MIL is much less interested in my baby

We have the first on both sides (first boy and first girl) and I’ve chatted with some friends and neighbors who are second and third etc in birth order. They all say their parents are too tired to deal with their kids and what I’ve learned is a) I wish I had zero expectations of my MIL as a grandma but I built it up in my head and b) some grandparents are just not into babies at their age, they are tired, they blackout and forgot how hard it was, or they simply may enjoy older kids or toddlers, different ages better at their age. I had to grieve the relationship I thought I had with my MIL and now on my second, I’ve kept my expectations reallllly low knowing how disappointed I was the first time. No one prepares you for the family dynamic shifts, it’s really tough so it may not really be about the baby at all and just simply a shift in the dynamic of you & your MIL. If your SIL kid doesn’t have a secure attachment then she may not have boundaries like you do & MIL’s hate boundaries lol

My family lives across the country from me. My brother has 7 year old twins but is not on speaking terms with my parents. My mom is so torn up about not being part of their lives but makes such little effort to have a relationship with my son and it is so frustrating. Part of that is on me for moving across the country in my 20s before settling down but it’s a 5 hour flight if she wanted to spend time with him and she’s only been out maybe 4 times total in 18 months. She would drop everything for my brother’s kids. I’m certain if they lived on this side of the country they’d probably move here, or at the very least travel all the time. But for my kids she just doesn’t have the same level of commitment. It’s very frustrating and disheartening.

My mom is waaaay more involved with my sister and her kids. It still bothers me but I let it go a long time ago. She helps my sister with anything she needs and drops everything to help her. Me and my brother on the other hand. Never. It can be hard. But it's not worth my mental health. My kids don't seem to notice so I stopped making a fit about it.

My husband is 12 years older than his brother and 8 years older than me. On the day that we called his parents to say that we were engaged, his brother called them to say they were expecting their first child. My MIL did everything she could to provide daycare to this kid and then their next kid for the first year of their lives. She kept telling me that "babies don't get anything out of daycare before they turn 1 year old." She often takes care of both of those kids from 7 AM- 11 PM now, though they go to daycare from 8-5. She picks the kids up from daycare and then helps through dinner and bedtime. We now have an almost 10 month old who happily goes to daycare. The last two times we have visited MIL, she has wanted to spend time with our kid....but she can't because she is expected to take care of the other two grandkids. Both of these kids scream nonstop because they are used to 4 adults never saying no to them. It is triggering that she doesn't spend time with my kid when she sees the others often

But also, I think my family is happier. My husband's parents may not see my kid as often...but my kid is happy, and we are happy. MIL is visiting tomorrow, and I'm already anxious

Omg Im so sorry for all of u. This is a reason I love being an only child. Tho as a kid I had begged for a sibling now I’m glad they never adopted another.