do better and be the generation that changes the narrative.

I have empathy for my parents and love them. However I do not agree to me being trapped alone in a dark cellar. Also not being helped when I was pushed around by racists in my country. Same with being sexually assaulted and not believing me. Also there are childhood traumas not caused by parents. I saw my uncle drown in elementary school and felt like it was my fault. I was diagnosed with PTSD and had a panic attack when I went in any type of pool or pond. I later overcame it by hard work and now I'm a scuba diver and cliff jumper, but wouldn't you call that kind of stuff "trauma"? Or what would you call this? If that makes me a woke childhood trauma BS survivor, so be it. I've forgiven my family through therapy but claiming that trauma is basically an overused word is pretty crazy I think. Almost everyone probably has some trauma be it bullying, discrimination or actual family abuse, our parents included. We're just the first generation to try to break the cycle and do something about it cause we can.

@Amanda Brown your mother needed therapy because being an angry mom is not normal

@Kaitlyn where’d you get the numbers from?

@Monét https://momentousinstitute.org/resources/what-parents-should-know-about-attachment Read the last paragraph.

I have an aunt who constantly says, "There's no such thing as a mad mother." She says this because she knows she was a terrible one: drug addict who beat and eventually abandoned her children. Those children grew up using and selling drugs. Those children suffered from traumatic events, which led them down a terrible road. So yeah, as a parent, it's your job not to tramatize your damn kids. 🙄

Yall stories are not funny but what is funny are yalls comprehension skills!☺️ stop projecting and read to understand and not to project 😘

@Monét well so do I but not everyone can afford that or even make time to go to therapy.

I think thanks to TikTok/social media in general the word and meaning behind “trauma” especially “childhood trauma” is kind of lost? Being shouted at sometimes - not trauma (everyone slips and shouts every now and again) Being shouted at and scared constantly - trauma. I do think that people throw the word around a lot and it’s becoming a bit of a trend (I know that sounds awful but I think it’s true.) and parenting techniques and ideas change with generations which people forget. Maybe we will have a generation of children with “trauma” from being gentle patented or from overly PC parents 😂 who knows!

@Amanda Brown well that’s unfortunate. The ones who pay the price are the children