Bringing in another sexual partner to our marriage….

I’ve never been very open minded to a 3 sum. I’m a very jealous person when it comes to my husband and the thought of seeing him with another woman or him seeing me with another man has always made me feel really uncomfortable just the thought of it. We’ve been together 13 years and have both agree’d we’d like to spice things up a bit. Our little boy took a nap this afternoon and we both wanted to take advantage of us both being at home in the middle of the day with a sleeping toddler so off to the bedroom we went. We both got talking about what would turn us on that we haven’t tried before. So I said to my husband the only thing that would turn you on would be anal (which I’m not open too) or a 3 sum. We’ve spoken about this before and I’ve made my feelings really clear that no woman is coming near him. However he started to talk dirty to me about what we would be doing with another man in the bedroom- this turned me on a lot, but then to my surprise I started to think about what it would be like having another female in the bedroom with us and this turned me on even more (I think the thought of how much pleasure my husband would get from this turned me on the most) is that weird? We haven’t spoken about this since having sex but we both just keep giving each other the eye, and a cheeky smile. - but it’s all I keep thinking about and I’m not sure if I’m starting to go a little crazy because I’ve never thought about it before, and if I had it’s made me feel sick. Has anyone bought a 3rd person into their sex life with their husband? Did it work out or did it affect the marriage in a negative way? Also if this is something I’m apparently open too, how would we start? 🙈 I feel like a child discovering sex 😂 Im approaching 30 so I could be having a mid life crisis. My husband is the only sexual partner I’ve had. He’s had others and I think this is why I’ve always been a little uncomfortable discussing sex with him because I have nothing to compare it too, which I think he forgets sometimes. Any advice would be appreciated x

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If this is something you want to even discuss doing i highly recommend these two books: the ethical slut, and opening. You also should both be researching and discussing all the different styles of ethical non monogamy and discussing what you both want. Discuss what happens if feelings develop if you have the same partner come in more than once. Your boundaries and communication are going to be super important. Also discuss how often you will do sti testing including your papsmear for hpv. I'm personally polyam so if you need a listening ear I may be able to help point you to the right resources

Just be ready for the other things “usually”attached to it.

Girlllllllll don’t do it!!!!!! Fantasy is one thing… reality is another! Don’t do it girl!!

I think for what you are looking for i would consider hiring a sex worker. Especially since you are new to the idea of a third. They will be professional stick to clear boundaries and you don’t have to worry about feelings being involved. I learned some interesting tidbits from this woman named blueeyedkaylajade on TikTok. She is a sex worker that gets hired by couples. Granted she’s in Australia but it might help you learn something and be open to the idea of hiring a sex worker.

If you’re a jealous person in general I personally wouldn’t do it. It’s so different saying it with your partner as a fantasy then actually doing it. As someone that’s in that life style of swingers I would suggest taking it super slow if you’re actually interested. They’re apps like 3f and other apps that have couples and singles you can talk to and if you guys like it then you can pursue something. But you really have to be open.

How about swinging with another couple

There have been some great shares so far. Just a reminder that anything you invite into the bedroom should be to enhance your relationship, not act as a replacement for anything. Both partners need to be 100% on board if not that is a breeding ground for hurt and resentment. Here’s an episode where I interviewed Dr Stephanie Sigler who specializes in ethical non-monogamy and works with couples on navigating all aspects of the lifestyle. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/intimacy-evolution/id1628360052?i=1000670733151

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