Is this toxic or not?

Mmm I wouldn’t call this toxic. I’d call it living with your mother lol. Thats just how grandparents are. If it was something more serious sure, but her getting her the color shirt she wanted is just her being a grandma. Sounds like your frustration is building up and you just need your own place.

@Rose I feel like she's undermining me as a mom. If I tell my daughter no then she should honor that. I'm not gonna snap though.

@Korissa I think it's disrespectful. Also update. It wasn't a pink shirt she put on the shirt I wanted her to wear tommorow and now it's dirty. Another thing that irritates me is that even though I buy food with my ebt I have to ask for stuff..I took 1 poptart that I got for my brother. 1 out of a whole pack and my mom gave me a lecture and said idc if you bought it still ask but with my stuff my mom just takes( I don't mind I just find it hypocritical)

Despite being with my family. I'm tired. I don't get a break. I'm always ran around. Since I don't have a car the kids are home 24/7 .. im trying not to snap .

Your feelings are valid but the only solution is to save and move out. I personally couldn’t live with my mother for all these same reasons. I moved out at 16 and never went back bc I just can’t w her lol.

@Korissa I know. I know. It sucks bc I'm in nursing school and I have 9 months of this bullshit.

I don’t personally think it’s toxic but i understand your frustration. If I had to move back in with my mum I’d personally just go along with her/what she says until I can move out, I wouldn’t want to rock the boat. I also think it’s important to let your child make their own decisions, if she wanted a pink shirt then just get her one, she’s expressing her wants to you. Depending on her age, I’d try to support her even if it was something as ‘small’ as changing her shirt

@Claire my daughter is 3. I put a clean yellow shirt on her and honestly I am tired. She could've worn a pink shirt tommorow. It's just the fact I told my daughter no and my mom did the complete opposite instead of saying OK mom said no you have to wear that but you can change it tommorow. She also went on a cleaning frenzy at 1a..and is somehow upset that the kids are still up at 3.. since we cl3aning. I don't want to rock the boat but when it comes to my kids and her not respecting what I do with my kids is irritating.

Toxic is the grand parents yelling at the kids for being kids. Being drunk around them and gaslighting you. Toxic is walking on eggshells so your parent doesn’t lose their temper and hurl abuse. Toxic is silent treatment. I could go on

@Jess that's happened except for being drunk. I also believe being toxic doesn't have to be that extreme. Crossing boundaries is enough. And this is toxic. Going on a cleaning frenzy at 1a. Takes us all till 3a to get done then you bitch that the kids are still up and blame my kids bc you can't get any sleep and say they're making it hard for you. No bxtch, you wanting a cleaning brigade in the am is what's doing it..

There’s your answer

The thing is that once you have taken any action with your daughter, if your mother speaks against it, she is undermining your authority and showing your child that she doesn’t have to listen to you and respect you. I would find a way to sit down and talk about this as politely as possible. It may just be a shirt, but something like that will grow into a bigger issue. You could have just changed the shirt but I completely understand bc my girls do that bs too like I’m tired. Just wear the shirt. I wish I could be more patient too I try to slow down and just let them pick out what they’re gonna wear especially if we aren’t leaving the house I let them be independent with all that at home so I don’t get irritated with things like that. If we are going somewhere, I like to give 2 options of what they can wear so they feel in control and are still wearing something appropriate. 3 is a really tough age especially with girls. I’m right there with you.