Vent: I am a failure as a mother
To my baby boy,
I’m sorry I keep yelling at you lately. I don’t know what is driving me mad. The pressure of having return to work, the guilt that drowns me everytime I hear your cries when I have to leave you, or when you know I am leaving without you. I am sorry that I can’t seem to fix myself up so quickly so that I won’t damage you. I wish there was a quick fix but I know there isn’t. I am trying but I feel like I am failing more than progressing. When you grow up, I hope you forgive me, or at least understand. I am not making excuses, I am not justifying my behaviour. There are times that its like I can’t breathe anymore. Everything is just overwhelming for me. I’m sorry I can’t be someone strong that you need to be. This morning a thought crossed my mind— would you be better off with someone else?
Its not that I don’t want you, I love you more than anything in this world, but I fail each day, and I don’t want you growing up feeling that I don’t love you just because I can’t heal myself.
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@J 💃 i have to. Single parent. If i quit my job i wont be eligible for benefits. I dont get them anyway but more reason for them not to give me
I feel this so hard. I'm failing at being a mom, my daughter even tells me I'm mean and I ruin her life and she's only 4. I know it's just her emotions and frustration but I believe it. She deserves more, better. I know it starts with me, I'm realizing I'm not strong I never was. I've had the same thoughts too I should've given her for adoption not because I don't love her but I don't know what I'm doing and it's too overwhelming. I never prepared myself. My biggest fear is dying and knowing I failed. Her never feeling truly loved or taken care of
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Do you have to work? Sounds double the stress